The Fallout

MI6 Boss Meets with Sir Julian Finch

MI6 Boss: This is the Chief of The Secret Intelligence Service. I would like to speak with Sir Julian Finch, Permanent Under-Secretary at the Foreign Office. We are known to each other and he definitely wants to speak with me.

MI6 Boss: Sir Julian, We have not seen each other for ages. Are you aware there is a park near my office? Touching grass is wonderfully invigorating. And that park allows you to have a conversation without the complication of unnecessary ears.

Sir Julian: A park?

MI6 Boss: A park. Wonderfully free of prying eyes and unwanted ears.

Sir Julian: We could have a conversation in my office.

MI6 Boss: Of course, we could have a conversation in your office and everyone in your office would know I was there speaking with you. No doubt there would be entries in the Log of Visitors. A walk in the park has none of those complications.

Sir Julian: So you are not suggesting I attend your office, to catch up with you, but rather we meet in the park near you?

MI6 Boss: Meeting in the office is resplendent with complications. Walking in the park frees us from prying eyes and unwanted ears. And the park visuals are much more invigorating than our offices.

Sir Julian: A park is very unconventional.

MI6: You are correct, Sir Julian and I realise I have misread the situation. I will shortly attend upon your office, with entries in the Log of Visitors, with prying eyes and unwanted ears and we can have the candid and sensitive conversation that is necessary between us. I had intended to walk to the park, but I will drive to your office, or more correctly be driven. That will be more records of our meeting. I apologise for overlooking the need to follow protocol.

Sir Julian: A candid and sensitive conversation, you say?

MI6 Boss: Yes.

Sir Julian: It seems you are refreshing my memory. It is rather a large park. And quite attractive. Certainly in comparison to our drab offices.

MI6 Boss: A large and beautiful park, which is usually sparsely populated during work hours.

Sir Julian: That sounds like the kind of venue where your conversation is unlikely to be interrupted.

MI6 Boss: A highly recommendable quality in a park.

Sir Julian: So you are suggesting we go for a walk in the park near your office?

MI6 Boss: I know it is walking distance from your office. Meet me just inside the entrance that faces the street outside my building in 20 minutes. You have not got anything better to do.

Sir Julian: I will see you in 20 minutes.

The telephone call then ended and the MI6 Boss made his way to the park shortly thereafter.

When the MI6 Boss saw Sir Julian had attended the park, he was a little surprised, but grateful. The telephone call seemed to be making slow progress.

MI6 Boss to Sir Julian: “Getting you here was like pulling teeth. I do not intend to waste time. You have a very serious problem. One of your officers, Contessa Fortescue, a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6, has, or more accurately now, had a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend. The partial good news for you is one of my agents killed him a few days ago. And killed one of his colleagues also. They were both in the apartment the assassin seemed to be sharing with your officer.

We have got your Contessa in custody and we have got a book we intend to throw at her. When we confronted your Contessa shortly after my agent rid the world of those two assassins, she refused to cooperate with us.

As I see it, the question for you is to what extent has this female traitor compromised your department and the government? There may well be other areas that enjoy the splendour of her betrayal and compromise.

It seems I will have to do an investigation into your department.

The killing of the Iron Curtain assassins aside, there is no part of this I am enjoying.

That, all of that, is why we are walking in the park."

Sir Julian: That is quite a lot of bad news.

MI6 Boss: Do you have any thoughts on how you propose to handle that bad news and in particular, the potential compromise of your department and the government by the traitor?

Sir Julian: "A brutal Iron Curtain assassin ... in the heart of Whitehall. This is an unmitigated disaster, 'C'. One we must contain at all costs. My proposal for handling this ... particular stain ... is to establish a Joint, Covert Task Force. It would comprise a small, trusted team from my department, working directly and solely with a liaison from your Service. Their mandate would be to exhaustively audit Contessa's entire operational footprint – her access, her communications, her movements, and crucially, any individuals she may have influenced or compromised. We must demonstrate a swift and decisive response, but one that is completely under wraps. The last thing we need is this becoming fodder for public consumption or, heaven forbid, a diplomatic incident with our allies."

MI6 Boss: “I am convinced you have not fully switched on to this. I am meeting you in a park, not either of our offices, to deliver this bad news to you and you are telling me your concern is becoming fodder for public consumption or a diplomatic incident with our allies.

Your department has been compromised by a traitor. I have no sense of humour about this and very little patience. I should never have had to have this conversation with you. The inquiry is yours, but I will monitor it, and if I do not like it, there will be serious trouble for you.

“I deal with people who want to kill us. There are a lot of them. I do not have time to investigate public servants who allow their departments to be compromised by traitors and who align themselves with people who want to kill us.

“To help you with your deliberations and to assist you in focussing your attention, it will be useful for you to remember, we kill people. The boyfriend of the traitor is now dead and so is his colleague. Switch on to how serious this breach is. My loyalty and the loyalty of my team is to Queen and Country and we serve with pleasure.

“You will do this inquiry and you will do it properly. There is no other option for you.

"I will now return to my office. I suggest you take some time to walk in this park and appreciate its beauty, before you return to your office. And also take some time to appreciate the magnitude of the task ahead of you and how failure is not an option.”

Confronting The Traitor

M2 was not finished with the traitor, Contessa Fortescue. He attended upon her in custody. And he brought some photographs with him to endeavour to enrich her custodial experience.

Introductory pleasantries were minimal from M2. He got straight down to business.

“I watched and waited for three (3) days for my chance with your boyfriend. When he gave it to me, I took it, immediately. And I took his mate with him. You were lucky you were not with them.”

M2 then told Contessa:

“This is how we deal with traitors.”

Channelling Agent Nicky Parsons, M2 showed Contessa photographs of the two (2) now deceased Iron Curtain agents whom Nicky Parsons used as a  human shield (from the Soho gambling den raid and the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.).

“You had your chance to cooperate and you rejected it.

"With human shields as part of our arsenal now, we get to be even more effective in our raids.

"I will enjoy every moment of you being a human shield.”

M2 spent several minutes patiently going through the photographs of the now deceased human shields.

“I am grateful to our crime scenes teams for having the insight to photograph these degenerates after their demise. It enables their utility to continue after their life has been extinguished.

That look of terror on your face is you realising, it is not a matter of if for you, it is a matter of when.”

M2 then collected the photographs and said: “This visit is done.”

M2 then ended his meeting with Contessa Fortescue and made his way to work.

Team Meeting

The day after M2 had his not so romantic interlude with Contessa, Nicky Parsons called a team meeting of The Famous Five. The main topic of discussion was the traitor Contessa Fortescue and what should happen with her.

Nicky proposed a campaign of deliberate psychological torment involving Nicky or Harriet (or both) systematically arranging interviews with Contessa on three (3) separate occasions, only to cancel them on the day of the proposed meeting. The aim being to escalate the anxiety and despair of Contessa.

M1: That sounds like a great plan.

M2: I like it.

Emily: It definitely has a delicious quality to it.

Harriet: What is not to like?

Nicky: That went down even better than I had hoped.

M2: "Does the traitor become one of your human shields?

I would be quite happy to utilise her as a human shield."

Nicky: This is an interesting meeting. The human shield was my next proposed topic of discussion.

M1: The traitor has no utility for MI6, other than as a human shield. She is no different than the Iron Curtain agents you burned in the Soho gambling den raid and the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.

Emily: It looks like we might be looking for a venue to raid.

Harriet: I have a few prospective venues, but there is some material through which I must trawl. Perhaps we could share that load?

Nicky: Ideally it would be a quick, uncomplicated raid.

M1: A repeat of the Bookshop raid?

Nicky: That was the kind of raid I had in mind.

Harriet: My prospective venues generally seem to fit that mould.

Nicky: Things are a bit quiet here at the moment, for which I am grateful. It seems we are available to help you with your trawling.

Do you have a favourite prospective venue?

Harriet: “The most likely venue is a Small Corner Shop with a Back Room in BeBop Circus. It is used as a drop point and a place to store and then pass on sensitive materials. 

The intelligence I have is that sensitive materials are present waiting for an exchange. The hidden back room is where hosting the materials and the exchanges occur.

The sensitive material the subject of the exchange is said to be False Passports and Travel Documents for some undesirable Iron Curtain agents, with the aim of creating false identities for ongoing operations within the UK.

