A New Regime, A New Normal

24 Hour Propaganda Television / Video Channel

A significant feature of the New Regime was its 24 hour Propaganda Television / Video Channel.  A harsh description of the channel is that it broadcasts official narratives and serves as a tool for public control and intimidation. Another description is that it operates to inform and educate citizens of the New Regime of how the transition from the old world to the new world was progressing and how the regime itself was operating in the new world.

The execution of the defiant Judge was broadcast as a prominent news item on the channel and was presented to the community as entirely justified for someone who was deliberately defiant of the requirements of the New Regime. The message was clear: citizens would do well to heed that stark warning against any act of regime defiance.

Not every action of the New Regime was broadcast on the channel and there were often items about the disciplining of otherwise unremarkable citizens, so that the community could see no one would escape the demands of the New Regime.

The channel would often extol the virtues of the Climate Integrity Lines, a mechanism through which citizens could report Infidels, and encourage the use of the Lines. Fools like The Princess of Language Hypocrisy may find themselves being the subject of a Climate Integrity Lines notification or report. Officers of the New Regime would then determine if the matter warranted investigation. None of that information about the workings of the Climate Integrity Lines was hidden from the public. It was broadcast on the Regime Television / Video Channel.

A message was repeated endlessly on the channel, whether you were a Judge or ordinary Johnny or Jodie, if you were defiant, the New Regime was coming for you. And there would be no mercy. The channel made clear the New Regime punished fanatics fanatically.

The channel also made clear a report or notification made to the Climate Integrity Lines could lead to someone being sent to the Re-Education Program.

The New Regime took the view its 24 Hour Television / Video Channel would tell the citizens what was going on, not cover it up, as news broadcasters would do in the former regime.

The channel also often had items explaining the Re-Education Program. How it is a bridge between the real world and the unrelenting hell of the 15 Minute Cities. Relevantly, originally the structure of the New Regime was put in place to deal with Climate Hoaxers. The New Regime now recognised its infrastructure, in particular the Re-Education Program, can also ensnare other types of Infidels, like The Princess of Language Hypocrisy.

The core messages of the Re-Education Program remain the same:

• The Infidels are the problem.

• The Infidels have a choice: Epiphany or Eternal Damnation in 15 Minute Cities.

• The whole idea of 15 Minute Cities in the New Regime is to show that they are a bad idea and should never be implemented.

• Every single piece of the 15 Minute Cities comes from the Infidels.

• Infidels should be given no respite from the hell their religious fervour and zealotry created, unless their epiphany is genuine and permanent.

• For those who do not achieve a genuine and permanent epiphany, their damnation is eternal, without relief.

The 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program

The authorities in the New Regime decided to review the recent incarceration of Dresden Leipzig for breach of the recently implemented curfew. They decided Leipzig needed another course at the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program. Security Officers were promptly sent to the residence of Leipzig to arrest him and relocate him to the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program facility.

At his latest induction to the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Programme, Dresden was introduced to Cindy Incidentally, who was sentenced to a course of the programme, because she once handed out pamphlets for a climate change advocacy group.

Whilst the week-long intensive program was a culture shock for Cindy Incidentally, it was not something against which she rebelled or raised an objection. During her time at the program, Cindy noted with interest the treatment of Dresden Leipzig. More than once during the program Dresden was specifically told by the lecturing authorities, successful completion of the program can lead to one being allowed to leave the 15 Minute Cities permanently.

Cindy also noted the feedback she received from the program lecturing authorities that she was progressing well through the program. A standout feature of the program for Cindy was how often the lecturing authorities made reference to Dresden Leipzig as an example of what happens to someone who transgresses against the New Regime.

At the completion of her program, Dresden Leipzig was beside Cindy Incidentally when the authorities told her that she had successfully completed the program. She would not progress to the 15 Minute Cities. She could return to the real world. As Cindy was packing up her belongings and preparing to leave, she heard the authorities tell Dresden that he would remain in the 15 Minute Cities. His status may be reviewed in the future, but for now he would remain in the 15 Minute Cities. It was obvious that was news Dresden was not comfortable hearing.

Cindy Incidentally then exited the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Programme facility and made her way home.

A Bully Gets Some Re-Education

With the election of the New Regime, the campaign of sustained bullying to which D'Arbanville had been subjected by his manager Shonderosa, would come to an end. As soon as D'Arbanville was made aware of the Climate Integrity Lines, he prepared a complaint in respect of Shonderosa. He took a little time and when he considered his complaint to be complete, he utilised the Climate Integrity Lines to inform on Shonderosa.

D'Arbanville told the Climate Integrity Lines staff member, Shonderosa was a fanatical Climate Hoaxer. She was not content to contain her fanatical Climate Hoax advocacy to her private life, she shoved it down the throat of all and sundry at her work. He was even kind and considerate enough to provide the Climate Integrity Lines staff member with the home and work addresses of Shonderosa, as well as all of the telephone numbers he knew in respect of her. The Climate Integrity Lines staff member was very receptive of the complaint and information about Shonderosa. She said she thought it would receive prompt attention.

The following day at work was very entertaining for D'Arbanville. Shonderosa enjoyed the delight of a visit from the Stasi Sandmen to help her with her rehabilitation from climate hoax advocacy. It was off to the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program for Shonderosa and no argument or objection from her would be entertained.

Sign of Trouble

Felice was walking in her neighbourhood. She walked past the residence of single mother Eloise Shirehampton. The garage door was open. A sign in the garage was visible: Climate Action Now. Felice immediately proceeded to the nearest public telephone and called the Climate Integrity Lines to lay an information about Eloise Shirehampton and her sign. The very helpful Climate Integrity Lines staff member said the information would receive prompt attention. The call ended and Felice resumed her neighbourhood walk.

Within 10 minutes of the call from Felice, two Stasi Sandmen were at the residence of single mother Eloise Shirehampton. She was immediately taken into custody and transported to a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program facility, where she stayed until her court appearance.

Within three hours single mother Eloise Shirehampton was before a Judge and being sentenced for being an Infidel.

Judge: “Ms Eloise Shirehampton, Possession of a Climate Action Now sign makes you a Climate Hoaxing Infidel. There is no defence for your actions and no justification for them. You will be convicted of being an Infidel. You will be micro-chipped, forced to submit to a Digital ID, have to attend a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program and you will be relocated to a 15 Minute City. Your time in the real world is over.”

“I have ordered your former husband be present for these proceedings. I will now address him.

Mr Spectre Shirehampton, You are not in trouble. You will not need legal representation. Do you have any children?

Spectre Shirehampton: Yes, Three.

Judge: With whom do they reside?

Spectre Shirehampton: They reside with their mother, the accused before this Court. She has custody of them.

Judge: I order that Eloise Shirehampton have no contact with her children whatsoever. I order that custody of those children, the children of Spectre Shirehampton and Eloise Shirehampton, be solely with Spectre Shirehampton. Spectre Shirehampton you now have custody of the children. It is hard to imagine circumstances why you might want to attend a 15 Minute City and visit Eloise Shirehampton. The children are never to visit Eloise Shirehampton in her 15 Minute City. The children are to never have contact with her.

Do you understand the orders of this Court with respect to the custody of the children and contact with the mother, Eloise Shirehampton?

Spectre Shirehampton: Yes, Your Honour.

Judge: Sentence having been imposed upon Eloise Shirehampton and orders having been made regarding the residence and custody of the children and contact with their parents, this matter is now complete. Eloise Shirehampton can now be taken to a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program facility.

The 24 hour Propaganda Television / Video Channel picked up the story of Eloise Shirehampton, the single mother with the Climate Action Now sign in her possession and ran it as the top story for three days. The actual identities of the players were not revealed, but otherwise it was made public in all its glory. The good work of the solid, loyal citizen in contacting the Climate Integrity Lines was not missed. It was praised.

Settled Science

The Chief of The Stasi appeared on the 24 hour Propaganda Television / Video Channel to announce that:

“Our experts have settled the science, and it has confirmed what we have long suspected. A significant portion of the Climate Hoax Infidels suffer from an incurable mental illness that precludes them from hearing, seeing, understanding, identifying, recognising, accepting or respecting the truth. This mental illness is called Climatism and leads the Infidels to be potentially very dangerous and possibly extremely violent.

“Solid, loyal citizens, patriots, should not engage with these Infidels. Those citizens should utilise the Climate Integrity Lines and inform the authorities about the Infidels. Our trained Stasi Sandmen will attend upon the Infidels and then deal with them, as required.”

This story was run as the top story every hour on the 24 hour Propaganda Television / Video Channel for about a month. The New Regime also made appropriate official notifications to all facets of the medical profession about the now settled science.

Climatism In The Workplace

Excretia made a complaint of sexual harassment to Ms Human Resources Management about Stephenson, who denied the complaint. Ms Human Resources Management told Stephenson a formal inquiry would be set up by the accountancy firm. Stephenson told his colleague Mandrake about the false complaint and the inquiry. Both Stephenson and Mandrake were angry about the situation.

Mandrake left the company of Stephenson and promptly contacted the Climate Integrity Lines. Mandrake informed the Climate Integrity Lines staff that he was certain Excretia was suffering from Climatism and therefore posing a serious risk to the accountancy firm staff. Mandrake was told trained Stasi Sandmen would be at the accountancy firm as soon as possible to deal with Excretia.

Within 25 minutes two Stasi Sandmen were at the premises of the accountancy firm and had identified Excretia. They wasted no time in executing her in front of several staff members.

The Stasi Sandmen then proceeded to Ms Human Resources Management and had a conversation with her.

Stasi: Did it occur to you at all to enquire as to whether Excretia was suffering from Climatism when you took her complaint from her?

HRM: No.

Stasi: As soon as we saw her, we could tell she was suffering from Climatism. There is no way any complaint from her could possibly be valid.

In the circumstances you will now be required to undertake a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program and we will relocate you to a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program facility.

For the next week the 24 Hour Propaganda Television / Video Channel featured prominently the story of Excretia and how Climatism caused her to make a false complaint. The story also emphasised how the failure of Ms Human Resources Management to respond correctly to the Climatism of Excretia saw her having to undertake a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program. 

Royal Sanction

The Stuffy Shirts Review The Bratwurst Café Adventure

Agent Harriet Windsor telephoned Agent Nicky Parsons: Nicky, Can you and Emily come and see me? There is something I think we should discuss.

Nicky Parsons: No problem. We will be there shortly.

Once the Stuffy Shirts had gathered in her office, Harriet shared her thoughts:

“Our recent adventure with Rhiannon got me thinking. Specifically about your adventure at the Bratwurst Café close to Emily’s place. Where Emily took her fabric softener bottle and poured some of its contents into a pot of tea. She then poured a cup of tea each for the Iron Curtain couple, Svetlana and Igor. The fabric softener became a disabling tool for Svetlana and Igor.

