Royal Sanction

The Stuffy Shirts Review The Bratwurst Café Adventure

Agent Harriet Windsor telephoned Agent Nicky Parsons: Nicky, Can you and Emily come and see me? There is something I think we should discuss.

Nicky Parsons: No problem. We will be there shortly.

Once the Stuffy Shirts had gathered in her office, Harriet shared her thoughts:

“Our recent adventure with Rhiannon got me thinking. Specifically about your adventure at the Bratwurst Café close to Emily’s place. Where Emily took her fabric softener bottle and poured some of its contents into a pot of tea. She then poured a cup of tea each for the Iron Curtain couple, Svetlana and Igor. The fabric softener became a disabling tool for Svetlana and Igor.

“The Bratwurst Café is where I want us to focus. If the Iron Curtain assassins, Svetlana and Igor, frequented that Café, perhaps they are not the only ones. Maybe we should give the Bratwurst Café a closer look and see if it hosts the wrong kind of customers.”

Emily: Rhiannon is very strong on keeping trouble out of her neighbourhood. I am not fond of trouble frequenting my neighbourhood. I am happy to take a closer look at the Bratwurst Café.

Nicky: Are you suggesting the MI6 finance people have a look at their set up?

Harriet: Yes. And I think we should visit them and see if they are focussed on the correct clientele.

Emily: Tea and muffins, for work purposes?

Nicky: Well done, Emily.

Harriet: Tea and Muffins Round 1 will give us a chance to see what is going on, while the finance people do what they do. Then we can organise Tea and Muffins Round 2, armed with the information of the finance people.

Emily: Agent Parsons, I can see there is a benefit to be had by undertaking Tea and Muffins Round 1 at the Bratwurst Café promptly.

Nicky: Your argument is compelling, Agent Abernathy. Perhaps we could adjourn to the Bratwurst Café for lunch.

Harriet: I embrace your leadership, Agent Parsons. I will make a call to the finance people and then I will be ready to undertake this mission.

Emily: Let us convene in the office of Agent Parsons in 15 minutes and then we can leave for the mission.

Nicky: The Stuffy Shirts are agreed.

The Bratwurst Café

Patronage of the Bratwurst Café was initially sparse and The Stuffy Shirts had no trouble finding a suitable table. They chose a central location, giving them optimum vision of the café happenings. The dining population increased during the lunch period, which was the focus of the visit by The Stuffy Shirts.

Overwhelmingly unremarkable and uncontroversial accurately described the Bratwurst Café The Stuffy Shirts visited. Everything they witnessed and experienced suggested the attendance at the café of the Iron Curtain assassins, Svetlana and Igor, was constrained to a choice by the couple and not part of an Iron Curtain project.

Emily: The good news is so far this Café is not an operational venue for the communist threat.

Harriet: The finance people will soon tell us if that threat is latent rather than obvious.

Nicky: Then we will have to return here to see if our initial assessment was correct.

Emily: Tea and Muffins for Queen and Country, ladies.

Harriet: We need to be well nourished to do our work, Agent Abernathy.

Nicky: Our research must be thorough. Infiltration of the neighbourhood is completely unacceptable.

Emily: Another hour of research here and then we shall return to the office.

Harriet: Correct Agent, Abernathy. It would be foolish to rush.

Nicky: I will get us another pot of tea.

Finance Review of Bratwurst Café

Just under a week later Harriet received the MI6 finance review of the Bratwurst Café. It was clean of any evidence of an Iron Curtain connection.

Harriet telephoned Nicky Parsons: The finance report says the Bratwurst Café is free of communist infiltration.

Nicky Parsons: That is good news. I propose visit two to the Bratwurst Café occur today to ensure our original surveillance and reconnaissance assessment was correct.

Harriet: It will need to be a substantial secondary assessment, Agent Parsons.

Nicky: Nothing less will suffice, Agent Windsor.

Harriet: Will you inform Agent Abernathy?

Nicky: Yes and we can all leave from my office in 30 minutes.

Harriet: Splendid.