In the circumstances our trawling would be to see if there was a better option and perhaps think of any reason not to use that venue as the raid venue.”

Nicky: “If you can share your trawling load around the team, we can help you.”

The Boss Joins The Team Meeting

It was then that the Boss entered the office of Nicky Parsons.

The Boss: “This is convenient. I can tell you all the news. Sir Julian Finch is the Permanent Under-Secretary at the Foreign Office. Relevantly, he is the boss of your traitorous acquaintance, Contessa Fortescue. He and I have had a chat. Sir Julian will conduct a review of his department, which I will monitor. So you can be comforted that some progress is being made in that area and we can concentrate on our own work.

“Where are my manners? Good morning, agents. 

Now that I have caught you up with the relevant news, I will leave you to continue with your work.

Thank you, agents.”

The boss then left the office of Nicky Parsons and returned to his own office.

Emily: Now I know the Boss does whirlwind visits.

M1: If Sir Julian Finch is conducting a review of his department, the traitor Contessa Fortescue has no utility to offer MI6, other than to be a human shield.

Harriet: That is certainly an interesting take from the news of the Boss. It is also a take with which I agree.

Emily: It seems the raid planning will be intensifying.

M2: There is no reason to spare the traitor from being a human shield.

Nicky: OK, then. It looks like we will be meeting back here tomorrow to refine the raid planning. I will let you know when I settle on a time. In the meantime, Harriet will give us some of her intelligence material, so we can help her with her trawling.

Follow-Up Team Meeting

The discussions in the follow-up team meeting were fairly brief.

• It was agreed Harriet had made the best choice for the raid venue, the BeBop Circus Corner Shop with a Hidden Back Room.

• There was no reason to change the pairings from the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury:

• M1 and Agent Emily will cover the back entrance.

• M2, Agent Harriet, Nicky Parsons and the traitor, Contessa Fortescue, will take the front entrance.

• Harriet would again ensure the proposed human shield (Contessa) was available to accompany them on the raid.

• M1 had driving duties and M2 had equipment duties.

The discussion then moved on to whether it would be prudent to have more than just The Famous Five attend the raid from MI6. It was agreed two other teams would attend the raid, because there may be a significant gathering in the hidden room and the extra agents would be required to subdue and secure the transgressors.

Nicky Parsons would take care of organising the extra MI6 agents to attend the raid.

It was proposed they leave from MI6 at 11:00 am, as the meeting they proposed to interrupt was scheduled for noon.

The Raid

Everything went smoothly preparation-wise on the morning of the raid. There seemed to be an air of glee in the Famous Five MI6 vehicle as they approached the pick-up location for their now handcuffed traitor colleague.

When Nicky Parsons appeared to collect her from her MI6 agents was the first time Cintessa learned about her impending adventure.

Upon greeting Contessa and the MI6 colleagues, all that Nicky Parsons said was: “You are coming with me.”

Agent Parsons walked Contessa to the MI6 vehicle and placed her in the back seat. Once Nicky Parsons resumed her seat in the vehicle, she said to Contessa: “You are going on an adventure.”

There was no other conversation until the agents arrived at the raid venue.

As the Famous Five alighted from the vehicle and put on their protective equipment for the raid, M2 had his only conversation with Contessa. And it was very brief: “Judgment day has arrived.”

A rather concerned Contessa asked: What is going on?

Nicky Parsons replied: “This is your adventure.”

The terror was building in Contessa.

As Nicky Parsons grabbed Contessa and placed her directly in front of her, Contessa was saying “No” over and over.

Parsons: Too late, Traitor.”

Parsons grabbed Contessa tight and shoved her through the front door of the Corner Shop.

The raiding agents were greeted by panicked occupants of the Corner Shop, who unleashed a burst of gunfire. Almost all of that gunfire was caught by the human shield, Contessa, as the team had planned and M2 had foreshadowed.

Contessa spent the remainder of the raid on the floor. Her life was now over.

Once the gunfire receded, the panicked corner shop occupants were subdued and handcuffed.

A corner shop staff member was then volunteered by MI6 to provide access to the hidden back room. He did not need to be convinced to cooperate.

By the time the hidden back room was to be breached, all the MI6 agents were in the corner store. All the undesirables in the hidden back room were surprised by the breach, but they did not respond with gunfire. Their response was more akin to freezing, which made their apprehension easier.

Securing the sensitive materials the subject of the meeting and the raid was then a simple task.

Harriet had contacted MI6 for a clean up team by the time the agents returned to the body of the corner shop. And they arrived within 15 minutes.

The raid went smoothly and the Famous Five achieved all their goals.

There was no discussion of Contessa Fortescue in the vehicle on the return journey to MI6 headquarters.

As they were getting close to MI6 headquarters, Emily said: “We should adjourn for lunch before we return to the office.”

M1: Lunch:

M2: Lunch

Harriet: Definitely lunch.

Nicky: Lunch, it is.

M2 Goes Buck Wild

 It was an unusual Intelligence Briefing from Agent Harriet, but it was no less significant than her other style and type of briefing.

Agent Harriet: “There are very scant reports of a serious Iron Curtain assassin relocating to London. If they are true, MI6 is very interested in taking him out.”

The MI6 agents in attendance at the briefing were given a Briefing Folder. That part of the briefing was normal practice.

M2 was in attendance at the briefing and took a Briefing Folder to read. When he returned to his office, he read the folder contents and looked at the photographs. Something about this struck him, but he could not identify what it was. He read the folder contents several times over the ensuing days. There was something about the photographs, also.

M2 said nothing to anyone about this. He kept his thoughts to himself.

One night not too long after the Intelligence Briefing M2 found himself catching a later train than usual home. It was an unremarkable journey until the train approached Modalvale Train Station. He saw a female from another agency, whom he had met once or twice previously, but whose identifying details escaped him, getting rather cosy with a male.

They both walked across the road from the train station to an apartment above the small fruit shop. As fate would have it, technical difficulties meant the M2 train was delayed at the station longer than usual. M2 maintained his interest in the female he thought was familiar to him and her male companion. Shortly before the train left the station to continue its journey, the female and her male companion appeared visible in the apartment. The male turned to face the train station and M2 got a glimpse of him. Immediately, M2 got flashes of the photographs from the Agent Harriet Intelligence Briefing. He was the guy the subject of the Intelligence Briefing, M2 thought.

Home was not far away for M2. When he arrived home, he put down some things he did not want to take with him and returned to the train station. He caught the next train to Modalvale station. M2 then looked around the precincts of Modalvale train station. He noticed across the road from the fruit shop (the other side of the train tracks) was what appeared to be a vacant building. There was an elevated vacancy at the level or just above of the apartment where his female colleague and her friend seemed to be staying. It was a little off centre from that apartment, but it still had good vision. It was an otherwise small and quiet train station.

M2 got a bit of a sense of the immediate area, then went home.

When he attended work the next day, M2 maintained his silence about what he thought he saw. He read the Intelligence Briefing Folder contents again and spent some time looking at the photographs.

His interest in the apparently vacant property adjacent to the Modalvale train station continued. When his train home that evening stopped at the Modalvale train station, M2 focussed his attention on the apparently vacant property. It continued to appear vacant.

As his train to work the next morning was pulling away from Modalvale train station, he was sure he saw his colleague with her cosy companion enter the station platform. Unfortunately all these moments were fleeting glimpses and not something solid upon which he could be certain of what he believed he saw.

Firearm Training

When M2 arrived at work, he made some enquiries about his firearm training. As he suspected, it had been a while since he had been to the MI6 shooting range for firearms training. M2 had a conversation with Agent Harriet about attending the range and undergoing firearms training. He said his desk was light on missions work and this was a useful and necessary way to spend his time. Agent Harriet agreed and arrangements were made for M2 to immediately attend the MI6 shooting range.

Upon arriving at the range, M2 did some handgun training, but he told those in charge at the range that it was sniper training that he thought should be the focus of his attention. No one else was using the sniper facilities, so M2 was easy to accommodate.

M2 was focussed and his session was long. Twice in three days M2 had long sessions at the MI6 shooting range working on his sniper skills. He knew how important it was that he not miss.

During his commute home on that second day of sniper training, M2 was sure he saw the cosy couple again at Modalvale train station and even though his vision of them was fleeting, his plan was solidified.

