East Germany Called

 Wednesday

As soon as Nicky Parsons arrived at work on Wednesday, the day after her special day off, the secretary to the Boss came to see her and told her the Boss wanted to see her immediately.

Secretary: Do not delay. I will get the other two Stuffy Shirts to join you.

Within 10 minutes all 3 Stuffy Shirts were again seated in the office of the Boss.

Boss: I hope you three ladies enjoyed your day off.

Stuffy Shirts: Yes, Thank you.

Boss: "It seems bad news travels fast. The East Germans are apparently not happy their short-tempered and impatient Iron Curtain Bad Guy got himself caught, and over a jazz record. I kid you not, someone senior in their hierarchy wants to meet with Agent Parsons, in person, in London. My guess is to convince MI6 to look the other way while they take care of their problem, who is now in our custody.

A Bad Guy who was going to poison our water supply lost his temper over a jazz record and got himself caught.

The East Germans are seriously unhappy."

Emily: You have seen this movie before?

Boss: I am the boss of MI6. I have seen a lot of movies.

Harriet: They want to talk to Nicky Parsons? Why not you?

Boss: It is not in dispute Agent Parsons is a pragmatic operator, sometimes uncomfortably so. But they misjudge her loyalty to Queen and Country.

I thought I would share this with all three of you. Not just because you captured the East German problem, but because you are in the same team and are friends.

If it gives you ladies any comfort, Agent Parsons will be perfectly safe during the proposed meeting.

Have I read you right, Agent Parsons? Are you up for the meeting at 6:00 pm this evening?

Parsons: 6:00 pm this evening?

Boss: My team backing you up is already undergoing preparations.

As I alluded earlier, the East Germans are wildly unhappy their proposed water poisoner is a short-tempered lunatic, who is now a threat to them, in terms of possibly revealing vital intelligence and / or information.

I have absolute faith in Agent Parsons. She is not going to give up the newly acquired East German asset.

Parsons: Of course I am not going to give him up. If he does not cooperate with us, he has other uses for us.

Boss: Parsons is in. Are you two ladies going to join this operation?

Emily: What would you have us do?

Boss: Accompany Agent Parsons to the meeting. Then join the observation team. There will be quite a few of you in and around this meeting.

Emily: I am in.

Harriet: I am in.

Boss: Excellent. The meeting will take place in one of our safe houses not too far from here.

The Meeting

Parsons: You are not getting your guy. You are not even getting access to your guy. He is ours now and he will cooperate with us or pay a very steep price.

Parsons: Have Itchy over there leave the room or I will take him out.

East German Negotiator: Time for you to leave the room, Itchy.

Itchy left the room without complaint from his East German colleagues.

Parsons: As a matter of interest, what are you proposing to offer me to give you access to your guy, who is now our guy?

East German Negotiator:

(Trying not to reveal the desperation beneath his veneer of composure)

"Agent Parsons, we are prepared to offer … a significant package.

We will provide:

• The operational details for a new, highly effective listening post we have established near your naval base in Portsmouth;

• A full breakdown of its capabilities, personnel, and access points; and as a gesture of goodwill

• We will also ensure the safe, discreet return of three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin,

• individuals whose whereabouts have been a source of considerable diplomatic friction."

Parsons: You are not getting your guy. He is ours now and he will cooperate with us or I will put him to use elsewhere.

Agent Parsons then produced a number of photographs from her overcoat. “These photographs are of the bullet strewn body of a former Iron Curtain Bad Guy who refused to cooperate with us. I successfully used him as bait for and a shield to gain access to an Iron Curtain Bad Guy. That is now the future of your guy, if he does not cooperate with us.

It has been interesting talking with you guys.

Looks like this meeting is over.

As Agent Parsons reconnected with her MI6 colleagues immediately after the meeting with the East Germans, she said:

“Whoever is driving me, take me to see the Water Poisoner in MI6 custody immediately.”

As she spoke, Agent Emily and Agent Harriet appeared.

Agent Parsons asked her fellow Stuffy Shirts: “Are you coming with me?”

Stuffy Shirts: Yes.

There was silence in the MI6 vehicle en route to the custody location holding the East German prospective Water Poisoner.

Apart from thanking the driver when they arrived, the silence was only broken when Agent Parsons had her meeting with the newly acquired Iron Curtain Bad Guy.

There was another brief episode where the silence was broken by Nicky Parsons.

As she waited for the East German prospective Water Poisoner to be brought to her for their meeting, she made a telephone call to MI6. And it was obviously to someone senior.

Agent Parsons told her MI6 colleague Itchy was present during the negotiations meeting and he gave Nicky Parsons the impression he wanted to shoot her. Parsons promptly ordered him from the room and the East German contingent complied with her request.

In the circumstances, Nicky Parsons wants the airport authorities to hold Itchy on “visa irregularities”, so that he misses his plane back to East Germany, at the very least. He may be held for much longer.

Agent Parsons seemed to get a positive response from her MI6 superior.

As that telephone call ended, her newly acquired East German asset appeared for their meeting.

Parsons: ”You were going to poison our water supply. There is no part of me that has to be nice to you. This is not a time for you to speak. This is a time for you to listen very carefully.

The East Germans want you dead. Very Dead. Your only hope of staying alive is to properly cooperate with us. I assure you, my patience is very thin when it comes to you.

