Opening The Gates of Hell

 East German Prospective Water Poisoner

Agent Parsons made another visit to the custody location holding the East German prospective Water Poisoner.

“Time is running out fast for you Mr Iron Curtain Bad Guy.

This is your colleague Agent Itchy. (Agent Parsons showed the East German prospective water poisoner a number of photographs.)

He was present during the negotiations meeting requested by the East Germans to try to get you returned to East Germany. I have already told you, I think they want to kill you, not return you to East Germany.

Your cretinous colleague gave me the impression he wanted to shoot me during that negotiations meeting. Subsequently the airport authorities held Agent Itchy on “visa irregularities” and he missed his plane back to East Germany. It then became necessary to hold him for much longer.

The good news for him is that he was an integral part of a successful raid on a gambling den that funds your East German colleagues. The bad news for him was that he was used as a human shield, so we could gain access to the premises and he wore most of the gunfire from the gambling den bad guys. As you can see, he did not survive that expedition to the gambling den.

His utility to us continued as we then deposited him at the gates of the East German Embassy in London. He enabled me to have a conversation with The Ambassador. Turns out The Ambassador was a sensible man. He understood the importance of returning to Britain, unharmed, the three (3) missing British nationals currently residing in East Berlin.

Those three (3) missing British nationals have now been returned to Britain, unharmed.

The significance of that information for you is that we no longer need you to achieve our goal of the return of the three (3) missing British nationals.

Your utility now will be the prompt provision of the following information:

• All the details about your plans to poison our water supply; and

• The details of your new East German listening post near our UK naval base in Portsmouth.

If you choose not to promptly provide that information to us, then expect your future to be similar to that of you colleague Agent Itchy. Should there be any ambiguity in your understanding of your prospective future, let me help you out. I will use you as a human shield in one of our missions and your prospects of surviving that exercise are zero.

I previously made it very clear to you:

“You are a short-tempered and impatient fool, who allowed himself to get so agitated over a jazz record, you blew your cover and gave us the opportunity to capture you. You are not a clever man.

We want the information from you and if you are not going to cooperate with us, I can assure you, I have other very unpleasant plans for you.”

Try your luck with me, Mr Water Poisoner. Complain to The Ambassador about how I am treating you. Gamble that I am wrong about the people who you think will help you, that they do not want to kill you.

If they kill you, they will save me the time and trouble.

Provide us with the information we want by 4:00 pm tomorrow or you will be another Agent Itchy. I can assure you it will not take me long to organise a raid where you will be the bait and the human shield. There are far too many of you Iron Curtain trouble makers in London and the United Kingdom.

You have had plenty of time to provide us with the information we want. 4:00 pm tomorrow or the gates of hell are going to open for you.”

Agent Parsons then collected the photographs and  left the interview room. She then left the premises and went home.

The Famous Five Team Meeting

Immediately upon arriving at work the following day, Agent Parsons went to the respective offices of all the other Famous Five members and said there was a team meeting in her office, now. No one was doing anything that warranted delaying the team meeting.

Once all five (5) agents were in her office, Agent Parsons informed the team that the previous day she made another visit to the custody location holding the East German prospective Water Poisoner and had a conversation with him. The kind of conversation where she did the talking and he did the listening.

Agent Parsons: I gave the prospective water poisoner until 4:00 pm today to provide us with the information we want, namely:

• All the details about his plans to poison our water supply; and

• The details of the new East German listening post near our UK naval base in Portsmouth.

I made it clear to him, provide us the information we want by 4:00 pm today or the gates of hell are going to open for him.

I also told him about Agent Itchy, to help focus his thoughts.

That is the relevant background for this meeting and my request of Harriet:

• Are there any locations or venues currently in play, like the Soho gambling den that recently enjoyed the pleasure of our company, that would benefit from a similar visit by our water poisoner friend?

I am aware that some venues are considered too dangerous because we are likely to lose agents in the process of undertaking the raid.

We now have a shield. So let us use him and shut down at least one of these problematic venues. I say this to you in the expectation that our East German friend will not provide us with the information we want. So we will waste no further resources on him and put him to use to attempt to solve another problem.

Harriet: There is The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury. Our intelligence says that it has a Reading Room at the back of the store, that also seems to operate as a meeting place for East German sympathisers. Details of the frequency of the meetings are so scant as to be unreliable. You could do a raid and get nothing or you could do a raid and hit the jackpot with a meeting of sympathisers underway.

Our intelligence also says some of the people who meet there are of the crazy kind. Nicky had a trigger happy former friend. Things did not end well for him. He could very well be found at the venue we are discussing.

Agent Parsons: That sounds like the kind of venue where a human shield would be valuable.

Harriet: If you took one there with you, it would not go astray.

Agent Parsons: M1 and M2, are you familiar with Bloomsbury? You have scored the driving duties.

M2: By 4:00 pm we will know how to transport the team to The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.

Agent Parsons: Excellent.