During their second work visit to the Bratwurst Café, the Stuffy Shirts made more trips to the café service counter and wandered round the café more than they did on the first visit. The result was the same; nothing suggested the café was part of an Iron Curtain project.

Nicky: I think we should go and visit Rhiannon in her record shop. It was because of her that we discovered this good news.

Harriet: Showing appreciation to Rhiannon for this is a good idea.

Emily: Tea and muffins for work, then visit Rhiannon and thank her. Excellent idea.

Once The Stuffy Shirts were at the Rhiannon record shop, they waited until the customers left the store before they approached Rhiannon at the service counter with her employer. After introductions, Nicky spoke to Rhiannon and her boss remained present:

“Inspired by your unfortunate involvement with the Iron Curtain communists in Flowers From The Market, which we were happy to clean up with you, we decided to take a look at a café in the neighbourhood where Emily lives. An incident occurred their earlier and we wanted to ensure it was not similarly infiltrated like Flowers From The Market. It was clean and it was our dealing with you that led to our discovery of that good news.

We like your idea of keeping the neighbourhood clean of troublemakers.

“You gave Rhiannon a chance at a new life, Mrs Record Store Owner, and my life is better because you did. If there is ever any trouble in your neighbourhood, Mrs Record Store Owner, do not hesitate to call.

“Thank you both. We had better get back to the office.

Harriet walked over to Rhiannon and kissed her on her cheek: “I am glad you did not shoot me and I am glad your Prince came.”

Harriet then walked over to Mrs Record Store Owner and kissed her on her cheek: “Thank you.”

Emily: “Fabric softener as a disabling tool. That story worked for you when we first met, Rhiannon, and it helped give me piece of mind in my neighbourhood. Flowers and fabric softener inspired us to look for communists. Thank you. Your contribution to our work is appreciated.

“Thank you, Mrs Record Store Owner. I appreciate the part you play in all of this.

Nicky: Thank you, ladies. We have to return to work.

The Stuffy Shirts Get a Royal Welcome

Agent Harriet Windsor was alone in her office doing nothing in particular when she received a telephone call:

Adult Female: Is that Harriet Windsor?

Harriet: Yes.

Adult Female: Hold the line please. I have a call for you.

The Queen: Harriet?

Harriet: Yes.

The Queen: It is Elizabeth, your cousin.

Harriet: Elizabeth. The Queen?

The Queen: Do not worry about formalities, Harriet. I want you to come and see me. And I want you to bring your two work friends with you, Nicky Parsons and Emily Abernathy. I will explain it all when you get here. I could send a car for you, but that might draw attention to you. So you can make your own way to the Palace. You know the way. You have been here before.

Harriet: I will be there as soon as I can.

The Queen: Thank you, Harriet. Good-bye.

Harriet immediately telephoned Nicky Parsons: Nicky, Come and see me immediately. Do not delay.

Nicky: OK. I will be there shortly.

Harriet immediately telephoned Emily Abernathy: Emily, Come and see me immediately. Do not delay.

Emily: I am on my way.

Within 5 minutes the Stuffy Shirts were assembled in the office of Harriet.

Harriet: My cousin just rang me. The cousin that is The Queen. She wants the three of us to attend upon her, basically immediately.

Nicky Parsons: The Queen?

Harriet: Do you have any pressing work on?

Nicky: No.

Emily: What is this about?

Harriet: We will find out when we get to Buckingham Palace.

I am a little partial to my cousin. So I intend to answer her request.

Emily: I will be back here in less than 10 minutes with my coat and handbag.

Nicky: My coat and handbag are also coming with me to see The Queen. 10 Minutes.

Harriet: Now that we are ready to leave, I think a taxi is the best transport option. It will attract less attention than a work motor vehicle.

Once the Stuffy Shirts were in the taxi and on their way, Nicky spoke: You are definitely in charge today, Harriet. I may have a butterfly or two in my stomach.

Emily: When you said you would give us a tour, I am sure this was not how I expected it to occur.

Harriet: This is a surprise for me, also.

Once the Stuffy Shirts arrived at Buckingham Palace, Harriet led them to the reception area and dealt with the reception staff.