At work the next day M2 called in to the firearms area of MI6. He was reasonably friendly with one of the staff there and he asked if he might take a sniper suitcase with him, so he could work on his sniper training. His colleague said it was a quiet period, so that should not be a problem.

The Stakeout

With the sniper suitcase now in his possession, M2 made his way to the Modalvale train station precincts and gained access to the vacant premises he had been checking out. The elevation was good and so was the vision, except for when a train was at the station.

M2 had clearly done some preparation for his stakeout. He brought food supplies with him and a sleeping bag. Importantly he set up the sniper rifle and focussed it on the apartment above the small fruit shop across the road. He even brought a radio with him, to keep him company.

That evening the cozy couple made their way to the apartment after work for the day had ended. M2 had good vision of the male, through the sniper rifle sight. But a train interrupted his vision and when the train departed, his male target was no longer in sight.

Even though his sighting was fleeting, M2 was certain he was watching the Iron Curtain assassin the subject of the Agent Harriet Intelligence Briefing.

There were no more sightings that day. The next day M2 saw a different male attend the apartment from the train station. He also jogged the Harriet Intelligence Briefing memory of M2, albeit from an earlier occasion. There was some bad Iron Curtain fruit gathering above the Modalvale fruit shop. 

For three days M2 staked out the apartment above the fruit shop.

The first day of the apparent absence from MI6 was explained by his colleagues as due to firearms training. The second day he was assumed to be away ill. By the third day, his absence was the subject of some discussion. No one knew where he was or where to look for him. He was not answering his telephone at home.

By lunch time on day three of the M2 stakeout, activity at the apartment had escalated. M2 could clearly see he was correct about the male getting cozy with his female colleague. He was the Iron Curtain assassin the subject of the Agent Harriet Intelligence Briefing. M2 just needed a clean shot at him now.

Things got even more interesting when M2 realised that assassin was also hosting another Iron Curtain assassin.

M2 was focussed and waiting for a clean shot opportunity to arise. Luck was with M2. Both Iron Curtain assassins turned to walk towards the open window. M2 had a clean shot opportunity at each of the men.

His primary target was the assassin the subject of the Harriet Intelligence Briefing. M2 did not wait.

With his target clearly in his sniper rifle sight, M2 said: “For Queen and Country” and put two (2) rounds in his forehead.

Before Target 1 hit the floor, Target 2, the other Iron Curtain assassin, had two (2) rounds put in his forehead by M2 and quickly joined Target 1 on the floor.

M2 then went about packing up his sniper rifle kit and then packing up his stakeout site. That was more important than calling in the situation.

Once M2 was packed up, he made his way to the public telephone at the Modalvale train station and telephoned Agent Harriet.

M2: Agent Harriet, Can you organise a clean up team to be sent to the apartment above the fruit shop across the road from Modalvale train station, please.

By the way, the Iron Curtain assassin the subject of your recent Intelligence Briefing will no longer be a problem. A colleague of his will also no longer be troubling us.

I am not sure how long that takes to organise, but there seems to be a female from another one of our agencies who is (or was) apparently involved with your now late Iron Curtain friend and she definitely seems to be worthy of a candid discussion.

I am at the Modalvale train station. I will wait until you guys arrive.

Agent Harriet: I will take care of it for you.

The call then ended.

The Famous Five Go To Modalvale Train Station

Agent Harriet then telephoned Nicky Parsons: Come and see me, now. Do not delay.

Agent Harriet then made arrangements for a clean up team to attend, as M2 requested.

5 minutes later Nicky Parsons was in the office of Harriet.

Harriet closed the door.

Harriet: M2 has been located. It seems he was working. He just asked for a clean up team to attend near Modalvale train station. Apparently the situation is not completed. There is a female part of the puzzle who is unlikely to know of the news and has yet to be located. It is probably a good idea to get Emily and M1 and go to the Modalvale train station. I am confident I do not need to do any more organising here, so I can accompany you, if you consider it appropriate.

Parsons: I will get Emily and M1 and we can all catch a train to Modalvale. We will be back to collect you shortly.

Before Harriet, Nicky, Emily and M1 left for the train station, Harriet said: “It is sufficient for present purposes to say, there is a situation in the vicinity of Modalvale train station. When we arrive there, M2 can expand upon the details.”

As Harriet foreshadowed, when The Famous Five gathered at Modalvale train station, a relaxed and calm M2 found a spot away from unnecessary ears and explained what had transpired. More correctly, he told them enough of what transpired for them to be informed. He may not have told them everything.

The MI6 clean up team had been and gone from the apartment where the situation occurred. The Famous Five were now potentially waiting for the female involved to arrive either at the station or the apartment. With the explanation of M2 now complete, the agents positioned themselves so they could monitor both the train (and passengers) arrival and departure and the apartment.

After about an hour, M2 told his colleagues the female in question had just alighted from a train and he identified her.

Nicky Parsons: I think I know her. I will go and introduce myself to her.

Emily: The rest of us will wait here for you.

Liaising with The Liaison Officer

Agent Parsons approached the subject female as she was making her way to the exit of the train station:

“Contessa Fortescue, I have not seen you for ages.”

Contessa: Agent Parsons from MI6?

Parsons: Correct

Contessa: What brings you to this part of town?

Parsons: You. We are going to walk over to my colleagues and then we are going to have a chat. This is not a time for you to argue or be heroic.

Contessa: What is this about?

Parsons: We can chat when we get to my colleagues.

Contessa complied with the request of agent Parsons and they walked over to the rest of The Famous Five.

When they arrived, agent Parsons asked Contessa: Can you clarify something for me. You are employed as a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6?

Contessa: Yes.

Parsons: Please wait here with my colleagues. I have to make a telephone call.

Agent Parsons then proceeded to the public telephone and called the secretary to the Boss.

“Hello, Miss Secretary.”

Secretary: Hello, Agent Parsons

Parsons: I need to speak to the Boss about a sensitive issue. The kind where we do not want unnecessary ears.

Secretary: Wait on. I will let him know.

He is waiting to speak with you. I will put you through.

Parsons: Hello, Sir. There is a sensitive situation at Modalvale train station. I am sure we could find a park nearby to discuss it.

Boss: A park, Agent Parsons?

Parsons: One with very few ears. Near Modalvale train station, which is where I am now.

Boss: A park, Agent Parsons?

Parsons: Definitely a park, Sir, and only your lovely secretary needs to know you are coming here. If you take the train, Sir, you will not have to trouble yourself with the complications of a driver and a motor vehicle. It is a short train ride.

Boss: I will be at the Modalvale train station as soon as I can.

Parsons: Thank you, Sir.

The call ended and Agent Parsons returned to her colleagues and Contessa Fortescue.

Parsons: Interesting choice of yours for a boyfriend, Contessa. An Iron Curtain assassin and a brutal one, at that.

Emily: A mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 with a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend. That is not complicated at all.

M2: Perhaps more than one.

Emily: Oh, this keeps getting better.

Harriet: I really want to see the paperwork where the government has approved a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 having a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend.

M1: More than one brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend. Clearly you like to live dangerously.

Meanwhile Agent Parsons was talking to M2.: Is there a park nearby this train station?

M2: Yes. There is a cricket field one street over.

Parsons: Wonderfully helpful of Modalvale.

The Boss Joins The Liaison with The Liaison Officer

The Boss arrived shortly thereafter.

Agent Parsons walked over to greet him.

After the exchange of greetings, Agent Parsons said: M2 tells me there is a cricket field one street over. That provisionally seems a better venue to discuss a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 having a brutal Iron Curtain assassin for a boyfriend.

Boss: Have you thought of improving the quality of your friends, Agent Parsons?

Parsons: This job certainly attracts a lot of undesirables, Sir. Let us all adjourn to the nearby cricket field.

When the Boss joined the group he said to M2: Suburban tour guide was not a talent I was aware you possessed, M2.

M2: Today you get to see it first hand, Sir.

M2 then lead his colleagues and their guest to the nearby cricket field, which was populated only by a few birds.

Boss: Miss Fortescue, I was not aware you had such a creative interest in international relations.

Agent Parsons: Where are my manners? Contessa Fortescue, mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6, please meet the Boss of MI6. It is easier if you address him as Sir.

Contessa: What is going on here?

Boss: Miss Fortescue, It seems you have made my job, all of our jobs, rather complicated.