“The Bratwurst Café is where I want us to focus. If the Iron Curtain assassins, Svetlana and Igor, frequented that Café, perhaps they are not the only ones. Maybe we should give the Bratwurst Café a closer look and see if it hosts the wrong kind of customers.”

Emily: Rhiannon is very strong on keeping trouble out of her neighbourhood. I am not fond of trouble frequenting my neighbourhood. I am happy to take a closer look at the Bratwurst Café.

Nicky: Are you suggesting the MI6 finance people have a look at their set up?

Harriet: Yes. And I think we should visit them and see if they are focussed on the correct clientele.

Emily: Tea and muffins, for work purposes?

Nicky: Well done, Emily.

Harriet: Tea and Muffins Round 1 will give us a chance to see what is going on, while the finance people do what they do. Then we can organise Tea and Muffins Round 2, armed with the information of the finance people.

Emily: Agent Parsons, I can see there is a benefit to be had by undertaking Tea and Muffins Round 1 at the Bratwurst Café promptly.

Nicky: Your argument is compelling, Agent Abernathy. Perhaps we could adjourn to the Bratwurst Café for lunch.

Harriet: I embrace your leadership, Agent Parsons. I will make a call to the finance people and then I will be ready to undertake this mission.

Emily: Let us convene in the office of Agent Parsons in 15 minutes and then we can leave for the mission.

Nicky: The Stuffy Shirts are agreed.

The Bratwurst Café

Patronage of the Bratwurst Café was initially sparse and The Stuffy Shirts had no trouble finding a suitable table. They chose a central location, giving them optimum vision of the café happenings. The dining population increased during the lunch period, which was the focus of the visit by The Stuffy Shirts.

Overwhelmingly unremarkable and uncontroversial accurately described the Bratwurst Café The Stuffy Shirts visited. Everything they witnessed and experienced suggested the attendance at the café of the Iron Curtain assassins, Svetlana and Igor, was constrained to a choice by the couple and not part of an Iron Curtain project.

Emily: The good news is so far this Café is not an operational venue for the communist threat.

Harriet: The finance people will soon tell us if that threat is latent rather than obvious.

Nicky: Then we will have to return here to see if our initial assessment was correct.

Emily: Tea and Muffins for Queen and Country, ladies.

Harriet: We need to be well nourished to do our work, Agent Abernathy.

Nicky: Our research must be thorough. Infiltration of the neighbourhood is completely unacceptable.

Emily: Another hour of research here and then we shall return to the office.

Harriet: Correct Agent, Abernathy. It would be foolish to rush.

Nicky: I will get us another pot of tea.

Finance Review of Bratwurst Café

Just under a week later Harriet received the MI6 finance review of the Bratwurst Café. It was clean of any evidence of an Iron Curtain connection.

Harriet telephoned Nicky Parsons: The finance report says the Bratwurst Café is free of communist infiltration.

Nicky Parsons: That is good news. I propose visit two to the Bratwurst Café occur today to ensure our original surveillance and reconnaissance assessment was correct.

Harriet: It will need to be a substantial secondary assessment, Agent Parsons.

Nicky: Nothing less will suffice, Agent Windsor.

Harriet: Will you inform Agent Abernathy?

Nicky: Yes and we can all leave from my office in 30 minutes.

Harriet: Splendid.

During their second work visit to the Bratwurst Café, the Stuffy Shirts made more trips to the café service counter and wandered round the café more than they did on the first visit. The result was the same; nothing suggested the café was part of an Iron Curtain project.

Nicky: I think we should go and visit Rhiannon in her record shop. It was because of her that we discovered this good news.

Harriet: Showing appreciation to Rhiannon for this is a good idea.

Emily: Tea and muffins for work, then visit Rhiannon and thank her. Excellent idea.

Once The Stuffy Shirts were at the Rhiannon record shop, they waited until the customers left the store before they approached Rhiannon at the service counter with her employer. After introductions, Nicky spoke to Rhiannon and her boss remained present:

“Inspired by your unfortunate involvement with the Iron Curtain communists in Flowers From The Market, which we were happy to clean up with you, we decided to take a look at a café in the neighbourhood where Emily lives. An incident occurred their earlier and we wanted to ensure it was not similarly infiltrated like Flowers From The Market. It was clean and it was our dealing with you that led to our discovery of that good news.

We like your idea of keeping the neighbourhood clean of troublemakers.

“You gave Rhiannon a chance at a new life, Mrs Record Store Owner, and my life is better because you did. If there is ever any trouble in your neighbourhood, Mrs Record Store Owner, do not hesitate to call.

“Thank you both. We had better get back to the office.

Harriet walked over to Rhiannon and kissed her on her cheek: “I am glad you did not shoot me and I am glad your Prince came.”

Harriet then walked over to Mrs Record Store Owner and kissed her on her cheek: “Thank you.”

Emily: “Fabric softener as a disabling tool. That story worked for you when we first met, Rhiannon, and it helped give me piece of mind in my neighbourhood. Flowers and fabric softener inspired us to look for communists. Thank you. Your contribution to our work is appreciated.

“Thank you, Mrs Record Store Owner. I appreciate the part you play in all of this.

Nicky: Thank you, ladies. We have to return to work.

The Stuffy Shirts Get a Royal Welcome

Agent Harriet Windsor was alone in her office doing nothing in particular when she received a telephone call:

Adult Female: Is that Harriet Windsor?

Harriet: Yes.

Adult Female: Hold the line please. I have a call for you.

The Queen: Harriet?

Harriet: Yes.

The Queen: It is Elizabeth, your cousin.

Harriet: Elizabeth. The Queen?

The Queen: Do not worry about formalities, Harriet. I want you to come and see me. And I want you to bring your two work friends with you, Nicky Parsons and Emily Abernathy. I will explain it all when you get here. I could send a car for you, but that might draw attention to you. So you can make your own way to the Palace. You know the way. You have been here before.

Harriet: I will be there as soon as I can.

The Queen: Thank you, Harriet. Good-bye.

Harriet immediately telephoned Nicky Parsons: Nicky, Come and see me immediately. Do not delay.

Nicky: OK. I will be there shortly.

Harriet immediately telephoned Emily Abernathy: Emily, Come and see me immediately. Do not delay.

Emily: I am on my way.

Within 5 minutes the Stuffy Shirts were assembled in the office of Harriet.

Harriet: My cousin just rang me. The cousin that is The Queen. She wants the three of us to attend upon her, basically immediately.

Nicky Parsons: The Queen?

Harriet: Do you have any pressing work on?

Nicky: No.

Emily: What is this about?

Harriet: We will find out when we get to Buckingham Palace.

I am a little partial to my cousin. So I intend to answer her request.

Emily: I will be back here in less than 10 minutes with my coat and handbag.

Nicky: My coat and handbag are also coming with me to see The Queen. 10 Minutes.

Harriet: Now that we are ready to leave, I think a taxi is the best transport option. It will attract less attention than a work motor vehicle.

Once the Stuffy Shirts were in the taxi and on their way, Nicky spoke: You are definitely in charge today, Harriet. I may have a butterfly or two in my stomach.

Emily: When you said you would give us a tour, I am sure this was not how I expected it to occur.

Harriet: This is a surprise for me, also.

Once the Stuffy Shirts arrived at Buckingham Palace, Harriet led them to the reception area and dealt with the reception staff.

The Stuffy Shirts waited in silence.

After about ten minutes, The Queen appeared, alone. She walked over to Harriet.

The Queen: Hello, Harriet.

Harriet: Hello, Your Majesty.

Harriet then introduced a rather nervous Nicky Parsons and Emily Abernathy.

The Queen: Thank you for coming, ladies. I think we should go for a walk in the garden.

The Stuffy Shirts followed The Queen to the large garden in front of the palace.

Once the four women were in the garden alone, The Queen spoke.

“I know who the three of you are. That is why you are here. This is business, hopefully disguised as pleasure.

“I have plenty of staff and plenty of security. You three women are outside my security and can do things they cannot. I have been given information, you call it intelligence, that the catering firm hired for a function here next Thursday has been infiltrated by the kind of communists that keep you gainfully occupied. Rather unfriendly bunch. Apparently they plan to kill me. I tend not to have a sense of humour about those things, much like you three ladies. So I thought I would have a chat to you about them. There is no need for you to keep any of them alive, if the intelligence turns out to be true.

If you think your friend who has a rather interesting habit of kneecapping people would assist you in this endeavour, she is welcome to join you.

“I did not invite you ladies here for fun. If these people really are a problem, then take them out, for Queen and Country. Just like you do for others like them.

The circumstances of this conversation should inform you that it is to go not further than us. Do your research. Do your job and one day we may have another chat.

Are there any questions?”

Nicky Parsons: Your Majesty, You want us to be us?

The Queen: Every bit of it, Agent Parsons. I want you to do your absolute worst on these people. No mercy. Something with which I understand you are familiar.

Emily: Your Majesty, I am a little shocked by all of this. We are to be us, effectively with no restrictions, and Rhiannon can join us?

The Queen: Yes, Agent Abernathy. Be your effective selves.

Emily: When I woke up this morning, this was not what I was expecting of my day. I am in. And my very worst is the least they deserve.

Nicky: I am in. I am in and I will talk to Rhiannon. Her skills definitely will not hurt here.

Harriet: You are the Queen and my cousin. I tend not to have a sense of humour when the threat is personal. I am in and formalities will be no impediment to getting the job done.

The Queen: Thank you, ladies. I think it is time for us to adjourn to the Palace for tea and muffins.

Harriet: Tea and muffins?

The Queen: I am The Queen, Harriet. I get to know things.

Nicky and Emily laughed.

The Queen: I see the ice has broken. Now, back to the Palace for tea and muffins.

Preparation Begins

In the taxi on the way back to MI6 Harriet spoke to Nicky and Emily: I will return to the office and get the finance people to look at the caterers. You two can go to see Rhiannon and invite her to join us.

Nicky: Your plan works for me.

Emily: We will come and see you when we get back.

Nicky and Emily browsed the records in the store for several minutes until Rhiannon had dealt with her customers. Then they approached Rhiannon with the news.

Nicky: We are here to recruit you for our latest mission. Apparently intelligence suggests some communists are planning to kill The Queen. Our job is to take them out. You have been invited to join us. Are you interested?

Emily: It is a no restrictions mission.

Rhiannon: Who gave you this mission?

Nicky: A lady called Elizabeth.

Rhiannon: The Queen?

Emily: Yes, and she said you were welcome to join us.

Nicky: Come and be a Stuffy Shirt with us.

Emily: No restrictions.

Nicky: Communists posing as caterers.

Rhiannon: I will take pleasure in spoiling their party.

Nicky: Only five people know about this mission. That is the way it must stay. We will now return to the office and plan the mission. We will let you know when we have more details.