The Stuffy Shirts waited in silence.

After about ten minutes, The Queen appeared, alone. She walked over to Harriet.

The Queen: Hello, Harriet.

Harriet: Hello, Your Majesty.

Harriet then introduced a rather nervous Nicky Parsons and Emily Abernathy.

The Queen: Thank you for coming, ladies. I think we should go for a walk in the garden.

The Stuffy Shirts followed The Queen to the large garden in front of the palace.

Once the four women were in the garden alone, The Queen spoke.

“I know who the three of you are. That is why you are here. This is business, hopefully disguised as pleasure.

“I have plenty of staff and plenty of security. You three women are outside my security and can do things they cannot. I have been given information, you call it intelligence, that the catering firm hired for a function here next Thursday has been infiltrated by the kind of communists that keep you gainfully occupied. Rather unfriendly bunch. Apparently they plan to kill me. I tend not to have a sense of humour about those things, much like you three ladies. So I thought I would have a chat to you about them. There is no need for you to keep any of them alive, if the intelligence turns out to be true.

If you think your friend who has a rather interesting habit of kneecapping people would assist you in this endeavour, she is welcome to join you.

“I did not invite you ladies here for fun. If these people really are a problem, then take them out, for Queen and Country. Just like you do for others like them.

The circumstances of this conversation should inform you that it is to go not further than us. Do your research. Do your job and one day we may have another chat.

Are there any questions?”

Nicky Parsons: Your Majesty, You want us to be us?

The Queen: Every bit of it, Agent Parsons. I want you to do your absolute worst on these people. No mercy. Something with which I understand you are familiar.

Emily: Your Majesty, I am a little shocked by all of this. We are to be us, effectively with no restrictions, and Rhiannon can join us?

The Queen: Yes, Agent Abernathy. Be your effective selves.

Emily: When I woke up this morning, this was not what I was expecting of my day. I am in. And my very worst is the least they deserve.

Nicky: I am in. I am in and I will talk to Rhiannon. Her skills definitely will not hurt here.

Harriet: You are the Queen and my cousin. I tend not to have a sense of humour when the threat is personal. I am in and formalities will be no impediment to getting the job done.

The Queen: Thank you, ladies. I think it is time for us to adjourn to the Palace for tea and muffins.

Harriet: Tea and muffins?

The Queen: I am The Queen, Harriet. I get to know things.

Nicky and Emily laughed.

The Queen: I see the ice has broken. Now, back to the Palace for tea and muffins.

Preparation Begins

In the taxi on the way back to MI6 Harriet spoke to Nicky and Emily: I will return to the office and get the finance people to look at the caterers. You two can go to see Rhiannon and invite her to join us.

Nicky: Your plan works for me.

Emily: We will come and see you when we get back.

Nicky and Emily browsed the records in the store for several minutes until Rhiannon had dealt with her customers. Then they approached Rhiannon with the news.

Nicky: We are here to recruit you for our latest mission. Apparently intelligence suggests some communists are planning to kill The Queen. Our job is to take them out. You have been invited to join us. Are you interested?

Emily: It is a no restrictions mission.

Rhiannon: Who gave you this mission?

Nicky: A lady called Elizabeth.

Rhiannon: The Queen?

Emily: Yes, and she said you were welcome to join us.

Nicky: Come and be a Stuffy Shirt with us.

Emily: No restrictions.

Nicky: Communists posing as caterers.

Rhiannon: I will take pleasure in spoiling their party.

Nicky: Only five people know about this mission. That is the way it must stay. We will now return to the office and plan the mission. We will let you know when we have more details.

Rhiannon: Tell me the name of these caterers. My network may have some intelligence on them.

Emily: Dynamic Caterers.

Rhiannon then telephoned Mr Loan Shark: Mr Loan Shark, I would like you to give me all the intelligence you have on Dynamic Caterers. There is no need to tell anyone about this. Only you and I need to know about it. I will talk to you again tomorrow to see how you are progressing.

Mr Loan Shark: No trouble, Miss Rhiannon.

Rhiannon: Thank you, Mr Loan Shark. Enjoy your day.