Please explain to me how a mid-level liaison officer between the government and MI6 could possibly be unaware her boyfriend was a brutal Iron Curtain assassin.

M2: In order to assist you in your deliberations, Miss, I can assure you that there are no circumstances where your assassin boyfriend is going to save you.

Boss: We also have to work out what to do with you. One option is very attractive, but it does not help us identify the extent of the damage you have caused.

Harriet: Start talking, Miss Fortescue. That means not lying.

Boss: You are not returning to your job until this is sorted out. That may mean you spend some time in MI6 custody.

Contessa: He is not my boyfriend.

M2: I routinely get that cozy with women who are not my girlfriend.

Harriet: This is not going well for you, Miss.

Boss: Your Boss is not going to enjoy me telling him I will have to do an investigation of his entire office to determine the extent of the breach and compromise you have caused.

Parsons: Contessa, I can assure you Agent Harriet is not looking for her purse.

Boss: I had hoped you were just a silly, love struck fool. It seems you were in for the full pound, not just a penny. You can expect to be charged with everything we can throw at you and your future will involve a long period in custody.

You can console yourself with the fact, if you were at your apartment earlier this afternoon, you would not be alive now to have this conversation.

Boss: I have seen and heard enough. We can now return to the office. I have some bad news to deliver to the boss of our traitor colleague.

Agent Itchy The British Asset

Agent Itchy Becomes a British Asset

The MI6 Boss gathered the Stuffy Shirts in his office for another closed door meeting.

The Boss: Ladies, this is a privilege for you. But one you have earned. You absolutely must be on your best behaviour during this telephone call. I cannot tell you that enough.

The secretary to the Boss then buzzed him: “They are ready for you on the call now, Sir.”

Boss: Thank you.

“My East German friend, Your trigger happy Agent Itchy, the one who wanted to shoot my Agent Nicky Parsons, has told us in discussions over his visa irregularities that he is prepared to remain in London and not return to East Germany, until the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin, who have been the subject of considerable diplomatic friction, are safely returned to Britain.

That is quite an offer from your Agent Itchy and something of an act of redemption on his part for wanting to shoot my Agent Parsons."

The Stuffy Shirts looked at each other in shocked silence.

"We get our three (3) missing British nationals back and you get back your trigger happy agent who wanted to shoot my Agent Parsons.

Your Agent Itchy wanted to shoot my Agent Parsons. You expect me to have a sense of humour about it? The Iron Curtain must block the flow of commonsense and reality.

Are you sure you want to leave the hapless Agent Itchy with us? Agent Parsons showed you what happens to Iron Curtain agents who outstay their utility for us.

So, you now need some time to think about our offer.

Provisionally this call will continue at 10:00 am tomorrow.

Feel free to contact me earlier to tell me you accept our offer.

Enjoy your day.”

The Boss then spoke to the Stuffy Shirts, who were more than a little shocked by what they just heard.

“You are rather naughty at times, Agent Parsons. But undeniably you are a pragmatic operator. You are not the only one who can be an uncomfortably pragmatic operator.

It is not my usual practice to burn Iron Curtain Agents like Itchy, but he did want to shoot Agent Parsons. Those three (3) British nationals deserve to come home, and if I have to burn Agent Itchy to bring them home, then for Queen and Country, I will burn him.

Agent Parsons, It seems this would not have been possible with you being Agent Parsons.

You ladies do not need to say anything at the moment. It looks like we will be back here again at 10:00 am tomorrow.

This might also be a good time for you three ladies to go for one of your walks in the park or maybe have tea and muffins in a cafeteria quite away from the MI6 building to digest these events.

Agent Parsons: Tea and muffins is a good idea, Sir.

Agent Emily: I know a place where we can go.

Boss: Take your time, ladies. And feel free to telephone my secretary if your digestion of events becomes protracted, so you can keep abreast of any possible developments.

Digestion Cafeteria

The route to the Emily cafeteria took the Stuffy Shirts through a park, so a conversation opportunity presented itself.

Harriet: That was unexpected.

Emily: Every part of that was unexpected. He may be the boss of MI6 and have seen a lot of movies, but I never expected to see him in that movie.

The agents arrived at the Emily cafeteria and paused their conversation while they took their seats in a booth at the back of the cafeteria and placed their orders.

Parsons: Considerate of Agent Itchy to remain in London and not return to East Germany, until the three (3) missing British nationals are safely returned to Britain.

Harriet: It was quite the stroke of luck Agent Itchy had visa irregularities that enabled you to have discussions with him, Agent Parsons.

Emily: Visa irregularities that apparently arose after he manifested his desire to shoot you, Agent Parsons.

Parsons: Surely you are overlooking the enormous humanitarian act on his part to facilitate the return of the three (3) British nationals.

Emily: Is Itchy likely to assist in further missions, if the British nationals are not returned?

Parsons: I am sure he would want to see no repeat of someone wanting to shoot me, so he may very well assist as a shield on a mission in the future.

Harriet: That is a humanitarian act on his part I can endorse.

Parsons: A way of showing his gratitude for British hospitality.

Emily: Apparently the East Germans did not properly screen their negotiation team before sending them to Britain. It was terribly careless of them to send someone with visa irregularities.

Harriet temporarily left the booth and the Stuffy Shirts and approached the cafeteria staff.

“Might I please use your telephone? I have to make a call and it is one I would rather everyone were not able to hear”

Cafeteria Staff Member: "Certainly. We have a telephone that can stretch to your booth. There is hardly anyone in the cafeteria, so the unwanted ears should be a lot less of a problem.

You return to your booth and I will bring the telephone over to you."

Harriet: Thank you. I am very grateful to you.

Not three (3) minutes later Harriet was telephoning the Boss from the cafeteria.

Harriet: Miss Secretary, Might I please speak with the Boss about the proceedings this morning?

Secretary: Wait on. I will see if he is available. He said He is happy to speak with you. I will put you through to him.

Harriet: “Sir, Thank you for speaking with me. So that I may assist you with any possible intelligence I might have or come across that could be useful in relation to this matter, I would like to clarify the parameters within which we are working.

The East Germans sent an agent to London who was going to poison our water system, but his own negligence and stupidity lead to his capture by us before he got anywhere near completing his mission.

As part of their negotiations team to try to return Agent Water Poisoner to East Germany, the East Germans included an agent who wanted to shoot our Agent Parsons during those negotiations. And we now have the trigger happy Agent Itchy in custody as well, due to his visa irregularities.

Against that background, the East Germans are baulking at returning to Britain three (3) British nationals who are currently residing in East Germany.”

Boss: An accurate and succinctly articulated assessment there, Agent Harriet.

Harriet: Thank you, Sir. I will turn my mind to any intelligence I might have seen that is relevant here.

Boss: Thank you, Agent Harriet. Enjoy your digestion time. There is no need for you Stuffy Shirts to hurry back.

 

As soon as the telephone call ended, Harriet returned the telephone to the cafeteria staff.

Harriet: Thank you, again.

Cafeteria Staff: It is no trouble. Would you like more tea?

Harriet: Yes, please. Another pot of tea would be lovely.

I will take care of that tea while I am here.

When the cafeteria staff saw the tip from Harriet she said: “That is very generous of you, Miss. Thank you. I will bring your pot of tea over to you shortly.”

Harriet then returned to the booth and the Stuffy Shirts.

Emily: That had almost nothing to do with the intelligence on your desk. But it certainly confirmed to the boss you supported what he was doing. Well done.

Harriet: The Boss said “Enjoy your digestion time. There is no need for you Stuffy Shirts to hurry back.”

Nicky: I will get us some lunch menus.

When Nicky returned with the lunch menus she asked Harriet: “Is that gambling den in Soho still funding the East Germans?”

Harriet: Yes.

Emily: No way.

Parsons: Lunch or Soho?

Emily: Soho.

Harriet: Soho. I will make sure Agent Itchy is available to accompany us to Soho. 

Parsons: I will call M1 and M2 and inform them The Famous Five is going to Soho.

Emily: I will take care of the tea etc with the cafeteria staff.

The cafeteria allowed Harriet to again use the telephone. This time the call was made from the front counter. The call was short; “Have my friend you are holding available for us to collect within half an hour. This is not a time to argue with me.”

Harriet thanked the cafeteria staff again. 

When Nicky Parsons returned she said M1 and M2 would collect them from outside the cafeteria in 10 minutes.