Rhiannon: Tell me the name of these caterers. My network may have some intelligence on them.

Emily: Dynamic Caterers.

Rhiannon then telephoned Mr Loan Shark: Mr Loan Shark, I would like you to give me all the intelligence you have on Dynamic Caterers. There is no need to tell anyone about this. Only you and I need to know about it. I will talk to you again tomorrow to see how you are progressing.

Mr Loan Shark: No trouble, Miss Rhiannon.

Rhiannon: Thank you, Mr Loan Shark. Enjoy your day.

Nicky: We will return to the office. We will be in touch with you.

Rhiannon: Thank you, ladies.

Preparation Continues

Upon her return to MI6, Harriet went to see her colleague in charge of the finance section.

Harriet: I have been given some intelligence, which if correct, is concerning. We cannot afford mistakes on this exercise and I would like you to keep the reason for this research to yourself, but to do the research thoroughly.

Dynamic Caterers has come onto our radar. We need the complete package on them. It is as important to rule people out as it is to rule people in.

Mr Finance: I understand. I will look into Dynamic Caterers for you and I will let you know when my research is complete.

Harriet: Thank you.

Nicky and Emily went to see Harriet when they returned to MI6.

Nicky: Rhiannon needed no persuading. She is happy to be part of the mission. She even had her network look into Dynamic Caterers.

Harriet: The head of our finance section is looking into Dynamic Caterers for me.

Emily: If those caterers turn out to be communists, there is no good reason for their continued existence.

Nicky: I am pretty sure that is why we have this mission.

Harriet: The inclusion of Rhiannon removes any doubt on that issue.

Clarification of The Caterers

The next day Mr Loan Shark went to visit Rhiannon at the record shop a little before lunch time. He waited until the customers left the store.

Mr Loan Shark: It is strange to have 6 Russians in an English catering service. I put all the details of my information in this envelope for you.

Rhiannon: Thank you, Mr Loan Shark. I suspect those Russian caterers might be the recipient of a visit from my friends. I may even help them.

Mr Loan Shark: To check on their health, of course.

Rhiannon: A city showing concern for its inhabitants, Mr Loan Shark.

Mr Loan Shark: I am happy to play my part, Miss Rhiannon.

Rhiannon: I am grateful to you, Mr Loan Shark. Enjoy your day.

Once Mr Loan Shark left the record store, Rhiannon telephoned Nicky Parsons.

Rhiannon: Quite a coincidence that 6 Russians would be in a catering service engaged for a function at Buckingham Palace. 6 Russians and no one else.

Nicky: A remarkable coincidence.

Rhiannon: It is rather amusing that the network connection I contacted is assisting your establishment, without any hesitation.

Nicky: This is a mission unlike all others. I will let you know when I have more information for you.

Nicky then telephoned Harriet: Rhiannon just called me. Dynamic Caterers have quite a recruitment program. 6 Russians in a British catering service engaged for a function at Buckingham Palace. No other staff.

Harriet: Cavalier about the part of not drawing attention to themselves.

I will pass your information on to Mr Finance.

Harriet then telephoned Mr Finance, who told her he was on his way to see her.

When he arrived in her office, Mr Finance confirmed the information. Dynamic Caterers consisted of 6 Russians and no one else. On the surface it looked like a simple catering company. Their recruitment practise suggested catering was not their real business.

Harriet: Ordinarily, Mr Finance, I would be happy to share with you the reason for the enquiry and the mission to which it is connected. On this occasion, I think plausible deniabilty is a better path for you to tread.

Mr Finance: Is that the time? You will have to excuse me, Agent Harriet. There is something that requires my prompt attention.

Harriet: I will delay you no further, Mr Finance. Thank you for your assistance.

The Stuffy Shirts soon assembled in the office of Harriet.

Harriet: 6 staff all Russian, no one even remotely British on staff. Dynamic Caterers need shutting down, permanently.

Emily: I have a surveillance idea. We take some flowers from the new Rhiannon business and purport to supply them to the caterers, so we can get an up close and personal idea of how they operate.

Nicky: I like it. It gets us on the premises and it may even give us an opportunity to take them out.

Emily: My plan is flowers as stage 1 and raid as stage 2, but there may be a need to get lethal on stage 1.

Harriet: I like the idea of taking Rhiannon to any visit to the premises.

Nicky: We need to talk to Rhiannon. So we need to visit her. This may involve tea and muffins.

Emily: Sacrifices have to be made in this job.

Harriet: Back here in 10 minutes with your coats and handbags.

The Rhiannon Record Shop

Several customers were occupying Rhiannon and her employer when the Stuffy Shirts walked in the store. They spent their time browsing until the customers left the store.

Nicky: We have a plan, Rhiannon, and we need your input.

Mrs Record Store Owner: Do I need to leave the room?

Nicky: No. We can be circumspect with our discussion.

Emily: Stage 1 We take some flowers from your new business and purport to supply them to the troublemakers as part of their set up, so we can get an up close and personal idea of how they operate. Stage 2 A raid, where we would conduct business. There may be a need to conduct business on Stage 1.

Harriet: We would pay you for your flowers.

Rhiannon: 4 hustling 6. Those are doable odds.

When do you propose this happen?

Nicky: If you can be at our office at 10:00 am tomorrow, with the flowers. It will unfold from there.

Rhiannon: 10:00 am tomorrow with a bunch of flowers. No problem.

Nicky: Will that be a problem, Mrs Record Store Owner?

Mrs Record Store Owner: No. You ladies do your business.

Emily: Can we thank you with tea and muffins?

Mrs Record Store Owner: Only for 15 minutes, then I have to come back here to run the store. You can take Rhiannon with you.

The Stuffy Shirts Plus One Do Business

Rhiannon and the flowers arrived at MI6 on time. She had a variation to the plan.

Rhiannon: “You Stuffy Shirts enter through the front door. I will take care of the back entrance. Start off calm when you do your flowers sale routine, then get chaotic. The Russians being greeted by excitable women selling flowers should destabilise them and add in the language problems for good measure.

“Stay alert. You may have to conduct business immediately.”

Harriet: Unsettle them with a chaotic sales pitch?

Rhiannon: Yes. And it may not hurt to mention the language a few times.

Emily: The plan works for me.

Nicky: I like it.

When the agents arrived at the premises of Dynamic Caterers, Rhiannon made her way to the rear. Two males were loading material into a van marked Dynamic Caterers. Rhiannon did not hesitate, she immediately took them both out. A couple of shots to the legs and then several shots to the chest and head. Quick, clean and decisive.

After reloading her firearm, Rhiannon entered the rear of the premises.

Happy Emily greeted the Russian caterers with the flowers in her hand.

There were three men in the store and Emily spoke to all of them, individually and together. From the outset they could not work out what was going on.

Harriet joined in the conversation and elevated her voice. She adopted the same tactics: talk to all of them, talk to one or two of them.

Nicky was watching and listening. The Rhiannon plan was working. When she joined the conversation her voice was elevated further. The confusion saw another male join them trying to work out what was going on.

Rhiannon was now in the premises with them and she got straight down to business. A knee shot and a head shot took care of the last Russian to join the confusion.

Emily emptied her firearm into the chest of the Russian standing in front of her.

Nicky put three shots into the forehead of the Russian in front of her.

Four women and one Russian was all that remained.

The Russian was surrounded and Emily had reloaded.

Harriet was surprisingly calm. She grabbed the remaining Russian by his hair and told him to get down on his knees.

She put her firearm to his forehead and said: “You wanted to kill The Queen. You wanted to kill my cousin.

You should have stayed in Russia and left us alone.”

Harriet then emptied her firearm into his forehead.

Rhiannon calmly walked over to Harriet and put her arms around her.

Rhiannon said: “It’s over” and walked Harriet to a chair to sit down.

Rhiannon: “Nicky, you might want to call this in to MI6, so a clean up crew can do their work. No rush. Excellent work, ladies.”

Emily: I will call it in.

Nicky: This is not tea and muffins. This is steak sandwiches.

Rhiannon: There is one more task I need to undertake.

Rhiannon: Hello, Buckingham Palace. This is a message for Her Majesty The Queen from her cousin Lady Harriet Windsor. She will have to get new caterers for her function on Thursday. Dynamic Caterers are no longer in business. Thank you.

Royal Messenger: Your Majesty, about an hour ago we received a rather strange message from your cousin, Lady Harriet Windsor. You will have to get new caterers for your function on Thursday. Dynamic Caterers are no longer in business.

The Queen: Thank you, Lady Harriet. Thank you. 

The Consequences Mirror

 Dresden Leipzig sought to relive some of the tedium and boredom of his new 15 Minute City life by going for a walk in his neighbourhood. Leipzig was struck by the magnitude of surveillance cameras that populated the neighbourhood.

He was not really keeping track of time during his walk. Leipzig was gone from his apartment from between an hour and a half to two hours and when he returned home, he found himself locked out of his apartment, for reasons unknown to him.

He passed the time in the evening walking the streets to the City centre.

That venture saw him encounter city security officers, who informed him he was in breach of the recently implemented curfew.

Leipzig: I was not aware of the curfew.

Security Officer: Notification was sent earlier today to the computer in your apartment.

Leipzig: I am locked out of my apartment for reasons not known to me.

Security Officer: That is not our problem. You are in breach of the curfew. We will now arrest you and take you into custody. Needless to say, this will adversely impact your carbon footprint score.

Leipzig enjoyed some comfort during his time in the watch house cell, he had no companions to share or aggravate his misery.

When the security officer greeted Dresden the next morning, the officer told Dresden they had decided not to put Dresden before the court. He was free to make his way home. They were also confident there would be no problem for Dresden accessing his apartment when he returned there.

Dresden knew better than to argue with or complain about his treatment to the security officers. It was an exasperated and infuriated Dresden who walked home from the City watch house.

Sporadically seeing billboards proclaiming:

• Enjoy your 15 Minute City, Infidels. This was the life you wanted.

on his way home did nothing to lighten the mood of Dresden.

New Regime

The New Regime was determined to revamp the legal system and that change would be personally overseen by The Chief of The Stasi.

Court was in session and The Chief of The Stasi entered the Court, visibly possessed of a firearm.

Stasi Officer: Everyone keep quiet and do not move.

A court administrative staffer was foolish enough to ignore him and moved.

Without flinching, the Stasi Officer trained his firearm on the defiant court administrative staffer and ended her life.

Stasi Officer: I said do not move. Do not even think of calling security. You will live, if you do what I say.

Stasi Officer: Judge, There is a New Regime and that regime is going to do things very differently. This time properly. You will do as I say or you will suffer the consequences.

Judge: Looking a little perplexed.

Stasi Officer: Judge, Telephone your mother. Do not argue. Just Do it.

The Judge telephoned his mother, as requested.

Stasi Officer: Put it on speaker, Judge.

The Judge complied.