Apart from telling us all about your plans to poison our water supply, there is other information you will provide to us.

There will be no heroic escape for you. The people who are disposed to seek your release, are the same people who want to kill you.

The additional information I want from you is as follows (and this is not a request):

• The details of your new East German listening post near our UK naval base in Portsmouth;

• The details of the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin, who have been the subject of considerable diplomatic friction."

You are a short-tempered and impatient fool who allowed himself to get so agitated over a jazz record, you blew your cover and gave us the opportunity to capture you. You are not a clever man.

We want the information from you and if you are not going to cooperate with us, I can assure you, I have other very unpleasant plans for you.

There is not much left of this Wednesday. Tomorrow is Thursday. That is a good day for you to get religion and confess. If I have to come back to see you, the East Germans will be a long way short of your biggest problem.

I bought the Donald Byrd album that was problematic for you from a different record store the following Monday. You are a dangerously stupid and irresponsible man. Tomorrow you will provide us with the information we want.

I trust I have made myself clear to you.

Have a terrible night’s sleep.”

It is accurate to say the East German Bad Guy was rather unsettled by what Agent Parsons said to him. He knew better than to interrupt her or argue with her. A moment of clarity had visited him. He was silent when Agent Parsons left the interview room and he was silent when he was returned to his cell.

Life just got considerably more complicated for the East German Bad Guy.

When Agent Parsons met up with Agent Emily and Agent Harriet shortly after leaving her meeting with the East German Bad Guy, the silence was broken by an MI6 colleague telling the Stuffy Shirts: “I have organised for all three of you to be driven home by an MI6 staff member.”

That seemed to lighten the mood all around.

Thursday

First thing Thursday morning the Boss gathered The Famous Five in his office for a meeting.

Boss: Agent Parsons, I see the meeting last evening went as expected. Apart from the bad mannered behaviour of one of the East Germans. You were correct to deal with him as you did.

It seems your East German friend is having some visa troubles at the airport this morning.

Agent Parsons: That is terrible luck for him, Sir.

Boss: I am sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the way he acted towards you last evening. 

Agent Parsons: He might miss his plane back to East Germany.

Boss: That would be unfortunate. I propose the five of you attend upon the airport and see if you can assist the East German friend of Agent Parsons with his visa difficulties.

Agent Parsons: All five of us, Sir?

Boss: It looks pretty complicated Agent Parsons, and he is an international guest.

Agent Parsons: Thank you for your assistance, Sir. It will definitely require all five of us.

Boss: "If you have no further questions, you can leave immediately

Good job at the negotiations meeting last night, Agent Parsons. I knew it would not be a problem for you. And I am glad you had a chat with our new East German jazz fan guest afterwards."

Agent Parsons: Thank you, Sir. We will now make our way to the airport.

Boss: Thank you, agents.

The Airport

The five agents then made their way to the airport.

Once they arrived at the airport, they were taken to where Itchy was being held.

Agent Parsons: This is a surprise, Itchy. I did not expect to see you again. Apparently British hospitality is so good, you created visa problems for yourself so you might stay here longer.

You are not going to tell me you tried to shoot someone, are you Itchy?

Itchy: I did not try to shoot anyone.

Parsons: I made sure you left the room before you got the chance.

Itchy: That was a misunderstanding. I was not trying to shoot you.

Parsons: Seems there is a misunderstanding with your visa also. Our government is so concerned about you, Itchy, it has sent five (5) agents to deal with this misunderstanding.

Where are your colleagues, Itchy?

Itchy: They returned to East Germany without me.

Emily was trying to muffle her laughter.

Parsons: "Alone and lonely in a foreign country. Life has become complicated for you, Itchy.

Wait here while we go and make some enquiries about your situation to see if we can sort it out promptly."

The five agents then left Itchy alone in the interview and observation room.

Agent Harriet: You are having way too much fun with this, Agent Parsons and I am here for it.

Agent Emily: Perhaps we should adjourn to strategize over a pot of tea?

Parsons: Good call, Agent Emily. Ruminate upon our strategy over a pot of tea. Now to find a cafeteria to host our ruminating and tea drinking.

Agent Emily: There is a sparsely populated cafeteria nearby.

Parsons: That will be our destination.

As they were walking to the cafeteria, M2 said quietly to M1: This is one of those times where we do not say anything until we are told we are required.

Once the agents were well into their pot of tea, Agent Harriet said to Agent Parsons: You could end this with one telephone call.

Parsons: I also could have shot Itchy last night. I chose to have him removed from the room.

Emily: I see no problem with Itchy being inconvenienced here for another hour or two. Ultimately it is your call, Agent Parsons.

Parsons: Let me know when you have finished your tea. I am going to make Itchy sweat.

Within 10 minutes The Famous Five had returned to the interview and observation room and continued their discussion with Itchy.

Parsons: You were rather trigger happy last night, Itchy. Are you sure you do not have any information for us to help us assist you with your current visa problems?

The specific information that comes to mind that you might provide to us is:

• The details of the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin, who have been the subject of considerable diplomatic friction.

Surely you would want to do everything you can to help us help you. Especially as you were so trigger happy last evening.

Itchy: What is going on here?

Parsons: You tell me, Itchy. You were the one who was trigger happy. I did nothing to threaten you or anyone in your contingent.