Harriet said she was assured Agent Itchy would be available for them to collect with half an hour.

Emily: I have taken care of the bill.

Parsons: Then we should wait outside for M1 and M2.

The Stuffy Shirts each thanked the cafeteria staff for their hospitality.

Soho Raid

M1 and M2 arrived promptly and The Famous Five then proceeded to collect Agent Itchy.

Six (6) adults in the MI6 vehicle was a cosy fit, but not one that worried the MI6 agents.

Agent Parsons then spoke to Agent Itchy: It seems you like to gamble Itchy, so we are taking you to Soho. You may even know some of the people there.”

Handcuffed Itchy had no idea what was going on.

None of The Famous Five thought he needed to know any more than he had been told.

When they arrived at the Soho gambling den, Itchy watched The Famous Five put on protection jackets. Itchy did not like what he was seeing.

Nicky Parsons grabbed Itchy by the arm and said “You are coming with me, Itchy”.

Instructions from Agent Parsons were brief: M1 and Agent Emily will cover the back entrance. M2, Agent Harriet, Itchy and I will take the front entrance. Let’s go.

Agent Parsons had one arm of Itchy and M2 had the other. They were pulling him to the front door of the gambling den.

When they arrived at the front door, Nicky put Itchy directly in front of her. She banged on the front door and yelled “ I have got your guy and I am bringing him to you”.

They then broke through the front door, using Agent Itchy a a shield.

The mission proceeded as Agent Parsons anticipated. The gambling den occupants greeted them with gunfire, most of which was caught by Agent Itchy.

Agents Emily and M1 breached the back entrance and the MI6 team quickly had the gambling den crew subdued and handcuffed. Emily was on telephone duties and called the situation in to MI6. A clean up crew was there within 15 minutes.

Agent Parsons explained that there was no need to take the now deceased Agent Itchy with the clean up crew, she had her own plans for him.

In and out within 45 minutes. Clean and efficient work from The Famous Five and MI6.

East German Embassy

Agent Parsons then declared: “We are now off to the East German Embassy. M1 and M2 can sort out who is driving.”

The agents then bundled the deceased Agent Itchy into the back of the MI6 motor vehicle and they proceeded to the East German Embassy.

When they arrived, they parked right at the front gates. Agent Itchy was removed from the MI6 vehicle and placed on the ground in front of the gates.

Nicky Parsons spoke to the Embassy staff that greeted them: 

“Send the Guy out here immediately and do not make me wait.”

The shocked Embassy staff immediately went inside the Embassy and returned with The Ambassador.

Agent Parsons: “This is your guy, Agent Itchy. He wanted to shoot me, during a negotiation, no less. He has just helped us on a successful mission. We want the three (3) British nationals you have in East Germany returned to us. This is no longer a negotiation.

We will wait here while you go inside and make the telephone call that guarantees the return of the three (3) British nationals. Then you can have what is left of Agent Itchy and do with him what you like. Have I made myself clear?”

An initially speechless Ambassador said: I will be back shortly.

Parsons: Do not make me wait.

10 minutes later the Ambassador returned.

Parsons: You took your time.

Ambassador: Settle down. I know about the telephone call this morning. Your offer will be accepted. The three (3) British nationals will be returned to Britain, unharmed.

Parsons: You better not be lying to me.

Ambassador: Things did not go so well for Agent Itchy. This mess needs to end.

Parsons: I will take you at your word. I will leave you to deal with Agent Itchy.

Ambassador: “Your boss told me to tell you, there is no need to call him about this escapade. He knows about it and is not surprised by it.

The things you people do for Queen and country.”

East Germany Called

 Wednesday

As soon as Nicky Parsons arrived at work on Wednesday, the day after her special day off, the secretary to the Boss came to see her and told her the Boss wanted to see her immediately.

Secretary: Do not delay. I will get the other two Stuffy Shirts to join you.

Within 10 minutes all 3 Stuffy Shirts were again seated in the office of the Boss.

Boss: I hope you three ladies enjoyed your day off.

Stuffy Shirts: Yes, Thank you.

Boss: "It seems bad news travels fast. The East Germans are apparently not happy their short-tempered and impatient Iron Curtain Bad Guy got himself caught, and over a jazz record. I kid you not, someone senior in their hierarchy wants to meet with Agent Parsons, in person, in London. My guess is to convince MI6 to look the other way while they take care of their problem, who is now in our custody.

A Bad Guy who was going to poison our water supply lost his temper over a jazz record and got himself caught.

The East Germans are seriously unhappy."

Emily: You have seen this movie before?

Boss: I am the boss of MI6. I have seen a lot of movies.

Harriet: They want to talk to Nicky Parsons? Why not you?

Boss: It is not in dispute Agent Parsons is a pragmatic operator, sometimes uncomfortably so. But they misjudge her loyalty to Queen and Country.

I thought I would share this with all three of you. Not just because you captured the East German problem, but because you are in the same team and are friends.

If it gives you ladies any comfort, Agent Parsons will be perfectly safe during the proposed meeting.

Have I read you right, Agent Parsons? Are you up for the meeting at 6:00 pm this evening?

Parsons: 6:00 pm this evening?

Boss: My team backing you up is already undergoing preparations.

As I alluded earlier, the East Germans are wildly unhappy their proposed water poisoner is a short-tempered lunatic, who is now a threat to them, in terms of possibly revealing vital intelligence and / or information.

I have absolute faith in Agent Parsons. She is not going to give up the newly acquired East German asset.

Parsons: Of course I am not going to give him up. If he does not cooperate with us, he has other uses for us.

Boss: Parsons is in. Are you two ladies going to join this operation?

Emily: What would you have us do?

Boss: Accompany Agent Parsons to the meeting. Then join the observation team. There will be quite a few of you in and around this meeting.

Emily: I am in.

Harriet: I am in.

Boss: Excellent. The meeting will take place in one of our safe houses not too far from here.

The Meeting

Parsons: You are not getting your guy. You are not even getting access to your guy. He is ours now and he will cooperate with us or pay a very steep price.

Parsons: Have Itchy over there leave the room or I will take him out.

East German Negotiator: Time for you to leave the room, Itchy.

Itchy left the room without complaint from his East German colleagues.

Parsons: As a matter of interest, what are you proposing to offer me to give you access to your guy, who is now our guy?

East German Negotiator:

(Trying not to reveal the desperation beneath his veneer of composure)

"Agent Parsons, we are prepared to offer … a significant package.

We will provide:

• The operational details for a new, highly effective listening post we have established near your naval base in Portsmouth;

• A full breakdown of its capabilities, personnel, and access points; and as a gesture of goodwill

• We will also ensure the safe, discreet return of three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin,

• individuals whose whereabouts have been a source of considerable diplomatic friction."

Parsons: You are not getting your guy. He is ours now and he will cooperate with us or I will put him to use elsewhere.

Agent Parsons then produced a number of photographs from her overcoat. “These photographs are of the bullet strewn body of a former Iron Curtain Bad Guy who refused to cooperate with us. I successfully used him as bait for and a shield to gain access to an Iron Curtain Bad Guy. That is now the future of your guy, if he does not cooperate with us.

It has been interesting talking with you guys.

Looks like this meeting is over.

As Agent Parsons reconnected with her MI6 colleagues immediately after the meeting with the East Germans, she said:

“Whoever is driving me, take me to see the Water Poisoner in MI6 custody immediately.”

As she spoke, Agent Emily and Agent Harriet appeared.

Agent Parsons asked her fellow Stuffy Shirts: “Are you coming with me?”

Stuffy Shirts: Yes.

There was silence in the MI6 vehicle en route to the custody location holding the East German prospective Water Poisoner.

Apart from thanking the driver when they arrived, the silence was only broken when Agent Parsons had her meeting with the newly acquired Iron Curtain Bad Guy.

There was another brief episode where the silence was broken by Nicky Parsons.

As she waited for the East German prospective Water Poisoner to be brought to her for their meeting, she made a telephone call to MI6. And it was obviously to someone senior.

Agent Parsons told her MI6 colleague Itchy was present during the negotiations meeting and he gave Nicky Parsons the impression he wanted to shoot her. Parsons promptly ordered him from the room and the East German contingent complied with her request.

In the circumstances, Nicky Parsons wants the airport authorities to hold Itchy on “visa irregularities”, so that he misses his plane back to East Germany, at the very least. He may be held for much longer.