The Mother of the Judge spoke to the Judge: Son, why are there men with guns here?

Stasi Officer: "Hello, Mrs Judge. The Judge is learning the importance of doing things the way the New Regime wants things done, not the corrupt way the old regime did things.

I am sure the Judge will want to comply and not try to be a hero.

Have a nice day, Mrs Judge."

The telephone call ended and The Chief of The Stasi left the Courtroom to pursue other duties.

The Following Day

The following day The Chief of The Stasi returned to the court. This time he had colleagues with him and they were all obviously brandishing firearms. He also brought with him Mrs Judge, the mother of the Judge.

As soon as the Stasi Officer and his entourage entered the courtroom, he said:

“No one is leaving this courtroom and do not even think of speaking or moving.

Mr Judge, It was made explicitly clear to you yesterday that a new regime was in power and the law will comply with the wishes of the new regime.

You have shown by the judgment you have just given that you have no intention of complying with the law of the new regime. Such defiance will not be tolerated.

You mother was part of the explanation process yesterday. She is here today to witness what happens to people who defy the new regime.”

By now two armed new regime males were positioned either side of the Judge, with their firearms drawn.

The Stasi Officer continued:

“You now have a choice Mr Judge: Do it yourself or we will do it for you."

One of the new regime males then placed a firearm on the bench in front of the Judge. There was absolute silence in the courtroom. Everyone could see there were several firearms trained on the Judge’

The Stasi Officer continued: “Eat it, Judge, or we will do it for you.”

It was then that the true horror of the situation into which the Judge had placed himself became clear to him.

The Stasi Officer: “You do not get a second chance, Judge. Eat it. You have 30 seconds.”

The Judge picked up the gun, but seemed to hesitate.

The New Regime officers did not hesitate. The life of the Judge was ended immediately, and in front of his mother.

The Stasi Officer: “It is unfortunate your son chose to be defiant, rather than compliant, Mrs Judge. We are confident you will not make the kind of mistake he made. One of my colleagues will now drive you home.”

“To everyone else present in this courtroom, defiance will not be tolerated. Could one of you administrative people get a new Judge to this Court immediately, please.”

A female administrative officer then telephoned someone: “There has been a situation in Court 17. We need a new Judge here immediately.”

Within 10 minutes a new Judge was in the courtroom.

The Stasi Officer addressed him, as he observed the now deceased Judge being removed from the chair:

“You will reverse the orders made in this case by your now late colleague or you will enjoy the same fate as him. Should any of your colleagues choose to defy the New Regime, your future will be the same as his.

The lawyers here will help you make the correct orders.

Should anyone choose defiance, we will find you and extinguish you.”

The Stasi Officer and his entourage then left the courtroom.

Princess of Language Hypocrisy

The Princess of Language Hypocrisy was in line at the Electricity Company, waiting to pay her Utility Bill, which was due that day. In her company was a male companion.

Relevantly they had the following conversation, where she opined in respect of her male companion:

“Oh, people will say, That’s what he said. That’s not what he meant.”

The male companion looked at her and answered:

“I meant what I said. How could you take it any other way?”

The demands of the Electricity Company interrupted further conversation. The Princess of Language Hypocrisy presented her bill to the staff member and said she would like to pay the entire amount on the bill.

The Electricity Company staff member appeared to process her credit card payment in settlement of the bill. All appeared in order, so The Princess of Language Hypocrisy and her male companion left the premises.

Three (3) days later The Princess of Language Hypocrisy was contacted by the Electricity Company to inform her that her Utility Bill remained unpaid. The Princess then made a second relevant trip to the Electricity Company, accompanied by what she thought was the relevant paperwork confirming the subject bill had been paid.

When The Princess eventually saw an Electricity Company staff member in relation to the bill, she presented her paperwork claiming it supported her contention that the subject bill had been paid.

The Electricity Company staff member responded:

“Madame, We have conducted a review of your account and of the subject transaction to which you refer. Our staff member dealing with you on that occasion is clear. When you said you wanted to pay the bill, she knew that is what you said. She also knew That is not what you meant. Accordingly, the funds from that transaction were applied elsewhere.”

“Madame, You are not being punished because you are an unfaithful wife, nor are you being punished because you are a climate hoaxer. You are being punished because you have not paid the subject bill. As the subject bill remains unpaid, Carbon Credit penalties will apply to you, until such time as the subject bill is paid.”

“Madame, If you are having trouble accurately remembering the day in question, we have reviewed the video recording of your attendance upon us that day.

Relevantly we note you told your male companion:

“Oh, people will say, That’s what he said. That’s not what he meant.”

All that has happened with you Madame, is that you have been subjected to your own ideology.”

“Perhaps you could take some time to consider your position, Madame, while we serve other customers, and then you can tell us whether you want to pay the subject bill. If that bill is paid, Carbon Credit penalties for late payment will not apply to you.”

Roughly 15 minutes later The Princess was approached by three (3) large male regime security officers. One of those officers spoke to The Princess:

“We note you have not paid your Utility Bill. We also note you are an unfaithful wife and a Climate Hoaxer. It looks like you would benefit from a Three (3) month stint in our 15 Minute Cities Re-Education program. That program will help you correct your thinking.”

Within an hour, The Princes of Language Hypocrisy was receiving her induction to the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program. The Regime Officer conducting the induction said to The Princess:

“All you had to do was pay your Utility Bill. Instead, you insisted on drawing attention to yourself and now you are being inducted into this program. Welcome to Your Actions Have Consequences.”

The Princess was uncharacteristically silent during that conversation and induction program.

15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program

Just over a week after spending a night in custody for breaching a curfew, Dresden discovered the new regime was keen to share more of its hospitality with him. He was visited at his home by security officers, who informed him he had been enrolled in a 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program and his attendance was required immediately.

Surprisingly, for someone who previously strongly advocated for re-education programmes for Infidels, Dresden was less than enthusiastic that he should have to attend one.

Even in the induction program for the 15 Minute Cities Re-Education Program, the message was clear:

• The Infidels have a choice: Epiphany or Eternal Damnation in 15 Minute Cities.

That message was repeated relentlessly during the Re-Education Program.

During the actual Re-Education Program more messages were repeated relentlessly:

• Every single piece of the 15 Minute Cities comes from the Infidels.

• The Infidels are the problem.

• Infidels should be given no respite from the hell their religious fervour and zealotry created, unless their epiphany is genuine and permanent.

• Unless they have an epiphany, the damnation of Infidels in the 15 Minute Cities will be eternal, without relief.

• The whole idea of 15 Minute Cities in the New Regime is to show that they are a bad idea and should never be implemented.

• The only people in the 15 Minute Cities are the people who advocated for them.

The lecturers at the Re-Education Program did not miss their targets. Dresden Leipzig and The Princess of Language Hypocrisy were focal points. They were seen as regime recalcitrants and relentlessly punished.

Not revealing the indiscretions of the other was seen as a serious breach by the lecturers and significant punishments were meted out to Dresden Leipzig and The Princess of Language Hypocrisy, including the imposition of Carbon Footprint penalties.

It is difficult to say that attendees of the Re-Education Program were dehumanised, given it was the very type of program for which they advocated for Infidels of their religious zealotry.

The Princess of Language Hypocrisy had a great deal of difficulty understanding the rank hypocrisy of her position.

That position of:

• "That's what he said. That's not what he meant."

could equally be applied to her in a regime that relentlessly implemented a:

• "This is your ideology. This is what you wanted" ideology.

The Princess wanted to control the language, but she did not want that ideology used against her.

Her stay at the 15 Minute City looks to be long and painful.

The attack upon Dresden Leipzig by the regime was brutal and relentless. This was what he wanted and this was what he was getting. Leipzig was used as an example of everything bad the re-education program lecturers wanted to emphasise. It is accurate to say there was an attempt to make him a pariah even in a community of Infidels.

The sun was never going to shine for Dresden Leipzig. There would be no new dawn. There would be no new day.

The Fallout

MI6 Boss Meets with Sir Julian Finch

MI6 Boss: This is the Chief of The Secret Intelligence Service. I would like to speak with Sir Julian Finch, Permanent Under-Secretary at the Foreign Office. We are known to each other and he definitely wants to speak with me.

MI6 Boss: Sir Julian, We have not seen each other for ages. Are you aware there is a park near my office? Touching grass is wonderfully invigorating. And that park allows you to have a conversation without the complication of unnecessary ears.

Sir Julian: A park?

MI6 Boss: A park. Wonderfully free of prying eyes and unwanted ears.

Sir Julian: We could have a conversation in my office.

MI6 Boss: Of course, we could have a conversation in your office and everyone in your office would know I was there speaking with you. No doubt there would be entries in the Log of Visitors. A walk in the park has none of those complications.

Sir Julian: So you are not suggesting I attend your office, to catch up with you, but rather we meet in the park near you?

MI6 Boss: Meeting in the office is resplendent with complications. Walking in the park frees us from prying eyes and unwanted ears. And the park visuals are much more invigorating than our offices.

Sir Julian: A park is very unconventional.

MI6: You are correct, Sir Julian and I realise I have misread the situation. I will shortly attend upon your office, with entries in the Log of Visitors, with prying eyes and unwanted ears and we can have the candid and sensitive conversation that is necessary between us. I had intended to walk to the park, but I will drive to your office, or more correctly be driven. That will be more records of our meeting. I apologise for overlooking the need to follow protocol.

Sir Julian: A candid and sensitive conversation, you say?

MI6 Boss: Yes.

Sir Julian: It seems you are refreshing my memory. It is rather a large park. And quite attractive. Certainly in comparison to our drab offices.

MI6 Boss: A large and beautiful park, which is usually sparsely populated during work hours.

Sir Julian: That sounds like the kind of venue where your conversation is unlikely to be interrupted.

MI6 Boss: A highly recommendable quality in a park.

Sir Julian: So you are suggesting we go for a walk in the park near your office?

MI6 Boss: I know it is walking distance from your office. Meet me just inside the entrance that faces the street outside my building in 20 minutes. You have not got anything better to do.

Sir Julian: I will see you in 20 minutes.

The telephone call then ended and the MI6 Boss made his way to the park shortly thereafter.

When the MI6 Boss saw Sir Julian had attended the park, he was a little surprised, but grateful. The telephone call seemed to be making slow progress.

MI6 Boss to Sir Julian: “Getting you here was like pulling teeth. I do not intend to waste time. You have a very serious problem. One of your officers, Contessa Fortescue, a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6, has, or more accurately now, had a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend. The partial good news for you is one of my agents killed him a few days ago. And killed one of his colleagues also. They were both in the apartment the assassin seemed to be sharing with your officer.

We have got your Contessa in custody and we have got a book we intend to throw at her. When we confronted your Contessa shortly after my agent rid the world of those two assassins, she refused to cooperate with us.