Nicky: We will return to the office. We will be in touch with you.

Rhiannon: Thank you, ladies.

Preparation Continues

Upon her return to MI6, Harriet went to see her colleague in charge of the finance section.

Harriet: I have been given some intelligence, which if correct, is concerning. We cannot afford mistakes on this exercise and I would like you to keep the reason for this research to yourself, but to do the research thoroughly.

Dynamic Caterers has come onto our radar. We need the complete package on them. It is as important to rule people out as it is to rule people in.

Mr Finance: I understand. I will look into Dynamic Caterers for you and I will let you know when my research is complete.

Harriet: Thank you.

Nicky and Emily went to see Harriet when they returned to MI6.

Nicky: Rhiannon needed no persuading. She is happy to be part of the mission. She even had her network look into Dynamic Caterers.

Harriet: The head of our finance section is looking into Dynamic Caterers for me.

Emily: If those caterers turn out to be communists, there is no good reason for their continued existence.

Nicky: I am pretty sure that is why we have this mission.

Harriet: The inclusion of Rhiannon removes any doubt on that issue.

Clarification of The Caterers

The next day Mr Loan Shark went to visit Rhiannon at the record shop a little before lunch time. He waited until the customers left the store.

Mr Loan Shark: It is strange to have 6 Russians in an English catering service. I put all the details of my information in this envelope for you.

Rhiannon: Thank you, Mr Loan Shark. I suspect those Russian caterers might be the recipient of a visit from my friends. I may even help them.

Mr Loan Shark: To check on their health, of course.

Rhiannon: A city showing concern for its inhabitants, Mr Loan Shark.

Mr Loan Shark: I am happy to play my part, Miss Rhiannon.

Rhiannon: I am grateful to you, Mr Loan Shark. Enjoy your day.

Once Mr Loan Shark left the record store, Rhiannon telephoned Nicky Parsons.

Rhiannon: Quite a coincidence that 6 Russians would be in a catering service engaged for a function at Buckingham Palace. 6 Russians and no one else.

Nicky: A remarkable coincidence.

Rhiannon: It is rather amusing that the network connection I contacted is assisting your establishment, without any hesitation.

Nicky: This is a mission unlike all others. I will let you know when I have more information for you.

Nicky then telephoned Harriet: Rhiannon just called me. Dynamic Caterers have quite a recruitment program. 6 Russians in a British catering service engaged for a function at Buckingham Palace. No other staff.

Harriet: Cavalier about the part of not drawing attention to themselves.

I will pass your information on to Mr Finance.

Harriet then telephoned Mr Finance, who told her he was on his way to see her.

When he arrived in her office, Mr Finance confirmed the information. Dynamic Caterers consisted of 6 Russians and no one else. On the surface it looked like a simple catering company. Their recruitment practise suggested catering was not their real business.

Harriet: Ordinarily, Mr Finance, I would be happy to share with you the reason for the enquiry and the mission to which it is connected. On this occasion, I think plausible deniabilty is a better path for you to tread.

Mr Finance: Is that the time? You will have to excuse me, Agent Harriet. There is something that requires my prompt attention.

Harriet: I will delay you no further, Mr Finance. Thank you for your assistance.

The Stuffy Shirts soon assembled in the office of Harriet.

Harriet: 6 staff all Russian, no one even remotely British on staff. Dynamic Caterers need shutting down, permanently.

Emily: I have a surveillance idea. We take some flowers from the new Rhiannon business and purport to supply them to the caterers, so we can get an up close and personal idea of how they operate.

Nicky: I like it. It gets us on the premises and it may even give us an opportunity to take them out.

Emily: My plan is flowers as stage 1 and raid as stage 2, but there may be a need to get lethal on stage 1.

Harriet: I like the idea of taking Rhiannon to any visit to the premises.

Nicky: We need to talk to Rhiannon. So we need to visit her. This may involve tea and muffins.

Emily: Sacrifices have to be made in this job.

Harriet: Back here in 10 minutes with your coats and handbags.

