Thursday, 1 January 2015

Ash Gun To Ashes

Demonstration For The Minister For The Interior
Upon the Minister For The Interior arriving at the testing facility, the demonstrations started almost immediately. Spaced about ten (10) metres apart from each other were the carcasses of a rabbit, a sheep and a cow.  The first demonstration involved the rabbit. The Ash Gun Demonstration Officer aimed the Ash Gun at the rabbit, it emitted what appeared to be a laser beam at the rabbit and almost immediately the rabbit was reduced to ashes.

The Minister was impressed, but he had little time to dwell on the moment because almost immediately the second demonstration commenced. This time it involved the sheep.  Once again the Ash Gun was aimed at the target, the sheep, and after it emitted what appeared to be a laser beam at the sheep, almost immediately the sheep was reduced to ashes.

Everyone present was impressed with what they saw, but there was also significant discussion about whether the Ash Gun would be able to handle the significant increase in volume that the cow carcass presented.

The Ash Gun Demonstration Officer then said, “Well, let us find out, shall we?”

He then aimed the Ash Gun at the cow carcass and, as it had done on the two previous occasions, it emitted what appeared to be a laser beam at the cow carcass, reducing it to ashes almost immediately.

Everyone in the room was impressed, including and perhaps most importantly, the Minister For The Interior.

Demonstration For Cabinet
The Minister For The Interior immediately informed the Prime Minister and arrangements were promptly made for a subsequent demonstration to take place before the entire Cabinet.

The Prime Minister addressed the Cabinet, “The reason you are all at this location is that the country has reached a critical stage. There are too many people to be adequately housed and fed by the available resources. Drastic population control measures have to be taken immediately to ensure a catastrophic loss of life does not occur within the next decade. In that regard I gave the Minister For The Interior a task to oversee the development of some new technology. He has told me that testing of the new technology has proven to be successful and a demonstration of it will occur today.”

The Ash Gun Demonstration Officer then appeared and repeated for the entire Cabinet the three (3) part demonstration that the Minister For The Interior witnessed the previous day.

After the completion of the demonstration, there was general discussion by the Cabinet about how impressive and effective they considered the Ash Gun to be. The only objection came from the Minister For Industry.

He said it was, “a barbaric device, that was rife for being misused”.

Upon hearing his objection, the Prime Minister looked at the Minister For The Interior and nodded to him. The Minister For The Interior then looked at the Ash Gun Demonstration Officer and nodded to him. Immediately the Ash Gun Demonstration Officer aimed the Ash Gun at the Minister For Industry, it emitted what appeared to be a laser been at him and reduced him to ashes almost immediately.

Silence gripped the room.

The Prime Minister then asked, “Are there any other objections?”

As one the room responded, “No, Prime Minister”.

The Prime Minister then addressed the Ash Gun Demonstration Officer, “Thank you. You may now leave”.

He did so immediately, without saying a word.

The Prime Minister then addressed the Cabinet further.

“Recruitment will commence immediately for the Ash Gun Strike Force, who will be trained to go out into the community and use this equipment as necessary. The Ash Gun Strike Force will operate under the guidance of the Minister For The Interior. A Control Centre will be established to coordinate the Strike Force and a Call Centre will be established to enable community members to report incidents they feel are relevant. All Ash Guns will have a built in GPS feature enabling the location of the Ash Gun to be tracked by the Control Centre. There will also be Cleanup Crews available to cleanup the residue, where necessary.”

“Now that you have been apprised of these developments, this Cabinet meeting can end and I will keep your informed, as circumstances require it.”

The Ash Gun Strike Force
Caitlin Covington and Emilia Zorn were two (2) of two thousand (2,000) recruits who had completed their two-week Ash Gun Strike Force training. They got along and were happy to be partnered with each other as they went into the community as members of the Ash Gun Strike Force. They knew they were primarily to work together, however if the circumstances required, they were authorised to work alone.

Lunchtime Entertainment
At the end of their first month as Strike Force members Caitlin Covington and Emilia Zorn had lunch together at SoHo Brasserie and Café in the City.

After they had been there for about twenty (20) minutes and about five (5) minutes after their meals had arrived, there was a little excitement at the café. Attention focussed on two (2) middle-aged men; one more casually dressed than the other. The Man In The Suit was seemingly on the receiving end of a dressing down from the More Casually Dressed Man.

Ultimately the More Casually Dressed Man produced a handgun and shot the Man In The Suit in the chest. It was a shot that subsequently prove fatal. After he had done so, the More Casually Dressed Man reached into the plastic bag he was carrying and pulled out a sign, which he placed around the neck of the Man In The Suit. The sign read "Liar".