Agent Parsons seemed to get a positive response from her MI6 superior.

As that telephone call ended, her newly acquired East German asset appeared for their meeting.

Parsons: ”You were going to poison our water supply. There is no part of me that has to be nice to you. This is not a time for you to speak. This is a time for you to listen very carefully.

The East Germans want you dead. Very Dead. Your only hope of staying alive is to properly cooperate with us. I assure you, my patience is very thin when it comes to you.

Apart from telling us all about your plans to poison our water supply, there is other information you will provide to us.

There will be no heroic escape for you. The people who are disposed to seek your release, are the same people who want to kill you.

The additional information I want from you is as follows (and this is not a request):

• The details of your new East German listening post near our UK naval base in Portsmouth;

• The details of the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin, who have been the subject of considerable diplomatic friction."

You are a short-tempered and impatient fool who allowed himself to get so agitated over a jazz record, you blew your cover and gave us the opportunity to capture you. You are not a clever man.

We want the information from you and if you are not going to cooperate with us, I can assure you, I have other very unpleasant plans for you.

There is not much left of this Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday. That is a good day for you to get religion and confess. If I have to come back to see you, the East Germans will be a long way short of your biggest problem.

I bought the Donald Byrd album that was problematic for you from a different record store the following Monday. You are a dangerously stupid and irresponsible man. Tomorrow you will provide us with the information we want.

I trust I have made myself clear to you.

Have a terrible night’s sleep.”

It is accurate to say the East German Bad Guy was rather unsettled by what Agent Parsons said to him. He knew better than to interrupt her or argue with her. A moment of clarity had visited him. He was silent when Agent Parsons left the interview room and he was silent when he was returned to his cell.

Life just got considerably more complicated for the East German Bad Guy.

When Agent Parsons met up with Agent Emily and Agent Harriet shortly after leaving her meeting with the East German Bad Guy, the silence was broken by an MI6 colleague telling the Stuffy Shirts: “I have organised for all three of you to be driven home by an MI6 staff member.”

That seemed to lighten the mood all around.

Thursday

First thing Thursday morning the Boss gathered The Famous Five in his office for a meeting.

Boss: Agent Parsons, I see the meeting last evening went as expected. Apart from the bad mannered behaviour of one of the East Germans. You were correct to deal with him as you did.

It seems your East German friend is having some visa troubles at the airport this morning.

Agent Parsons: That is terrible luck for him, Sir.

Boss: I am sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the way he acted towards you last evening. 

Agent Parsons: He might miss his plane back to East Germany.

Boss: That would be unfortunate. I propose the five of you attend upon the airport and see if you can assist the East German friend of Agent Parsons with his visa difficulties.

Agent Parsons: All five of us, Sir?

Boss: It looks pretty complicated Agent Parsons, and he is an international guest.

Agent Parsons: Thank you for your assistance, Sir. It will definitely require all five of us.

Boss: "If you have no further questions, you can leave immediately

Good job at the negotiations meeting last night, Agent Parsons. I knew it would not be a problem for you. And I am glad you had a chat with our new East German jazz fan guest afterwards."

Agent Parsons: Thank you, Sir. We will now make our way to the airport.

Boss: Thank you, agents.

The Airport

The five agents then made their way to the airport.

Once they arrived at the airport, they were taken to where Itchy was being held.

Agent Parsons: This is a surprise, Itchy. I did not expect to see you again. Apparently British hospitality is so good, you created visa problems for yourself so you might stay here longer.

You are not going to tell me you tried to shoot someone, are you Itchy?

Itchy: I did not try to shoot anyone.

Parsons: I made sure you left the room before you got the chance.

Itchy: That was a misunderstanding. I was not trying to shoot you.

Parsons: Seems there is a misunderstanding with your visa also. Our government is so concerned about you, Itchy, it has sent five (5) agents to deal with this misunderstanding.

Where are your colleagues, Itchy?

Itchy: They returned to East Germany without me.

Emily was trying to muffle her laughter.

Parsons: "Alone and lonely in a foreign country. Life has become complicated for you, Itchy.

Wait here while we go and make some enquiries about your situation to see if we can sort it out promptly."

The five agents then left Itchy alone in the interview and observation room.

Agent Harriet: You are having way too much fun with this, Agent Parsons and I am here for it.

Agent Emily: Perhaps we should adjourn to strategize over a pot of tea?

Parsons: Good call, Agent Emily. Ruminate upon our strategy over a pot of tea. Now to find a cafeteria to host our ruminating and tea drinking.

Agent Emily: There is a sparsely populated cafeteria nearby.

Parsons: That will be our destination.

As they were walking to the cafeteria, M2 said quietly to M1: This is one of those times where we do not say anything until we are told we are required.

Once the agents were well into their pot of tea, Agent Harriet said to Agent Parsons: You could end this with one telephone call.

Parsons: I also could have shot Itchy last night. I chose to have him removed from the room.

Emily: I see no problem with Itchy being inconvenienced here for another hour or two. Ultimately it is your call, Agent Parsons.

Parsons: Let me know when you have finished your tea. I am going to make Itchy sweat.

Within 10 minutes The Famous Five had returned to the interview and observation room and continued their discussion with Itchy.

Parsons: You were rather trigger happy last night, Itchy. Are you sure you do not have any information for us to help us assist you with your current visa problems?

The specific information that comes to mind that you might provide to us is:

• The details of the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin, who have been the subject of considerable diplomatic friction.

Surely you would want to do everything you can to help us help you. Especially as you were so trigger happy last evening.

Itchy: What is going on here?

Parsons: You tell me, Itchy. You were the one who was trigger happy. I did nothing to threaten you or anyone in your contingent.

The Carbon Cage

The new government having now taken power, The Chief of The Stasi has been implementing his programme of transition. Those who believed in the censorship etc of the previous government are systematically identified and then conscripted to live in 15 Minute Cities . They are also subjected to carbon footprint rationing and digital identification, even microchipping.

It would be an ambitious use of the language to describe convicted Climate Hoaxer, and Infidel, Dresden Leipzig as comfortable with his court-imposed punishment of being required to be Microchipped and have a Digital ID. That foray into the criminal justice system has definitely seen Leipzig subsequently welcomed To The Terrordome.

Bank Account

Somewhat surprisingly Dresden Leipzig lost his sense of humour when he sought to access his bank account from an automatic teller machine. The machine in question informed Leipzig The Infidel that he needed to go to nearest actual bank branch, because his account was not accessible.

After waiting roughly three (3) hours at the bank, a staff member attended up Leipzig and initially told him his account could not be located. After another lengthy pause, the staff member returned to Dresden to inform him that the subject account had been located, but it has no funds in it. Leipzig was shocked by that news, because he believed he had considerable funds in the account.

Significantly Leipzig was also told that there was a notation on the account that Dresden had exceeded his allocated carbon footprint. Accordingly, no business could be transacted with him, until such time as his carbon footprint was reduced to an acceptable level.

The bank officer further informed Dresden if the bank were to conduct business with him whilst he had exceeded his allocated carbon footprint, it will be subjected to significant financial penalties.  Accordingly there was no incentive for the bank to be benevolent to Dresden.

Dresden Leipzig was enjoying first hand experience the sort of exclusion and government control of Infidels for which he was previously such an enthusiastic advocate. His sense of humour was nowhere to be seen.

As Leipzig was preparing to leave his bank, another staff member approached the staff member dealing with Dresden. After their brief conversation Dresden was informed that a new status would be applied to his account, as a result of conformation of a reduction of his carbon footprint to below his allocated level. This meant the bank could now conduct business with him and any funds in the account would be available to him. There was also sufficient funds in his account for him to make the withdrawal he was seeking.

The bank officer then accompanied Dresden to a teller and the desired withdrawal transaction was negotiated. That withdrawal transaction only took Leipzig roughly 4.5 hours to complete.

Newsagent

With cash now in his wallet, Dresden made his way to the bus stop and commenced his journey home. When he alighted the bus at his stop, he attended upon a newsagent proximate to the stop to purchase a magazine. The newsagency staff told Dresden the notation on their transaction computer was that he had exceeded his allocated carbon footprint, so no business could be conducted with him.