As I see it, the question for you is to what extent has this female traitor compromised your department and the government? There may well be other areas that enjoy the splendour of her betrayal and compromise.

It seems I will have to do an investigation into your department.

The killing of the Iron Curtain assassins aside, there is no part of this I am enjoying.

That, all of that, is why we are walking in the park."

Sir Julian: That is quite a lot of bad news.

MI6 Boss: Do you have any thoughts on how you propose to handle that bad news and in particular, the potential compromise of your department and the government by the traitor?

Sir Julian: "A brutal Iron Curtain assassin ... in the heart of Whitehall. This is an unmitigated disaster, 'C'. One we must contain at all costs. My proposal for handling this ... particular stain ... is to establish a Joint, Covert Task Force. It would comprise a small, trusted team from my department, working directly and solely with a liaison from your Service. Their mandate would be to exhaustively audit Contessa's entire operational footprint – her access, her communications, her movements, and crucially, any individuals she may have influenced or compromised. We must demonstrate a swift and decisive response, but one that is completely under wraps. The last thing we need is this becoming fodder for public consumption or, heaven forbid, a diplomatic incident with our allies."

MI6 Boss: “I am convinced you have not fully switched on to this. I am meeting you in a park, not either of our offices, to deliver this bad news to you and you are telling me your concern is becoming fodder for public consumption or a diplomatic incident with our allies.

Your department has been compromised by a traitor. I have no sense of humour about this and very little patience. I should never have had to have this conversation with you. The inquiry is yours, but I will monitor it, and if I do not like it, there will be serious trouble for you.

“I deal with people who want to kill us. There are a lot of them. I do not have time to investigate public servants who allow their departments to be compromised by traitors and who align themselves with people who want to kill us.

“To help you with your deliberations and to assist you in focussing your attention, it will be useful for you to remember, we kill people. The boyfriend of the traitor is now dead and so is his colleague. Switch on to how serious this breach is. My loyalty and the loyalty of my team is to Queen and Country and we serve with pleasure.

“You will do this inquiry and you will do it properly. There is no other option for you.

"I will now return to my office. I suggest you take some time to walk in this park and appreciate its beauty, before you return to your office. And also take some time to appreciate the magnitude of the task ahead of you and how failure is not an option.”

Confronting The Traitor

M2 was not finished with the traitor, Contessa Fortescue. He attended upon her in custody. And he brought some photographs with him to endeavour to enrich her custodial experience.

Introductory pleasantries were minimal from M2. He got straight down to business.

“I watched and waited for three (3) days for my chance with your boyfriend. When he gave it to me, I took it, immediately. And I took his mate with him. You were lucky you were not with them.”

M2 then told Contessa:

“This is how we deal with traitors.”

Channelling Agent Nicky Parsons, M2 showed Contessa photographs of the two (2) now deceased Iron Curtain agents whom Nicky Parsons used as a  human shield (from the Soho gambling den raid and the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.).

“You had your chance to cooperate and you rejected it.

"With human shields as part of our arsenal now, we get to be even more effective in our raids.

"I will enjoy every moment of you being a human shield.”

M2 spent several minutes patiently going through the photographs of the now deceased human shields.

“I am grateful to our crime scenes teams for having the insight to photograph these degenerates after their demise. It enables their utility to continue after their life has been extinguished.

That look of terror on your face is you realising, it is not a matter of if for you, it is a matter of when.”

M2 then collected the photographs and said: “This visit is done.”

M2 then ended his meeting with Contessa Fortescue and made his way to work.

Team Meeting

The day after M2 had his not so romantic interlude with Contessa, Nicky Parsons called a team meeting of The Famous Five. The main topic of discussion was the traitor Contessa Fortescue and what should happen with her.

Nicky proposed a campaign of deliberate psychological torment involving Nicky or Harriet (or both) systematically arranging interviews with Contessa on three (3) separate occasions, only to cancel them on the day of the proposed meeting. The aim being to escalate the anxiety and despair of Contessa.

M1: That sounds like a great plan.

M2: I like it.

Emily: It definitely has a delicious quality to it.

Harriet: What is not to like?

Nicky: That went down even better than I had hoped.

M2: "Does the traitor become one of your human shields?

I would be quite happy to utilise her as a human shield."

Nicky: This is an interesting meeting. The human shield was my next proposed topic of discussion.

M1: The traitor has no utility for MI6, other than as a human shield. She is no different than the Iron Curtain agents you burned in the Soho gambling den raid and the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.

Emily: It looks like we might be looking for a venue to raid.

Harriet: I have a few prospective venues, but there is some material through which I must trawl. Perhaps we could share that load?

Nicky: Ideally it would be a quick, uncomplicated raid.

M1: A repeat of the Bookshop raid?

Nicky: That was the kind of raid I had in mind.

Harriet: My prospective venues generally seem to fit that mould.

Nicky: Things are a bit quiet here at the moment, for which I am grateful. It seems we are available to help you with your trawling.

Do you have a favourite prospective venue?

Harriet: “The most likely venue is a Small Corner Shop with a Back Room in BeBop Circus. It is used as a drop point and a place to store and then pass on sensitive materials. 

The intelligence I have is that sensitive materials are present waiting for an exchange. The hidden back room is where hosting the materials and the exchanges occur.

The sensitive material the subject of the exchange is said to be False Passports and Travel Documents for some undesirable Iron Curtain agents, with the aim of creating false identities for ongoing operations within the UK.

In the circumstances our trawling would be to see if there was a better option and perhaps think of any reason not to use that venue as the raid venue.”

Nicky: “If you can share your trawling load around the team, we can help you.”

The Boss Joins The Team Meeting

It was then that the Boss entered the office of Nicky Parsons.

The Boss: “This is convenient. I can tell you all the news. Sir Julian Finch is the Permanent Under-Secretary at the Foreign Office. Relevantly, he is the boss of your traitorous acquaintance, Contessa Fortescue. He and I have had a chat. Sir Julian will conduct a review of his department, which I will monitor. So you can be comforted that some progress is being made in that area and we can concentrate on our own work.

“Where are my manners? Good morning, agents. 

Now that I have caught you up with the relevant news, I will leave you to continue with your work.

Thank you, agents.”

The boss then left the office of Nicky Parsons and returned to his own office.

Emily: Now I know the Boss does whirlwind visits.

M1: If Sir Julian Finch is conducting a review of his department, the traitor Contessa Fortescue has no utility to offer MI6, other than to be a human shield.

Harriet: That is certainly an interesting take from the news of the Boss. It is also a take with which I agree.

Emily: It seems the raid planning will be intensifying.

M2: There is no reason to spare the traitor from being a human shield.

Nicky: OK, then. It looks like we will be meeting back here tomorrow to refine the raid planning. I will let you know when I settle on a time. In the meantime, Harriet will give us some of her intelligence material, so we can help her with her trawling.

Follow-Up Team Meeting

The discussions in the follow-up team meeting were fairly brief.

• It was agreed Harriet had made the best choice for the raid venue, the BeBop Circus Corner Shop with a Hidden Back Room.

• There was no reason to change the pairings from the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury:

• M1 and Agent Emily will cover the back entrance.

• M2, Agent Harriet, Nicky Parsons and the traitor, Contessa Fortescue, will take the front entrance.

• Harriet would again ensure the proposed human shield (Contessa) was available to accompany them on the raid.

• M1 had driving duties and M2 had equipment duties.

The discussion then moved on to whether it would be prudent to have more than just The Famous Five attend the raid from MI6. It was agreed two other teams would attend the raid, because there may be a significant gathering in the hidden room and the extra agents would be required to subdue and secure the transgressors.

Nicky Parsons would take care of organising the extra MI6 agents to attend the raid.

It was proposed they leave from MI6 at 11:00 am, as the meeting they proposed to interrupt was scheduled for noon.

The Raid

Everything went smoothly preparation-wise on the morning of the raid. There seemed to be an air of glee in the Famous Five MI6 vehicle as they approached the pick-up location for their now handcuffed traitor colleague.

When Nicky Parsons appeared to collect her from her MI6 agents was the first time Cintessa learned about her impending adventure.

Upon greeting Contessa and the MI6 colleagues, all that Nicky Parsons said was: “You are coming with me.”

Agent Parsons walked Contessa to the MI6 vehicle and placed her in the back seat. Once Nicky Parsons resumed her seat in the vehicle, she said to Contessa: “You are going on an adventure.”

There was no other conversation until the agents arrived at the raid venue.

As the Famous Five alighted from the vehicle and put on their protective equipment for the raid, M2 had his only conversation with Contessa. And it was very brief: “Judgment day has arrived.”

A rather concerned Contessa asked: What is going on?

Nicky Parsons replied: “This is your adventure.”

The terror was building in Contessa.

As Nicky Parsons grabbed Contessa and placed her directly in front of her, Contessa was saying “No” over and over.

Parsons: Too late, Traitor.”

Parsons grabbed Contessa tight and shoved her through the front door of the Corner Shop.

The raiding agents were greeted by panicked occupants of the Corner Shop, who unleashed a burst of gunfire. Almost all of that gunfire was caught by the human shield, Contessa, as the team had planned and M2 had foreshadowed.

Contessa spent the remainder of the raid on the floor. Her life was now over.

Once the gunfire receded, the panicked corner shop occupants were subdued and handcuffed.

A corner shop staff member was then volunteered by MI6 to provide access to the hidden back room. He did not need to be convinced to cooperate.

By the time the hidden back room was to be breached, all the MI6 agents were in the corner store. All the undesirables in the hidden back room were surprised by the breach, but they did not respond with gunfire. Their response was more akin to freezing, which made their apprehension easier.

Securing the sensitive materials the subject of the meeting and the raid was then a simple task.

Harriet had contacted MI6 for a clean up team by the time the agents returned to the body of the corner shop. And they arrived within 15 minutes.

The raid went smoothly and the Famous Five achieved all their goals.

There was no discussion of Contessa Fortescue in the vehicle on the return journey to MI6 headquarters.

As they were getting close to MI6 headquarters, Emily said: “We should adjourn for lunch before we return to the office.”

M1: Lunch:

M2: Lunch

Harriet: Definitely lunch.

Nicky: Lunch, it is.

M2 Goes Buck Wild

 It was an unusual Intelligence Briefing from Agent Harriet, but it was no less significant than her other style and type of briefing.

Agent Harriet: “There are very scant reports of a serious Iron Curtain assassin relocating to London. If they are true, MI6 is very interested in taking him out.”

The MI6 agents in attendance at the briefing were given a Briefing Folder. That part of the briefing was normal practice.

M2 was in attendance at the briefing and took a Briefing Folder to read. When he returned to his office, he read the folder contents and looked at the photographs. Something about this struck him, but he could not identify what it was. He read the folder contents several times over the ensuing days. There was something about the photographs, also.

