Saturday, 10 January 2015

A Time To Confess

After speaking with her relationship counsellor, May Huddersfield, and her solicitor, Siobhan Blanco, and agreeing to see a psychiatrist, so she can try to have a meaningful relationship with her children again, Arcadia Thiessen thought it was time she was candid with her parents about the life she had lead and the position in which she now found herself.

This Arcadia was almost unrecognisable from the Arcadia many had seen in recent times. She made a list of all the evidence of her infidelity that her estranged husband, Tabernacle Calderone, was likely to possess and she was going to reveal it all to her parents. When she completed the list Arcadia saw that it was imposing, perhaps even overwhelming.

The List

  • A bunch of flowers was sent to my home of whilst I was away on business.
  • The card attached to the flowers was ambiguous.
  • It read, “Thanks for a fantastic time. You really are amazing. I hope we can get together again the next time you are in town.”

  • I met O'Jones Delahunty at the gym and I had a sexual encounter with him just prior to going to Adelaide on business. He boasted about our sexual encounter and by the time I was on the plane returning to Melbourne from Adelaide, that boasting had reached Tabernacle. Tabernacle was not impressed. He told his lawyers of this infidelity. They finalised the divorce papers and filed them in the Court.

The divorce documents and the correspondence I have subsequently received from Tabernacle revealed that he had significant evidence of my infidelity.

  • The hotel records of where I had stayed on some of my business trips.
  • The room service bills from hotels in which I stayed on my business trips
  • The telephone records of my second mobile telephone
  • A profile of my Sydney boyfriend, Garlick Duckworth
  • At least eighteen (18) months prior to the separation I had been having an affair with Garlick Duckworth, a man from Sydney.
  • I travelled often with my work to see him and spoke with him most days by telephone.
  • We also sent lots of text messages to each other.
  • Video of me having a sexual encounter with my Melbourne boyfriend, Bonham Trudeaux
  • Six (6) intimate photographs of me
  • At least two (2) of the four (4) photographs of me naked were taken at my home.
  • In the two (2) photographs where I was performing oral sex, my wedding ring was clearly visible.
  • I instigated a series of abusive telephone calls, text messages and email to Calderone because I could not see the children. Calderone said he would suspend all contact until they stopped.
  • I went to pieces and caught a train out of town. After about a week away I returned home.
  • I contracted genital warts
  • I told the doctor treating me for the genital warts that I have had too many sex partners for me to know from whom I might have contracted them
  • Calderone telephoned me reminding me that I was supposed to ring the children for contact because I had not been doing so.
  • On the birthday of our son I was supposed to telephone him, but I did not do so. When Calderone telephoned me about it, he interrupted me having sex with Bonham Trudeaux

Having made the list, Arcadia realised she needed to have the conversation with her parents in person, but she did not have the strength to drive to the home of her parents to have the conversation. She decided to invite them to her house and reveal all to them there.

It was an awkward telephone call and it took Arcadia quite some time to prepare herself to make it. When she had summoned sufficient courage, the telephone call was brief.

“Hello, Mum. Can you and dad come over here please? I need to talk to you about my marriage, my divorce and me and I do not have the strength to drive to your home.”

“What is going on, Arcadia?” her mother replied.

Arcadia: “I would really rather wait until you both are here before I tell you any more.”

“OK. Your father and I will be at your house at 7:00 pm tonight”, her mother said and the conversation ended.

Arcadia had some uncomfortable time to fill in before her parents arrived. She tried sleeping, but that did not last very long. She watched some television, but could not focus on the show. She listened to some music, but could not find anything she liked. She starting reading some magazine articles, but could not remember anything she read. She went for a walk in a nearby park, but she did not want to engage with anybody. When Arcadia got home from her walk, she again tried to occupy herself, so as to not worry about the conversation she proposed to have with her parents. It was difficult for her and she did not feel like eating either. Several cups of tea were consumed and she managed to do the dishes before her parents arrived.

A Visit From Her Parents
Arcadian knew how difficult and painful the conversation would be, yet it was a relief to see her parents turn up at her house. It meant the waiting was over.

It was an awkward greeting with her parents and they remained unsure about what was going on when she asked them to sit in her lounge room whilst she told them what she had to tell them.

Arcadia remained standing when she started talking to her parents and she was pacing around her lounge room.

“Everything has gone horribly wrong for me and I am having real trouble coping with my new circumstances.”

Her parents remained quiet whilst she spoke and they listened attentively.