The Rhiannon Record Shop

Several customers were occupying Rhiannon and her employer when the Stuffy Shirts walked in the store. They spent their time browsing until the customers left the store.

Nicky: We have a plan, Rhiannon, and we need your input.

Mrs Record Store Owner: Do I need to leave the room?

Nicky: No. We can be circumspect with our discussion.

Emily: Stage 1 We take some flowers from your new business and purport to supply them to the troublemakers as part of their set up, so we can get an up close and personal idea of how they operate. Stage 2 A raid, where we would conduct business. There may be a need to conduct business on Stage 1.

Harriet: We would pay you for your flowers.

Rhiannon: 4 hustling 6. Those are doable odds.

When do you propose this happen?

Nicky: If you can be at our office at 10:00 am tomorrow, with the flowers. It will unfold from there.

Rhiannon: 10:00 am tomorrow with a bunch of flowers. No problem.

Nicky: Will that be a problem, Mrs Record Store Owner?

Mrs Record Store Owner: No. You ladies do your business.

Emily: Can we thank you with tea and muffins?

Mrs Record Store Owner: Only for 15 minutes, then I have to come back here to run the store. You can take Rhiannon with you.

The Stuffy Shirts Plus One Do Business

Rhiannon and the flowers arrived at MI6 on time. She had a variation to the plan.

Rhiannon: “You Stuffy Shirts enter through the front door. I will take care of the back entrance. Start off calm when you do your flowers sale routine, then get chaotic. The Russians being greeted by excitable women selling flowers should destabilise them and add in the language problems for good measure.

“Stay alert. You may have to conduct business immediately.”

Harriet: Unsettle them with a chaotic sales pitch?

Rhiannon: Yes. And it may not hurt to mention the language a few times.

Emily: The plan works for me.

Nicky: I like it.

When the agents arrived at the premises of Dynamic Caterers, Rhiannon made her way to the rear. Two males were loading material into a van marked Dynamic Caterers. Rhiannon did not hesitate, she immediately took them both out. A couple of shots to the legs and then several shots to the chest and head. Quick, clean and decisive.

After reloading her firearm, Rhiannon entered the rear of the premises.

Happy Emily greeted the Russian caterers with the flowers in her hand.

There were three men in the store and Emily spoke to all of them, individually and together. From the outset they could not work out what was going on.

Harriet joined in the conversation and elevated her voice. She adopted the same tactics: talk to all of them, talk to one or two of them.

Nicky was watching and listening. The Rhiannon plan was working. When she joined the conversation her voice was elevated further. The confusion saw another male join them trying to work out what was going on.

Rhiannon was now in the premises with them and she got straight down to business. A knee shot and a head shot took care of the last Russian to join the confusion.

Emily emptied her firearm into the chest of the Russian standing in front of her.

Nicky put three shots into the forehead of the Russian in front of her.

Four women and one Russian was all that remained.

The Russian was surrounded and Emily had reloaded.

Harriet was surprisingly calm. She grabbed the remaining Russian by his hair and told him to get down on his knees.

She put her firearm to his forehead and said: “You wanted to kill The Queen. You wanted to kill my cousin.

You should have stayed in Russia and left us alone.”

Harriet then emptied her firearm into his forehead.

Rhiannon calmly walked over to Harriet and put her arms around her.

Rhiannon said: “It’s over” and walked Harriet to a chair to sit down.

Rhiannon: “Nicky, you might want to call this in to MI6, so a clean up crew can do their work. No rush. Excellent work, ladies.”

Emily: I will call it in.

Nicky: This is not tea and muffins. This is steak sandwiches.

Rhiannon: There is one more task I need to undertake.

Rhiannon: Hello, Buckingham Palace. This is a message for Her Majesty The Queen from her cousin Lady Harriet Windsor. She will have to get new caterers for her function on Thursday. Dynamic Caterers are no longer in business. Thank you.

Royal Messenger: Your Majesty, about an hour ago we received a rather strange message from your cousin, Lady Harriet Windsor. You will have to get new caterers for your function on Thursday. Dynamic Caterers are no longer in business.

The Queen: Thank you, Lady Harriet. Thank you.