M2 said nothing to anyone about this. He kept his thoughts to himself.

One night not too long after the Intelligence Briefing M2 found himself catching a later train than usual home. It was an unremarkable journey until the train approached Modalvale Train Station. He saw a female from another agency, whom he had met once or twice previously, but whose identifying details escaped him, getting rather cosy with a male.

They both walked across the road from the train station to an apartment above the small fruit shop. As fate would have it, technical difficulties meant the M2 train was delayed at the station longer than usual. M2 maintained his interest in the female he thought was familiar to him and her male companion. Shortly before the train left the station to continue its journey, the female and her male companion appeared visible in the apartment. The male turned to face the train station and M2 got a glimpse of him. Immediately, M2 got flashes of the photographs from the Agent Harriet Intelligence Briefing. He was the guy the subject of the Intelligence Briefing, M2 thought.

Home was not far away for M2. When he arrived home, he put down some things he did not want to take with him and returned to the train station. He caught the next train to Modalvale station. M2 then looked around the precincts of Modalvale train station. He noticed across the road from the fruit shop (the other side of the train tracks) was what appeared to be a vacant building. There was an elevated vacancy at the level or just above of the apartment where his female colleague and her friend seemed to be staying. It was a little off centre from that apartment, but it still had good vision. It was an otherwise small and quiet train station.

M2 got a bit of a sense of the immediate area, then went home.

When he attended work the next day, M2 maintained his silence about what he thought he saw. He read the Intelligence Briefing Folder contents again and spent some time looking at the photographs.

His interest in the apparently vacant property adjacent to the Modalvale train station continued. When his train home that evening stopped at the Modalvale train station, M2 focussed his attention on the apparently vacant property. It continued to appear vacant.

As his train to work the next morning was pulling away from Modalvale train station, he was sure he saw his colleague with her cosy companion enter the station platform. Unfortunately all these moments were fleeting glimpses and not something solid upon which he could be certain of what he believed he saw.

Firearm Training

When M2 arrived at work, he made some enquiries about his firearm training. As he suspected, it had been a while since he had been to the MI6 shooting range for firearms training. M2 had a conversation with Agent Harriet about attending the range and undergoing firearms training. He said his desk was light on missions work and this was a useful and necessary way to spend his time. Agent Harriet agreed and arrangements were made for M2 to immediately attend the MI6 shooting range.

Upon arriving at the range, M2 did some handgun training, but he told those in charge at the range that it was sniper training that he thought should be the focus of his attention. No one else was using the sniper facilities, so M2 was easy to accommodate.

M2 was focussed and his session was long. Twice in three days M2 had long sessions at the MI6 shooting range working on his sniper skills. He knew how important it was that he not miss.

During his commute home on that second day of sniper training, M2 was sure he saw the cosy couple again at Modalvale train station and even though his vision of them was fleeting, his plan was solidified.

At work the next day M2 called in to the firearms area of MI6. He was reasonably friendly with one of the staff there and he asked if he might take a sniper suitcase with him, so he could work on his sniper training. His colleague said it was a quiet period, so that should not be a problem.

The Stakeout

With the sniper suitcase now in his possession, M2 made his way to the Modalvale train station precincts and gained access to the vacant premises he had been checking out. The elevation was good and so was the vision, except for when a train was at the station.

M2 had clearly done some preparation for his stakeout. He brought food supplies with him and a sleeping bag. Importantly he set up the sniper rifle and focussed it on the apartment above the small fruit shop across the road. He even brought a radio with him, to keep him company.

That evening the cozy couple made their way to the apartment after work for the day had ended. M2 had good vision of the male, through the sniper rifle sight. But a train interrupted his vision and when the train departed, his male target was no longer in sight.

Even though his sighting was fleeting, M2 was certain he was watching the Iron Curtain assassin the subject of the Agent Harriet Intelligence Briefing.

There were no more sightings that day. The next day M2 saw a different male attend the apartment from the train station. He also jogged the Harriet Intelligence Briefing memory of M2, albeit from an earlier occasion. There was some bad Iron Curtain fruit gathering above the Modalvale fruit shop. 

For three days M2 staked out the apartment above the fruit shop.

The first day of the apparent absence from MI6 was explained by his colleagues as due to firearms training. The second day he was assumed to be away ill. By the third day, his absence was the subject of some discussion. No one knew where he was or where to look for him. He was not answering his telephone at home.

By lunch time on day three of the M2 stakeout, activity at the apartment had escalated. M2 could clearly see he was correct about the male getting cozy with his female colleague. He was the Iron Curtain assassin the subject of the Agent Harriet Intelligence Briefing. M2 just needed a clean shot at him now.

Things got even more interesting when M2 realised that assassin was also hosting another Iron Curtain assassin.

M2 was focussed and waiting for a clean shot opportunity to arise. Luck was with M2. Both Iron Curtain assassins turned to walk towards the open window. M2 had a clean shot opportunity at each of the men.

His primary target was the assassin the subject of the Harriet Intelligence Briefing. M2 did not wait.

With his target clearly in his sniper rifle sight, M2 said: “For Queen and Country” and put two (2) rounds in his forehead.

Before Target 1 hit the floor, Target 2, the other Iron Curtain assassin, had two (2) rounds put in his forehead by M2 and quickly joined Target 1 on the floor.

M2 then went about packing up his sniper rifle kit and then packing up his stakeout site. That was more important than calling in the situation.

Once M2 was packed up, he made his way to the public telephone at the Modalvale train station and telephoned Agent Harriet.

M2: Agent Harriet, Can you organise a clean up team to be sent to the apartment above the fruit shop across the road from Modalvale train station, please.

By the way, the Iron Curtain assassin the subject of your recent Intelligence Briefing will no longer be a problem. A colleague of his will also no longer be troubling us.

I am not sure how long that takes to organise, but there seems to be a female from another one of our agencies who is (or was) apparently involved with your now late Iron Curtain friend and she definitely seems to be worthy of a candid discussion.

I am at the Modalvale train station. I will wait until you guys arrive.

Agent Harriet: I will take care of it for you.

The call then ended.

The Famous Five Go To Modalvale Train Station

Agent Harriet then telephoned Nicky Parsons: Come and see me, now. Do not delay.

Agent Harriet then made arrangements for a clean up team to attend, as M2 requested.

5 minutes later Nicky Parsons was in the office of Harriet.

Harriet closed the door.

Harriet: M2 has been located. It seems he was working. He just asked for a clean up team to attend near Modalvale train station. Apparently the situation is not completed. There is a female part of the puzzle who is unlikely to know of the news and has yet to be located. It is probably a good idea to get Emily and M1 and go to the Modalvale train station. I am confident I do not need to do any more organising here, so I can accompany you, if you consider it appropriate.

Parsons: I will get Emily and M1 and we can all catch a train to Modalvale. We will be back to collect you shortly.

Before Harriet, Nicky, Emily and M1 left for the train station, Harriet said: “It is sufficient for present purposes to say, there is a situation in the vicinity of Modalvale train station. When we arrive there, M2 can expand upon the details.”

As Harriet foreshadowed, when The Famous Five gathered at Modalvale train station, a relaxed and calm M2 found a spot away from unnecessary ears and explained what had transpired. More correctly, he told them enough of what transpired for them to be informed. He may not have told them everything.

The MI6 clean up team had been and gone from the apartment where the situation occurred. The Famous Five were now potentially waiting for the female involved to arrive either at the station or the apartment. With the explanation of M2 now complete, the agents positioned themselves so they could monitor both the train (and passengers) arrival and departure and the apartment.

After about an hour, M2 told his colleagues the female in question had just alighted from a train and he identified her.

Nicky Parsons: I think I know her. I will go and introduce myself to her.

Emily: The rest of us will wait here for you.

Liaising with The Liaison Officer

Agent Parsons approached the subject female as she was making her way to the exit of the train station:

“Contessa Fortescue, I have not seen you for ages.”

Contessa: Agent Parsons from MI6?

Parsons: Correct

Contessa: What brings you to this part of town?

Parsons: You. We are going to walk over to my colleagues and then we are going to have a chat. This is not a time for you to argue or be heroic.

Contessa: What is this about?

Parsons: We can chat when we get to my colleagues.

Contessa complied with the request of agent Parsons and they walked over to the rest of The Famous Five.

When they arrived, agent Parsons asked Contessa: Can you clarify something for me. You are employed as a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6?

Contessa: Yes.

Parsons: Please wait here with my colleagues. I have to make a telephone call.

Agent Parsons then proceeded to the public telephone and called the secretary to the Boss.

“Hello, Miss Secretary.”

Secretary: Hello, Agent Parsons

Parsons: I need to speak to the Boss about a sensitive issue. The kind where we do not want unnecessary ears.

Secretary: Wait on. I will let him know.

He is waiting to speak with you. I will put you through.

Parsons: Hello, Sir. There is a sensitive situation at Modalvale train station. I am sure we could find a park nearby to discuss it.

Boss: A park, Agent Parsons?

Parsons: One with very few ears. Near Modalvale train station, which is where I am now.

Boss: A park, Agent Parsons?

Parsons: Definitely a park, Sir, and only your lovely secretary needs to know you are coming here. If you take the train, Sir, you will not have to trouble yourself with the complications of a driver and a motor vehicle. It is a short train ride.

Boss: I will be at the Modalvale train station as soon as I can.

Parsons: Thank you, Sir.

The call ended and Agent Parsons returned to her colleagues and Contessa Fortescue.

Parsons: Interesting choice of yours for a boyfriend, Contessa. An Iron Curtain assassin and a brutal one, at that.

Emily: A mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 with a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend. That is not complicated at all.

M2: Perhaps more than one.

Emily: Oh, this keeps getting better.

Harriet: I really want to see the paperwork where the government has approved a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 having a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend.

M1: More than one brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend. Clearly you like to live dangerously.

Meanwhile Agent Parsons was talking to M2.: Is there a park nearby this train station?

M2: Yes. There is a cricket field one street over.

Parsons: Wonderfully helpful of Modalvale.

The Boss Joins The Liaison with The Liaison Officer

The Boss arrived shortly thereafter.

Agent Parsons walked over to greet him.

After the exchange of greetings, Agent Parsons said: M2 tells me there is a cricket field one street over. That provisionally seems a better venue to discuss a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 having a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend.

Boss: Have you thought of improving the quality of your friends, Agent Parsons?

Parsons: This job certainly attracts a lot of undesirables, Sir. Let us all adjourn to the nearby cricket field.

When the Boss joined the group he said to M2: Suburban tour guide was not a talent I was aware you possessed, M2.

M2: Today you get to see it first hand, Sir.

M2 then lead his colleagues and their guest to the nearby cricket field, which was populated only by a few birds.

Boss: Miss Fortescue, I was not aware you had such a creative interest in international relations.