Agent Emily Abernathy: "Let me just clarify where we are at here. If the Water Poisoner provides the information to us by 4:00 pm today, he has no more utility to offer us. If he chooses not to provide the information to us, he is of no utility to us. That certainly sounds like the raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury is proceeding at 4:00 pm today."

Agent Harriet: Best I make arrangements for the Water Poisoner to be available to accompany us on the raid.

M2: In addition to M1 and I confirming the route we will be taking to Bloomsbury this afternoon, it looks like we are Officers-In-Charge of Raid Equipment.

Agent Parsons: Apart from the roles you are quite splendidly articulating, I propose we assume the same roles we took for the Soho gambling den raid:

• M1 and Agent Emily will cover the back entrance.

• M2, Agent Harriet, the Water Poisoner and I will take the front entrance.

Is there any reason to divert from that set up?

Emily, Harriet, M1 and M2: No.

M1: Can everyone check their firearm well before we leave.

Agent Parsons: We will meet here again at 3:00 pm to go over the final details before we leave for the raid.

The meeting then ended.

The Raid

The 3:00 pm meeting was short. Everything was in order. No apparent glitches had arisen. The Famous Five then set off for their raid on The Cultural Exchange Bookstore in Bloomsbury.

Upon collecting the handcuffed Water Poisoner, he was suitably clueless about what was going on.

Agent Parsons told him: “We have an adventure for you, Mr Water Poisoner.”

Otherwise there was no conversation with him during the journey to the raid venue.

The team arrived at The Cultural Exchange Bookstore at roughly 3:50 pm and took a little over 5 minutes to put on their protective jackets and get into position for the raid.

Once again Agent Parsons and M2 walked their handcuffed shield to the front of the premises. When Agent Parsons positioned herself directly behind the Water Poisoner, he asked what was going on?

Agent Parsons: “We have an adventure for you.”

She then shoved him through the front door of the premises.

That breach of the premises occurred without any resistance from the occupants. Likewise the breach of the rear of the premises occurred smoothly, without resistance.

With her firearm drawn and facing the staff member behind the counter in the Bookstore, Agent Parsons said to the staff member: “The Reading Room.”

Without any argument or hesitation, the staff member pointed to a door at the back of the book display area and said: “Through that door.”

Agent Harriet might describe what the team encountered as they burst through the door as hitting the jackpot. A meeting of Iron Curtain sympathisers was underway in the Reading Room.

Unfortunately for the Water Poisoner, a trigger happy Iron Curtain sympathiser in the Reading Room panicked when the breach of the room occurred and he emptied his firearm into the Water Poisoner.

Fortunately for Agent Parsons, the Water Poisoner shielded her from any damage.

The Water Poisoner was the only casualty in the raid and all those meeting in the Reading Room were subdued and ultimately taken into custody by MI6 agents.

Agent Harriet took some delight in calling in the raid to MI6 from the bookstore telephone. Her MI6 colleagues were quick to send a clean up team to assist in wrapping up the raid.

With everything under control at the raid scene, a satisfied Agent Parsons said to the rest of The Famous Five: We can now be on our way.

As The Famous Five left The Cultural Exchange Bookstore, they thanked their MI6 colleagues for their clean up efforts.

Shortly after they commenced their return journey to MI6 headquarters, Agent Parsons said:

• “This is not quite a steak sandwiches moment, but it is definitely worthy of a modest meal. I suggest we find a cafeteria close to headquarters and appreciate a job well done.”

M2: I know a place we can go and parking the work vehicle will not be a problem.

Emily: Lead the way, M2.

Back To Work

Not long after Nicky Parsons arrived at work the day after the raid mission, the Boss telephoned her: “Gather your team in your office, Agent Parsons. I will come and visit you shortly.”

The Famous Five team were gathered in the office of Nicky Parsons within 10 minutes of the telephone call from the Boss.

The Boss made his way there after about 15 minutes and closed the door.

The Boss: Agent Parsons you are Agent Parsons. And for Queen and Country, Agent Parsons. For Queen and Country.

The London water supply system is safe. The three British nationals have been returned, unharmed and two (2) East German Iron Curtain undesirables have been permanently neutralised.

That is quite an achievement.

The East German Ambassador was correct when he said:

• “The things you people do for Queen and country.”

The things you five agents do for Queen and country. This is a dirty job. I am glad you are all on my side.

They are going to keep coming at us and we must never relent.

I am not going to talk about your methods. I am definitely going to celebrate your achievements.

If I give the five of you the rest of today and tomorrow off work, in recognition of your outstanding achievements, do you think you could spend your not working time not working?

Could you all turn off your bad guy radars for a couple of days and unwind from this maelstrom?

M1, 2 days off, no work. Can you do it?"

M1: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: M2?

M2: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: Agent Harriet?

Harriet: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: Agent Emily?

Emily: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

The Boss: Agent Parsons?

Nicky: Yes, Sir. Thank you.

Thank you for your efforts, agents. Enjoy your time off.

The meeting then ended and the Boss returned to his office.