Leipzig was aware of the presence of other customers in the store. Some were waiting in line behind him and were getting annoyed that his Infidel status was impeding their progress to being served. Dresden did not want to involve himself in any more humiliation, so he left the newsagency without challenging their contention and without any magazines.

Following his experience at the bank and the newsagent, Dresden acknowledged to himself he will have trouble paying his utility bills and the like, because he cannot necessarily access the funds in his bank account.

Segregated Train Station Entry

The programme of transition implemented by The Chief of The Stasi extended to segregated train station entry, as Kate painfully discovered at the busy Kangaroo train station.

There were two (2) clearly marked entry lines for the automated gates at Kangaroo train station:

• one labelled "Non-Infidel Access";

• the other "Infidel Processing."

People moved through the "Non-Infidel" line with relative ease. The "Infidel Processing" line moved considerably slower, with frequent pauses for ID checks.

A Non-Infidel in her late 20s and dressed in practical work attire, Aria was clearly in a hurry and entered the "Non-Infidel Access" line. Prior to Aria, Kate, a 30Something Infidel, mistakenly joined that "Non-Infidel Access" line.

Aria had her eyes fixed on the departure board, as she tapped her foot impatiently. Her train to Sector 7 was nearing final boarding. The "Non-Infidel Access" line was moving steadily, a testament to her compliant status within the system, she thought.

Three (3) places ahead of her, Kate reached the automated gate and placed a worn wristband against the scanner. A jarring red light flashed, accompanied by a curt, robotic voice:

• "Digital ID Rejected. Incorrect Access Point. Infidel Processing Required. Please proceed to designated line."

A collective groan rippled through the "Non-Infidel Access" queue. Several people shifted their weight, their own schedules now slightly imperiled by this disruption.

"Ugh, not one of them," Aria muttered under her breath, her annoyance immediately amplified by the clearly marked separate line.

Kate visibly recoiled at the robotic directive and the glares from the people behind her. She seemed confused and perhaps a little ashamed, her eyes darting towards the much slower "Infidel Processing" line.

"Come on, move it along!" Aria exclaimed, stepping closer. "Some of us have actual lives and schedules! You are in the wrong line! Can't you even follow simple instructions?"

Aria glared at Kate, her fists clenching. "You people are all the same! Cluttering up the system, causing delays for those of us who contribute!" She roughly pushed past Kate, attempting to scan her own ID, but the gate remained locked, due to the previous rejection.

Kate stammered, her voice barely audible. "I ... I did not see ... I just ..." She fumbled with her wristband, her face paling.

"Well, now you have cost me my train!" Aria snapped, her face flushed with anger. The chime announcing the final boarding call of her train echoed through the station. "Because of your incompetence! First you are an Infidel, now you can not even read signs!"

The robotic voice from the automated entry gate repeated its directive. Simultaneously, two (2) uniformed Peacekeepers approached Kate The Infidel.

"Subject identified. Incorrect sector access attempted. Infidel processing required. You are causing a disruption in a designated Non-Infidel zone. Come with us," one Peacekeeper stated, his tone laced with disdain.

Kate offered no resistance, her head bowed in shame and resignation. The added layer of having been in the wrong line seemed to amplify her sense of guilt and helplessness.

Aria watched, her anger barely contained. "Good. Maybe they will finally learn to stay in their designated areas," she hissed.

The Peacekeepers led Kate away to be processed as a transgressing Infidel.

Punishment

Kate knew, short of a miracle, she would be transferred to a 15-Minute City. Whether she also received an added reprimand for attempting to use the wrong access point was not a significant concern to her, in the circumstances.

Transactional Justice - Offering Up A Sacrificial Lamb

The Criminal Justice System was purring along under the new regime, implementing the correctional justice the regime decreed was necessary to restore order to the community.

An otherwise unremarkable minor level Climate Hoaxer found himself before the Court and added some colour to what are usually sterile proceedings. His crime was attending a small climate change rally.

He addressed the Sentencing Judge personally:

• “Please do not subject me to microchipping and Digital ID. I will give you the identification details of a grotesque reality television contestant. She is surely a greater scourge on our society then me.”

In reply the Sentencing Judge said:

I concede in evaluating the two (2) players currently in the spotlight, the reality television contestant is the more repulsive.  I am disposed to grant your request, on your commitment / promise to the Court that your Climate Hoax days are over.

The Accused: I will happily sign such an undertaking.

The Sentencing Judge added: However, I currently do not have the power to do so. Perhaps you might address me on why microchipping and Digital ID is not an appropriate sentence for you.

In his ultimate address to the Court regarding the colourful low-level Climate Hoaxer, the Sentencing Judge said:

“You have convinced me microchipping and Digital ID is not the appropriate sentence for you. And upon your agreement, which you have already given, you will be sentenced to 500 hours of unpaid community service work. I reiterate again to you, it is time you retired from Climate Hoaxing.”

Train Station

A couple of days subsequent to his confronting bank and newsagent experience, Dresden made his way to his local train station, as he had an errand to run in the city. Dresden ensured he was in the "Infidel Processing" line and had no intention of complaining about the slow progress that line might make.

When Dresden made it to the automated gates at the head of his Infidel Processing line, he placed his government imposed wristband against the scanner. Leipzig then discovered his digital identification was rejected. That rejection triggered a warning across the security system and security officers were dispatched to locate Dresden and transfer him to a 15-Minute City zone.

15 Minute City

Upon relocation to his new residential environment, a 15 Minute City, Dresden was subjected to a brief induction program. The city itself was soulless and sterile. The modest city centre was surrounded by indistinguishable apartment buildings that stretched to the boundary of the city. No infidels are allowed to own or use motor vehicles. The boundary of the city is a walk of 15 minutes from the city centre.

All 15 Minute City inhabitants (Infidels) are expected to wear their government issued wristbands at all times. Even if they do not do so, their microchip will be used to monitor their presence and activity at all times.

The automated gates system that Leipzig encountered at the train station was largely replicated in his 15 Minute City. No one was allowed to leave the city without the approval of the authorities. The wristband and the microchip are used to ensure no one leaves the city without permission. There are checkpoints at various locations throughout the city where Infidels can check their carbon footprint.

Upon the conclusion of that brief induction program, Leipzig was escorted to his new residence, an apartment in a soulless apartment building that was largely indistinguishable from the buildings surrounding it.

It was emphasised to Dresden by his regime induction companion who accompanied him to his new residence that entry to the apartment was primarily controlled by the wristband / microchip and therefore the authorities.

Dresden was sufficiently intuitive to realise he did not get any input to that decision making, so he did not argue with his induction companion.

Now relocated to his 15 Minute City apartment Dresden reflected upon his journey there a little. He noticed the tedium and monotony of his neighbourhood was interrupted from time to time with billboards encouraging the inhabitants not to exceed their allocated carbon footprint. What he had seen of the city thus far seemed to be resplendent with surveillance cameras.

After he had been in his new residence for a while, Leipzig went for a walk. Upon reaching the downstairs common area of his building, Dresden encountered a fellow building occupant who had apparently done some grocery shopping. The neighbour commenced the conversation:

“Choice is a thing of the past in shops in this 15 Minute City. All stores have a maximum of three types of items from which to choose and the authorities are apparently in no hurry to restock empty shelves. It is correct to say you get used to it. It is not correct to say you learn to enjoy it. Enjoy what you can here. I am going to my apartment. Perhaps our paths may cross again in the future.

Dresden got the impression his new neighbour did not want to be seen dwelling on a conversation. Dresden thanked him for his information.

The Leipzig walk expanded from the downstairs common area of his building to the streets surrounding his new residence and Dresden happened upon one of the billboards encouraging the city inhabitants not to exceed their allocated carbon footprint. As he stood reading the sign, another city resident spoke to him:

“Seems you are new here. There is no apparent rationale behind how the carbon footprint rationing system works in this city. The regime is very good at making you lose carbon credits. Any possible ways to earn carbon credits or improve your carbon score are never revealed. The whole carbon footprint allowance is used to manipulate behaviour within the City. There is a carbon footprint checkpoint nearby, let us see how your status is fairing.”

The checkpoint to which he was referring was no more than 50 metres from the billboard where they were conversing.

His conversation partner then invited Dresden to scan his wristband.

Dresden acceded to the request and a number appeared on the small checkpoint screen.

His conversation partner continued:

“That reading will vary for no apparent rhyme or reason, even though you believe nothing has occurred in your life to alter your carbon footprint score.”