Agent Parsons: Where are my manners? Contessa Fortescue, mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6, please meet the Boss of MI6. It is easier if you address him as Sir.

Contessa: What is going on here?

Boss: Miss Fortescue, It seems you have made my job, all of our jobs, rather complicated.

Please explain to me how a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 could possibly be unaware her boyfriend was a brutal Iron Curtain assassin.

M2: In order to assist you in your deliberations, Miss, I can assure you that there are no circumstances where your assassin boyfriend is going to save you.

Boss: We also have to work out what to do with you. One option is very attractive, but it does not help us identify the extent of the damage you have caused.

Harriet: Start talking, Miss Fortescue. That means not lying.

Boss: You are not returning to your job until this is sorted out. That may mean you spend some time in MI6 custody.

Contessa: He is not my boyfriend.

M2: I routinely get that cozy with women who are not my girlfriend.

Harriet: This is not going well for you, Miss.

Boss: Your Boss is not going to enjoy me telling him I will have to do an investigation of his entire office to determine the extent of the breach and compromise you have caused.

Parsons: Contessa, I can assure you Agent Harriet is not looking for her purse.

Boss: I had hoped you were just a silly, love struck fool. It seems you were in for the full pound, not just a penny. You can expect to be charged with everything we can throw at you and your future will involve a long period in custody.

You can console yourself with the fact, if you were at your apartment earlier this afternoon, you would not be alive now to have this conversation.

Boss: I have seen and heard enough. We can now return to the office. I have some bad news to deliver to the boss of our traitor colleague.

Opening The Gates of Hell

 East German Prospective Water Poisoner

Agent Parsons made another visit to the custody location holding the East German prospective Water Poisoner.

“Time is running out fast for you Mr Iron Curtain Bad Guy.

This is your colleague Agent Itchy. (Agent Parsons showed the East German prospective water poisoner a number of photographs.)

He was present during the negotiations meeting requested by the East Germans to try to get you returned to East Germany. I have already told you, I think they want to kill you, not return you to East Germany.

Your cretinous colleague gave me the impression he wanted to shoot me during that negotiations meeting. Subsequently the airport authorities held Agent Itchy on “visa irregularities” and he missed his plane back to East Germany. It then became necessary to hold him for much longer.

The good news for him is that he was an integral part of a successful raid on a gambling den that funds your East German colleagues. The bad news for him was that he was used as a human shield, so we could gain access to the premises and he wore most of the gunfire from the gambling den bad guys. As you can see, he did not survive that expedition to the gambling den.

His utility to us continued as we then deposited him at the gates of the East German Embassy in London. He enabled me to have a conversation with The Ambassador. Turns out The Ambassador was a sensible man. He understood the importance of returning to Britain, unharmed, the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin.

Those three (3) missing British nationals have now been returned to Britain, unharmed.

The significance of that information for you is that we no longer need you to achieve our goal of the return of the three (3) missing British nationals.

Your utility now will be the prompt provision of the following information:

• All the details about your plans to poison our water supply; and

• The details of your new East German listening post near our UK naval base in Portsmouth.

If you choose not to promptly provide that information to us, then expect your future to be similar to that of you colleague Agent Itchy. Should there be any ambiguity in your understanding of your prospective future, let me help you out. I will use you as a human shield in one of our missions and your prospects of surviving that exercise are zero.

I previously made it very clear to you:

“You are a short-tempered and impatient fool, who allowed himself to get so agitated over a jazz record, you blew your cover and gave us the opportunity to capture you. You are not a clever man.

We want the information from you and if you are not going to cooperate with us, I can assure you, I have other very unpleasant plans for you.”

Try your luck with me, Mr Water Poisoner. Complain to The Ambassador about how I am treating you. Gamble that I am wrong about the people who you think will help you, that they do not want to kill you.

If they kill you, they will save me the time and trouble.

Provide us with the information we want by 4:00 pm tomorrow or you will be another Agent Itchy. I can assure you it will not take me long to organise a raid where you will be the bait and the human shield. There are far too many of you Iron Curtain trouble makers in London and the United Kingdom.

You have had plenty of time to provide us with the information we want. 4:00 pm tomorrow or the gates of hell are going to open for you.”

Agent Parsons then collected the photographs and  left the interview room. She then left the premises and went home.

The Famous Five Team Meeting

Immediately upon arriving at work the following day, Agent Parsons went to the respective offices of all the other Famous Five members and said there was a team meeting in her office, now. No one was doing anything that warranted delaying the team meeting.

Once all five (5) agents were in her office, Agent Parsons informed the team that the previous day she made another visit to the custody location holding the East German prospective Water Poisoner and had a conversation with him. The kind of conversation where she did the talking and he did the listening.

Agent Parsons: I gave the prospective water poisoner until 4:00 pm today to provide us with the information we want, namely:

• All the details about his plans to poison our water supply; and

• The details of the new East German listening post near our UK naval base in Portsmouth.

I made it clear to him, provide us the information we want by 4:00 pm today or the gates of hell are going to open for him.

I also told him about Agent Itchy, to help focus his thoughts.

That is the relevant background for this meeting and my request of Harriet:

• Are there any locations or venues currently in play, like the Soho gambling den that recently enjoyed the pleasure of our company, that would benefit from a similar visit by our water poisoner friend?

I am aware that some venues are considered too dangerous because we are likely to lose agents in the process of undertaking the raid.

We now have a shield. So let us use him and shut down at least one of these problematic venues. I say this to you in the expectation that our East German friend will not provide us with the information we want. So we will waste no further resources on him and put him to use to attempt to solve another problem.

Harriet: There is The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury. Our intelligence says that it has a Reading Room at the back of the store, that also seems to operate as a meeting place for East German sympathisers. Details of the frequency of the meetings are so scant as to be unreliable. You could do a raid and get nothing or you could do a raid and hit the jackpot with a meeting of sympathisers underway.

Our intelligence also says some of the people who meet there are of the crazy kind. Nicky had a trigger happy former friend. Things did not end well for him. He could very well be found at the venue we are discussing.

Agent Parsons: That sounds like the kind of venue where a human shield would be valuable.

Harriet: If you took one there with you, it would not go astray.

Agent Parsons: M1 and M2, are you familiar with Bloomsbury? You have scored the driving duties.

M2: By 4:00 pm we will know how to transport the team to The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.

Agent Parsons: Excellent.

Agent Emily Abernathy: "Let me just clarify where we are at here. If the Water Poisoner provides the information to us by 4:00 pm today, he has no more utility to offer us. If he chooses not to provide the information to us, he is of no utility to us. That certainly sounds like the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury is proceeding at 4:00 pm today."

Agent Harriet: Best I make arrangements for the Water Poisoner to be available to accompany us on the raid.

M2: In addition to M1 and I confirming the route we will be taking to Bloomsbury this afternoon, it looks like we are Officers-In-Charge of Raid Equipment.

Agent Parsons: Apart from the roles you are quite splendidly articulating, I propose we assume the same roles we took for the Soho gambling den raid:

• M1 and Agent Emily will cover the back entrance.

• M2, Agent Harriet, the Water Poisoner and I will take the front entrance.

Is there any reason to divert from that set up?

Emily, Harriet, M1 and M2: No.

M1: Can everyone check their firearm well before we leave.

Agent Parsons: We will meet here again at 3:00 pm to go over the final details before we leave for the raid.

The meeting then ended.

The Raid

The 3:00 pm meeting was short. Everything was in order. No apparent glitches had arisen. The Famous Five then set off for their raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.

Upon collecting the handcuffed Water Poisoner, he was suitably clueless about what was going on.

Agent Parsons told him: “We have an adventure for you, Mr Water Poisoner.”

Otherwise there was no conversation with him during the journey to the raid venue.

The team arrived at The Cultural Exchange Bookstore at roughly 3:50 pm and took a little over 5 minutes to put on their protective jackets and get into position for the raid.

Once again Agent Parsons and M2 walked their handcuffed shield to the front of the premises. When Agent Parsons positioned herself directly behind the Water Poisoner, he asked what was going on?

Agent Parsons: “We have an adventure for you.”

She then shoved him through the front door of the premises.

That breach of the premises occurred without any resistance from the occupants. Likewise the breach of the rear of the premises occurred smoothly, without resistance.

With her firearm drawn and facing the staff member behind the counter in the Bookstore, Agent Parsons said to the staff member: “The Reading Room.”

Without any argument or hesitation, the staff member pointed to a door at the back of the book display area and said: “Through that door.”

Agent Harriet might describe what the team encountered as they burst through the door as hitting the jackpot. A meeting of Iron Curtain sympathisers was underway in the Reading Room.

Unfortunately for the Water Poisoner, a trigger happy Iron Curtain sympathiser in the Reading Room panicked when the breach of the room occurred and he emptied his firearm into the Water Poisoner.

Fortunately for Agent Parsons, the Water Poisoner shielded her from any damage.

The Water Poisoner was the only casualty in the raid and all those meeting in the Reading Room were subdued and ultimately taken into custody by MI6 agents.

Agent Harriet took some delight in calling in the raid to MI6 from the bookstore telephone. Her MI6 colleagues were quick to send a clean up team to assist in wrapping up the raid.

With everything under control at the raid scene, a satisfied Agent Parsons said to the rest of The Famous Five: We can now be on our way.

As The Famous Five left The Cultural Exchange Bookstore, they thanked their MI6 colleagues for their clean up efforts.

Shortly after they commenced their return journey to MI6 headquarters, Agent Parsons said:

• “This is not quite a steak sandwiches moment, but it is definitely worthy of a modest meal. I suggest we find a cafeteria close to headquarters and appreciate a job well done.”

M2: I know a place we can go and parking the work vehicle will not be a problem.

Emily: Lead the way, M2.

Back To Work

Not long after Nicky Parsons arrived at work the day after the raid mission, the Boss telephoned her: “Gather your team in your office, Agent Parsons. I will come and visit you shortly.”

The Famous Five team were gathered in the office of Nicky Parsons within 10 minutes of the telephone call from the Boss.

The Boss made his way there after about 15 minutes and closed the door.

The Boss: Agent Parsons you are Agent Parsons. And for Queen and Country, Agent Parsons. For Queen and Country.

The London water supply system is safe. The three British nationals have been returned, unharmed and two (2) East German Iron Curtain undesirables have been permanently neutralised.

That is quite an achievement.

The East German Ambassador was correct when he said:

• “The things you people do for Queen and country.”

The things you five agents do for Queen and country. This is a dirty job. I am glad you are all on my side.

They are going to keep coming at us and we must never relent.

I am not going to talk about your methods. I am definitely going to celebrate your achievements.

If I give the five of you the rest of today and tomorrow off work, in recognition of your outstanding achievements, do you think you could spend your not working time not working?

Could you all turn off your bad guy radars for a couple of days and unwind from this maelstrom?

M1, 2 days off, no work. Can you do it?"