Once those around those two (2) men saw that “Liar” sign, their interest in the two (2) men largely dissipated and they returned to their own affairs.

Not content with leaving the matter there, the More Casually Dressed Man again reached into his bag and produced another sign, which he in turn hung around the neck of the now deceased man wearing a suit. That sign read "Solicitor". After people at the café noticed that sign, they took absolutely no interest in the now deceased man and no adverse comment was made in respect of the More Casually Dressed Man.

The More Casually Dressed Man then proceeded to finish his meal and about fifteen (15) minutes later, he left the café.

Whilst continuing their meals, out of uniform Caitlin and Emilia watched the proceedings with great interest.

As the More Casually Dressed Man left the café, Caitlin said to Emilia, "Eating here never ceases to be entertaining.”

Emilia replied, “Today we even had a floor show.”

Caitlin: “Yes. Kind of them to do our work for us."

Emilia: "Whilst we finish our meals."

Caitlin: “Monday morning it is back in uniform and back on the job. But until then, I am happy to enjoy some down time.”

Emilia: “Indeed.”

With that they exchanged kisses, parted company and went on their way.

An Eventful Walk In The Park For Emilia
After her lunch with Caitlin, Emilia went for a walk through Gardens Park in the City. She had her Ash Gun with her and knew its location was being tracked by the Control Centre through the built-in GPS feature.

Emilia heard a commotion being made and walked over to see what was going on. A group of about seven (7) teenage girls were picking on and assaulting another teenage girl. The victim was clearly outnumbered and completely unable to defend herself.

Emilia took her Ash Gun out of her handbag and wasted no time using it on all seven (7) of the teenage girls who were assaulting the victim. It all happened so quickly the victim appeared stunned by the events.

Within ten (10) minutes a Cleanup Crew had arrived and Emilia had arranged for an ambulance to attend and treat the victim for her injuries.

Once everything was under control, Emilia continued with her walk in Gardens Park for another hour and then she went home.

Danny’s All-Star Joint
One Saturday in April Joost Englebrecht was running errands in his neighbourhood and he decided to buy a cup of tea. He called in to a cafeteria nearby, Danny’s All-Star Joint, placed his order and sat down at a vacant table.

There were three (3) other patrons in attendance, a man in his early 40s, sitting alone and a retired couple.

Shortly after his tea had been brought out Joost noticed that the other male patron, Mr Forty Something, was drinking his drink and reading the newspaper. His solace was interrupted by a new patron who sat himself down at the table of Mr Forty Something and commenced to impose himself upon the situation. Mr Forty Something was clearly unimpressed with the interloper, but Mr Interloper was seemingly not discouraged. He persisted with his annoying behaviour. Unbeknown to Mr Interloper, Mr Forty Something was a member of the Ash Gun Strike Force.

After about ten (10) minutes of this exchange Mr Forty Something quietly, but sternly, said to Mr Interloper “One of the relevant considerations to which you appear to have paid insufficient attention prior to attending and imposing yourself upon me, is the fact that I might be a psychopath.  Welcome to the flaw in your thinking.”

Mr Interloper seemed perplexed by those remarks, but not sufficiently perplexed to desist in his obvious annoying of Mr Forty Something.

Mr Forty Something took another sip of his drink, reached down into the bag which was on the floor to the right of his chair, removed what appeared to be a handgun with a silencer attached and without flinching, proceeded to shoot a laser beam at Mr Interloper.

Mr Interloper immediately turned to dust and formed a neat pile on the floor beside the table at which Mr Forty Something sat.  Mr Forty Something then returned the firearm to the bag on the floor beside him, finished his drink, neatly folded up the newspaper and returned it to the stand from which he obtained it.

As he got back to his table, a waitress had attended his table with a dustpan and broom.

When Mr Forty Something saw the waitress, he walked over to her.

Politely and calmly Mr Forty Something said to the waitress, “I will do that.  It is my mess, I will clean it up.  It is no trouble.”

He then took the dustpan and broom and proceeded to sweep up the pile of dust that was formerly Mr Interloper.

The waitress smiled and said “Thank you”.

When Mr Forty Something had put all of the dust into the dust pan, he walked outside and carefully poured the dust into a garbage bin on the footpath.  He then re-entered the cafeteria and returned the dustpan and broom to the waitress, who had remained standing by his table.  She was a little captivated by this seemingly calm, gentle, considerate man.  He then thanked her, gave her a modest tip and calmly walked out of the cafeteria.

Joost saw all that went on that morning, but knew better than to get involved. No one else in the cafeteria seemed to remark adversely about the behaviour of Mr Forty Something.