Anyway, I have to keep moving. I hope you found this information helpful.”

Leipzig thanked his conversation partner and they each went on their way.

Best Dresden return home, he thought. As he made his way home, he found himself reflecting upon the information provided by his conversation partner: Helpful information provided to reinforce that the regime wanted the inhabitants of the 15 Minute City to be helpless.

As Dresden turned off the footpath into the walkway to his residential complex, he noticed the billboard that was visible from that vantage point had changed its graphic to:

• Enjoy your 15 Minute City, Infidels. This is the life you wanted.

Detained In Malaysia

The Committee For The Protracted Consideration of The Malaysian Misadventure of Senator Appleby Chumley

A politician known for his obstructive tactics and self-serving delays within the Australian government, Senator Appleby Chumley made headline political news of a different kind in Australia by getting himself detained in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. The news revealed Chumley was swiftly deemed a security threat by Malaysian authorities and listed for deportation.

The overwhelming response of the general public to that news was that they were not interested in it in the slightest. Politicians of all persuasions made some performative noise about it. There were a few sound bite responses to the media pack from some politicians, but most of them had better things with which to concern themselves.

Privately most politicians saw the Chumley predicament as a form of karmic justice, however the government publicly announced its deep concern and commitment to understanding the situation. To that end, "The Committee For The Protracted Consideration of The Malaysian Misadventure of Senator Appleby Chumley" was promptly formed.

Committee Meets

Held a full month after the Malaysian detention of Senator Chumley, the first meeting of the Committee descended into a morass of procedural debate. The air in the committee room was thick with unspoken agendas and thinly veiled animosity. The selection of a chairperson was the first order of business and it immediately devolved into a parliamentary free-for-all.

A veteran known for his meticulous adherence to (and frequent weaponization of) standing orders, Senator Davies insisted on a secret ballot with multiple rounds of nominations, each requiring a seconder and a lengthy justification. Meanwhile, the recently appointed member Ms Chen was eager to assert her authority and argued vehemently for a rotating chair, based on alphabetical order of surname, a proposal that conveniently placed her early in the rotation.

The debate spiralled into discussions about:

• the definition of "suitably qualified";

• the historical precedents for chair selection in similar (though entirely dissimilar) committees; and

• the potential for conflicts of interest, real or imagined.

Hours ticked by, motions were proposed and immediately amended, and points of order were raised regarding the validity of previous points of order. The very notion of progress became a distant memory.

Languishing thousands of kilometres away, the Senator For Obstruction, Senator Chumley, remained a forgotten footnote in this self-important display of bureaucratic paralysis.

Meeting Two: The Program of Inquiry

Another month later and the reluctant appointment to Committee Chairman of a man whose primary ambition was to avoid making any actual decisions, Senator Peterson did little to inject momentum into the committee.

The focus shifted to the "Program of Inquiry," a seemingly innocuous agenda item that, pedant with a penchant for bureaucratic jargon, Mr Percival Pettifog seized upon with the zeal of a zealot finding a loophole. "Before we even consider the specifics of … the unfortunate sojourn of Senator Chumley," he declared, adjusting his spectacles with an air of profound intellectual rigour, "surely we must establish a robust epistemological framework for our investigation."

This led to a lengthy digression on the nature of evidence, the reliability of Malaysian sources, and the potential for cognitive bias within the committee itself. Mr Percival Pettifog then unveiled his initial lines of inquiry:

• a detailed analysis of publicly available flight manifests for the week of the arrival of Senator Chumley;

• a comparative study of Malaysian airport security protocols versus Australian standards (circa 1978); and

• a comprehensive survey of the dietary preferences of all personnel on duty at Kuala Lumpur International Airport on the day in question,

• cross-referenced with publicly available astrological charts.

The initial expressions of polite bewilderment from other Committee members soon morphed into thinly veiled exasperation, as Mr Percival Pettifog passionately defended the crucial relevance of each increasingly tangential avenue.

The Government Visits The Senator For Obstruction

Meanwhile, tasked with the purely symbolic gesture, a junior government representative visited the bewildered and increasingly frustrated Senator Chumley in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. Mr Junior Government Representative delivered a carefully worded update on the "significant progress" being made by the Committee back in Australia. The Senator For Obstruction was assured that no stone will be left unturned (eventually).

Mr Junior Government Representative then returned to Australia with little to no new information. Importantly, he delivered a glowing report of the "compassionate and effective" intervention of the government.

Months of Meetings

The first scheduled public hearing of the Committee was predictably farcical. Mr Percival Pettifog managing to have himself double-booked on the date of that hearing meant the hearing needed to be adjourned. The flimsy, convoluted and unconvincing excuses proffered by Mr Percival Pettifog did nothing to quell the raw anger of the other Committee members. Of course, that meant Senator Chumley continued to remain in limbo in Malaysia.

Subsequent hearings were also repeatedly postponed due to "scheduling conflicts" and the need for "further preliminary inquiries." Bogging down the Committee in endless procedural debates, subcommittee formations, and the analysis of irrelevant data seemed to be the primary purpose of Mr Percival Pettifog. He could hardly be satisfied that the Committee produced nothing but voluminous minutes, filled with his increasingly outlandish proposals  and the exasperated sighs of his colleagues.

The subsequent months unfolded in a predictable cycle of unproductive meetings. Mr Percival Pettifog proved tireless in his pursuit of the irrelevant. One meeting was entirely devoted to debating the appropriate font and margin size for their interim report on meteorological data. Another saw the formation of a subcommittee (spearheaded by Mr Percival Pettifog) dedicated to analysing the precise shade of blue used on the Kuala Lumpur airport signage. This subcommittee met weekly, poring over photographs and Pantone charts, while the core issue of the Senator Chumley Malaysian detention remained unaddressed.

Proposals for actual fact-finding missions to Malaysia were invariably bogged down in discussions about travel budgets, diplomatic protocols, and the potential for "cultural insensitivity." The exasperated sighs of Senator Davies, the eye-rolls of Ms Chen, and the general air of weary resignation that permeated the Committee room became the defining characteristics of these protracted and pointless gatherings. Meticulously recording every procedural squabble and tangential debate, the voluminous minutes grew ever thicker, a testament to the remarkable ability of the Committee to achieve absolutely nothing.

As the inaction of the Committee became apparent, the public and media were losing interest in the Senator Chumley situation. Whatever outrage may have initially existed, had now given way to cynicism and apathy.

Federal Election Approaching

The detention of the Senator For Obstruction occurred 18 months prior to the scheduled next federal election and that election was now approaching. The political fortunes of Senator Chumley were declining both at home and abroad. There was no mood to re-elect the Senator For Obstruction and leaks of internal party discussions revealed pretty much everyone wanted to forget about him.

The outcome of the federal election produced an unsurprising result and lead to a change in government. The new government had no vested interest in the performative exercises of the previous administration and promptly after assuming power, it announced the disbandment of The Committee For The Protracted Consideration of The Malaysian Misadventure of Senator Appleby Chumley. Upon hearing the news of the disbandment, the Committee members expressed relief that they could turn their attention to more useful purposes.

A couple of months after the federal election, Mr Junior Government Representative made a second and less publicised trip to Senator Appleby Chumley in his Kuala Lumpur detention. Mr Junior Government Representative informed Chumley of the relevant Australian news:

• Chumley was not re-elected and was now a private citizen.

• With the change in government, The Committee For The Protracted Consideration of The Malaysian Misadventure of Senator Appleby Chumley was disbanded.

Mr Junior Government Representative further explained that ex-Senator Chumley would now need to deal directly with the Malaysian authorities regarding his continued detention and potential deportation. Those dealings would no longer enjoy the backing or assistance of the Australian government or its now defunct Committee.

Having discharged his duty of informing Senator Appleby Chumley of the relevant Australian news, Mr Junior Government Representative then departed Malaysia for Australia. That left Senator Appleby Chumley alone to contemplate his new reality. The silence of that contemplation in Malaysian detention was punctuated by the faint strains of a tinny radio playing the 1973 song by The Who, "The Real Me":

"... Can you see the real me?

Can ya?

Can ya? ..."

As the Senator For Obstruction was returned to his jail cell in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, the accompanying prison guard spoke to him:

“I have a message for you from a Miss Julie London. She said she would Cry You a River.”