M1: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: M2?

M2: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: Agent Harriet?

Harriet: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: Agent Emily?

Emily: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: Agent Parsons?

Nicky: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

Thank you for your efforts, agents. Enjoy your time off.

The meeting then ended and the Boss returned to his office.

Agent Itchy The British Asset

Agent Itchy Becomes a British Asset

The MI6 Boss gathered the Stuffy Shirts in his office for another closed door meeting.

The Boss: Ladies, this is a privilege for you. But one you have earned. You absolutely must be on your best behaviour during this telephone call. I cannot tell you that enough.

The secretary to the Boss then buzzed him: “They are ready for you on the call now, Sir.”

Boss: Thank you.

“My East German friend, Your trigger happy Agent Itchy, the one who wanted to shoot my Agent Nicky Parsons, has told us in discussions over his visa irregularities that he is prepared to remain in London and not return to East Germany, until the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin, who have been the subject of considerable diplomatic friction, are safely returned to Britain.

That is quite an offer from your Agent Itchy and something of an act of redemption on his part for wanting to shoot my Agent Parsons."

The Stuffy Shirts looked at each other in shocked silence.

"We get our three (3) missing British nationals back and you get back your trigger happy agent who wanted to shoot my Agent Parsons.

Your Agent Itchy wanted to shoot my Agent Parsons. You expect me to have a sense of humour about it? The Iron Curtain must block the flow of commonsense and reality.

Are you sure you want to leave the hapless Agent Itchy with us? Agent Parsons showed you what happens to Iron Curtain agents who outstay their utility for us.

So, you now need some time to think about our offer.

Provisionally this call will continue at 10:00 am tomorrow.

Feel free to contact me earlier to tell me you accept our offer.

Enjoy your day.”

The Boss then spoke to the Stuffy Shirts, who were more than a little shocked by what they just heard.

“You are rather naughty at times, Agent Parsons. But undeniably you are a pragmatic operator. You are not the only one who can be an uncomfortably pragmatic operator.

It is not my usual practice to burn Iron Curtain Agents like Itchy, but he did want to shoot Agent Parsons. Those three (3) British nationals deserve to come home, and if I have to burn Agent Itchy to bring them home, then for Queen and Country, I will burn him.

Agent Parsons, It seems this would not have been possible with you being Agent Parsons.

You ladies do not need to say anything at the moment. It looks like we will be back here again at 10:00 am tomorrow.

This might also be a good time for you three ladies to go for one of your walks in the park or maybe have tea and muffins in a cafeteria quite away from the MI6 building to digest these events.

Agent Parsons: Tea and muffins is a good idea, Sir.

Agent Emily: I know a place where we can go.

Boss: Take your time, ladies. And feel free to telephone my secretary if your digestion of events becomes protracted, so you can keep abreast of any possible developments.

Digestion Cafeteria

The route to the Emily cafeteria took the Stuffy Shirts through a park, so a conversation opportunity presented itself.

Harriet: That was unexpected.

Emily: Every part of that was unexpected. He may be the boss of MI6 and have seen a lot of movies, but I never expected to see him in that movie.

The agents arrived at the Emily cafeteria and paused their conversation while they took their seats in a booth at the back of the cafeteria and placed their orders.

Parsons: Considerate of Agent Itchy to remain in London and not return to East Germany, until the three (3) missing British nationals are safely returned to Britain.

Harriet: It was quite the stroke of luck Agent Itchy had visa irregularities that enabled you to have discussions with him, Agent Parsons.

Emily: Visa irregularities that apparently arose after he manifested his desire to shoot you, Agent Parsons.

Parsons: Surely you are overlooking the enormous humanitarian act on his part to facilitate the return of the three (3) British nationals.

Emily: Is Itchy likely to assist in further missions, if the British nationals are not returned?

Parsons: I am sure he would want to see no repeat of someone wanting to shoot me, so he may very well assist as a shield on a mission in the future.

Harriet: That is a humanitarian act on his part I can endorse.

Parsons: A way of showing his gratitude for British hospitality.

Emily: Apparently the East Germans did not properly screen their negotiation team before sending them to Britain. It was terribly careless of them to send someone with visa irregularities.

Harriet temporarily left the booth and the Stuffy Shirts and approached the cafeteria staff.

“Might I please use your telephone? I have to make a call and it is one I would rather everyone were not able to hear”

Cafeteria Staff Member: "Certainly. We have a telephone that can stretch to your booth. There is hardly anyone in the cafeteria, so the unwanted ears should be a lot less of a problem.

You return to your booth and I will bring the telephone over to you."

Harriet: Thank you. I am very grateful to you.

Not three (3) minutes later Harriet was telephoning the Boss from the cafeteria.

Harriet: Miss Secretary, Might I please speak with the Boss about the proceedings this morning?

Secretary: Wait on. I will see if he is available. He said He is happy to speak with you. I will put you through to him.

Harriet: “Sir, Thank you for speaking with me. So that I may assist you with any possible intelligence I might have or come across that could be useful in relation to this matter, I would like to clarify the parameters within which we are working.

The East Germans sent an agent to London who was going to poison our water system, but his own negligence and stupidity lead to his capture by us before he got anywhere near completing his mission.

As part of their negotiations team to try to return Agent Water Poisoner to East Germany, the East Germans included an agent who wanted to shoot our Agent Parsons during those negotiations. And we now have the trigger happy Agent Itchy in custody as well, due to his visa irregularities.

Against that background, the East Germans are baulking at returning to Britain three (3) British nationals who are currently residing in East Germany.”

Boss: An accurate and succinctly articulated assessment there, Agent Harriet.

Harriet: Thank you, Sir. I will turn my mind to any intelligence I might have seen that is relevant here.

Boss: Thank you, Agent Harriet. Enjoy your digestion time. There is no need for you Stuffy Shirts to hurry back.

 

As soon as the telephone call ended, Harriet returned the telephone to the cafeteria staff.

Harriet: Thank you, again.

Cafeteria Staff: It is no trouble. Would you like more tea?

Harriet: Yes, please. Another pot of tea would be lovely.

I will take care of that tea while I am here.

When the cafeteria staff saw the tip from Harriet she said: “That is very generous of you, Miss. Thank you. I will bring your pot of tea over to you shortly.”

Harriet then returned to the booth and the Stuffy Shirts.

Emily: That had almost nothing to do with the intelligence on your desk. But it certainly confirmed to the boss you supported what he was doing. Well done.

Harriet: The Boss said “Enjoy your digestion time. There is no need for you Stuffy Shirts to hurry back.”

Nicky: I will get us some lunch menus.

When Nicky returned with the lunch menus she asked Harriet: “Is that gambling den in Soho still funding the East Germans?”

Harriet: Yes.

Emily: No way.

Parsons: Lunch or Soho?

Emily: Soho.

Harriet: Soho. I will make sure Agent Itchy is available to accompany us to Soho. 

Parsons: I will call M1 and M2 and inform them The Famous Five is going to Soho.

Emily: I will take care of the tea etc with the cafeteria staff.

The cafeteria allowed Harriet to again use the telephone. This time the call was made from the front counter. The call was short; “Have my friend you are holding available for us to collect within half an hour. This is not a time to argue with me.”

Harriet thanked the cafeteria staff again. 

When Nicky Parsons returned she said M1 and M2 would collect them from outside the cafeteria in 10 minutes.

Harriet said she was assured Agent Itchy would be available for them to collect with half an hour.

Emily: I have taken care of the bill.

Parsons: Then we should wait outside for M1 and M2.

The Stuffy Shirts each thanked the cafeteria staff for their hospitality.

Soho Raid

M1 and M2 arrived promptly and The Famous Five then proceeded to collect Agent Itchy.

Six (6) adults in the MI6 vehicle was a cosy fit, but not one that worried the MI6 agents.

Agent Parsons then spoke to Agent Itchy: It seems you like to gamble Itchy, so we are taking you to Soho. You may even know some of the people there.”

Handcuffed Itchy had no idea what was going on.

None of The Famous Five thought he needed to know any more than he had been told.

When they arrived at the Soho gambling den, Itchy watched The Famous Five put on protection jackets. Itchy did not like what he was seeing.

Nicky Parsons grabbed Itchy by the arm and said “You are coming with me, Itchy”.

Instructions from Agent Parsons were brief: M1 and Agent Emily will cover the back entrance. M2, Agent Harriet, Itchy and I will take the front entrance. Let’s go.

Agent Parsons had one arm of Itchy and M2 had the other. They were pulling him to the front door of the gambling den.

When they arrived at the front door, Nicky put Itchy directly in front of her. She banged on the front door and yelled “ I have got your guy and I am bringing him to you”.

They then broke through the front door, using Agent Itchy a a shield.

The mission proceeded as Agent Parsons anticipated. The gambling den occupants greeted them with gunfire, most of which was caught by Agent Itchy.

Agents Emily and M1 breached the back entrance and the MI6 team quickly had the gambling den crew subdued and handcuffed. Emily was on telephone duties and called the situation in to MI6. A clean up crew was there within 15 minutes.

Agent Parsons explained that there was no need to take the now deceased Agent Itchy with the clean up crew, she had her own plans for him.

In and out within 45 minutes. Clean and efficient work from The Famous Five and MI6.

East German Embassy

Agent Parsons then declared: “We are now off to the East German Embassy. M1 and M2 can sort out who is driving.”

The agents then bundled the deceased Agent Itchy into the back of the MI6 motor vehicle and they proceeded to the East German Embassy.

When they arrived, they parked right at the front gates. Agent Itchy was removed from the MI6 vehicle and placed on the ground in front of the gates.

Nicky Parsons spoke to the Embassy staff that greeted them: 

“Send the Guy out here immediately and do not make me wait.”

The shocked Embassy staff immediately went inside the Embassy and returned with The Ambassador.

Agent Parsons: “This is your guy, Agent Itchy. He wanted to shoot me, during a negotiation, no less. He has just helped us on a successful mission. We want the three (3) British nationals you have in East Germany returned to us. This is no longer a negotiation.

We will wait here while you go inside and make the telephone call that guarantees the return of the three (3) British nationals. Then you can have what is left of Agent Itchy and do with him what you like. Have I made myself clear?”

An initially speechless Ambassador said: I will be back shortly.

Parsons: Do not make me wait.

10 minutes later the Ambassador returned.

Parsons: You took your time.

Ambassador: Settle down. I know about the telephone call this morning. Your offer will be accepted. The three (3) British nationals will be returned to Britain, unharmed.

Parsons: You better not be lying to me.

Ambassador: Things did not go so well for Agent Itchy. This mess needs to end.

Parsons: I will take you at your word. I will leave you to deal with Agent Itchy.

Ambassador: “Your boss told me to tell you, there is no need to call him about this escapade. He knows about it and is not surprised by it.

The things you people do for Queen and country.”