“You probably know Tabernacle has left me and he now lives in Cairns. He accepted a job at a catering company in Cairns and relocated there with the two (2) children. My only physical contact with the children now is during holiday periods. He has also formed a relationship with Friday Rauschenberg, who works for a florist and has no children of her own. Friday now lives with Tabernacle and our children.”

“Because I am not employed, I am finding it difficult to fund the necessary air travel between Melbourne and Cairns, which would enable me to have contact with the children. So at the moment contact consists of telephone calls, video calls, email and text messages.”

“Tabernacle left me because he thought I was unfaithful to him. It became common knowledge that every time I travelled for work I was unfaithful to Tabernacle. It also became common knowledge that for eighteen (18) months I abused my work travel entitlements conducting an affair with Garlick Duckworth from Sydney.”

“Tabernacle has been very organised in the divorce and he seems to have collated a lot of evidence about me. I have made a list of all the evidence of my infidelity that I believe Tabernacle was likely to possess and I am going to reveal it all to you. One of the reasons I am doing this is because recently I received a letter from Tabernacle, which relevantly said:

“I want you to consult a psychiatrist. I want to know what is going on with you. Your decline has been significant and you seem unstable. I think you need professional help. Unless and until I see a satisfactory psychiatric report on you, I will not make the children available to you for any contact whatsoever.”

“Since this has all occurred I have seen a relationship counsellor, May Huddersfield. She is helping me create a positive platform so that I can try to have a meaningful relationship with my children again. My solicitor, Siobhan Blanco, said if I give her something tangible with which to work, she can recommend a psychiatrist whom she believes will help me.”

Arcadia stopped walking around the lounge room and looked at her parents. She could see that they were surprised by what she had just told them.

“I realise this is probably shocking news for you. I am not telling you to upset you. Rather I am telling you because I believe you need to know what has been going on with me. I will go through the list of all the evidence of my infidelity that I believe Tabernacle was likely to possess in respect of me and explain what happened as best I can. You will then know what has happened.”

More than a little surprised, her father said to Arcadia, “We will try not to interrupt you.”

Arcadia then told her parents in detail the contents of her list. She could see much of it was painful for her parents to hear.

When she finished, Arcadia sat, exhausted in a lounge room chair and sobbed loudly for several minutes.

Her parents looked at each other and then at Arcadia. They were shocked to hear of her infidelity and promiscuity.

After Arcadia composed herself a little, she continued. This time whilst seated.

“My relationship counsellor, May Huddersfield said she and I need to talk about:

  • Why I thought it appropriate to be unfaithful to my husband with these men, especially as none of them were interested in forming a family with me and my children.
  • Why did my focus move from my children?
  • Why did I put my job at risk in acting this way?”

“I do not really have answers to those questions. I have missed the attention. I really enjoyed the attention all those men gave me. Hardly anyone pays me attention now and very little of that attention is positive or nice.”

“You are not getting much attention from your children and they are certainly not getting much attention from you. That is a pretty significant outcome from your behaviour, Arcadia”, her mother said.

“It seems for quite some time your children have not been getting the attention they deserve from you. You seem to have been focussed on all of these other men in your life. Tabernacle now has the children in Cairns and is apparently living happily with and his new girlfriend. That does not indicate a very rosy immediate future for you. Especially seeing as you have also managed to lose your job and destroy your work prospects in your field.”

“Working with your relationship counsellor and solicitor to create a positive platform, so that you can try to have a meaningful relationship with your children again, seems to be a sensible thing to do.”

“We would like to have a relationship with your children as well and your behaviour has made that relationship more difficult.”

Whilst this discussion was under way, Arcadia could see her father was shocked and stunned by what he had heard.

“We will help you, Arcadia. You are our daughter and we love you, but you have behaved very badly and you have done a lot of damage.”

“Your mother is correct Arcadia”, her father said, making his first real contribution to the conversation.

Her mother continued, “Talk to your solicitor about how we can help you. Perhaps we can all spend some time with your children together. We will also support you with your relationship counsellor and hopefully you will be in a better position when you see the psychiatrist that Tabernacle wants you to see.”

Her father added, “You will have to make a real effort, Arcadia, but your situation does not seem hopeless. You seem to have some good people available to provide good support and assistance for you. Perhaps you could also share more with us about what you are doing. It seems there have been so many things you have done that you may not have done if you considered the consequences of your actions.”

Arcadia was crying again and her mother went over to her and hugged her. Arcadia hugged her mother back and her crying increased. She held her mother tightly and through her tears said, “I have made such a mess.”

As her mother hugged her, Arcadia felt a warmth and affection she had not felt for a long time.

Her father could see the connection between the two of them. He said to Arcadia, “We will help you” and he walked over to them and hugged them both.